feeling like i’m faking it all

i feel like i’m faking everything, like ive read it all and my brain has mesmerised it completely. i first started struggling with feeling like i was faking it when my pocd episode started, i’d research pocd to see if what i was experiencing was similar or if i genuinely was one. i read something that said some people with pocd avoid children but i don’t do this. i don’t purposely put myself them around them but if my mum is going shopping i’ll go with her and my head will be screaming at me saying im going for different reasons. the other day i went my sisters and i was wearing kinda a mesh top and my head was telling me i can’t wear that because there will be children around and that i can’t expose that to them even though ive wore the outfit multiple times before without these thoughts, ive always taken my time with what i wear because it’s not often i go out so when i do go out even to the shop, i attempt to dress as nice as possible. i still wore the outfit and it convinced me it was for that. another thing ive read is that some people with pocd can’t say the p word but i can say it, i just chose not to. i started to not say that word after i had read that piece of information. it’s not a word i’d usually say before all of this anyway but if it was brought up in conversation i wouldn’t overthink it. another reason why i feel like i’m faking it all is because im not getting anxious or anxiety around compulsions, i don’t even know what my compulsions are technically. i don’t know if i don’t feel the anxiety anymore because i take medication for it or what. i just know i don’t feel anxious anymore. when i see people on here who i relate to, i can’t do the thing ive read again because otherwise i’ll feel like im just copying them? the post could be made today and ive been doing something for idk weeks beforehand and i’ll still feel like ive seen a post similar.

Username: BwillbebetterBwillbebetter

Date posted: 26w ago

The fact that you think that lying to yourself only proves that it is ocd, since this is very common in obsessive disorder, I know because I've talked about it with my therapist and she assured me that this is just another symptom. Maybe you don't perform compulsions in actions, but ruminating and researching seems like something you do frequently and this may be a compulsion that you don't even realize you're doing, keep an eye on it.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 26w ago

The clothes one is so relatable!! Even online i feel like i cant wear certain clothes bcs what if a kid sees it and im tryin to get kids attention somehow!! Just remember everyone with ocd has different experences,ive been struggling the same but im waiting on a doctors appointment just stay strong

Username: space girl 🪐space girl 🪐

Date posted: 26w ago

@Anonymous NO BC LITERALLY! i’ve never seen anyone talk about it on here, i thought i was alone 😭

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 26w ago

@space girl 🪐 I feel like this was one of my earliest symptomss i just thought i was weird aha

Username: emilyxo17emilyxo17

Date posted: 26w ago

girl i can say the word right now. Pedophile. See. It’s just a word some people feel uncomfortable saying whether they have pocd or not but the fact u can say it is in no way an indication of whether u have pocd or not. Also I’ve done the same thing where if my top is a little too low I get scared I’m doing it for bad reasons but because I want to wear the top I do it anyway because I know I don’t have those intentions you’re actively doing an exposure which is amazing it’s just backfiring for you which I totally get. The reason ur not feeling anxiety is because ur so obsessed with checking ur feelings, feelings are supposed to flow naturally and when u become so obsessed over them they get confused and stop working normally and plus when you’ve been anxious for so long it eventually goes down and that’s actually one of the first things you learn in ocd therapy is about how anxiety works on how it can go to a 10 and no higher but it can never stay there for too long as it’s impossible for it to do so, it can come up and down and up and down again but it can never stay at a 10 forever so no matter how anxious u are about something the anxiety naturally always comes down because ur body gets used to it. I’m so so sorry ur going through this, I’m also going through hell right now with being obsessed over feelings and emotions so I totally understand. Stay strong🩷

Username: space girl 🪐space girl 🪐

Date posted: 26w ago

it doesn’t make sense because my first theme was false memory, when i was struggling with that i started to research why i was convinced i had done something i hadn’t and learnt about ocd. i was struggling with that before i found out what it was.

Username: Brooke cookieBrooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w ago

@space girl 🪐 Ocd can and often changes subtypes or themes all the time. If you stop reacting to one or react less ocd will often try a new or different obsession. Keep working on learning how treat ocd and not do compulsions and you will be able not given to ocd even when it changes.

Username: space girl 🪐space girl 🪐

Date posted: 26w ago

@Brooke cookie am i faking it?

Username: Brooke cookieBrooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w ago

@space girl 🪐 No, it is common for people with ocd to be worried they are faking it or that they have something else. You have ocd but it’sok . Just keep working on treat ocd and you will get better.

Username: feethebee

Date posted: 3y ago

my biggest fear is what if i don't actually have ocd and get exposed as a fraud. im afraid i might have been living a lie the whole time. i keep thinking that im not as ill as others here. i feel like i don't deserve attention, it's like im unconsciously invalidating myself all the time and j can't help but think that im an impostor in disguise. that im just doing this for attention. that i just want to be mentally ill to feel like i fit in somewhere. when i show a new ocd symptom im afraid that oh im probably just copying something that i saw off this app here because i want to feel like i truly do have ocd. i know i most likely have it but im so stuck in this loop of doubt. my ocd isn't as severe as it was in the beginning so that makes me feel even more invalid and i have developed impostor syndrome over the years.

"Pure" OCD

Username: anony_

Date posted: 32w ago

POCD

hi everyone, i’m new to this app and it’s taken me a lot of courage to even post this or publicly say anything regarding my OCD because i feel so much shame and guilt and distress because of my POCD intrusive thoughts. it’s one of the most draining, most anxiety filled things ive ever been through. i’ve had OCD since i was little. i’ve had different themes ranging from my sexuality to health ( i still struggle with health OCD ) from awful morbid thoughts about my mother and now i’m having thoughts about children. i’ve been struggling with POCD for maybe almost 2 years and even though i know it’s OCD, im still constantly being mentally reminded it is a reflection of me. i keep getting to a point where i feel as if im starting to get better and even though i keep having a strong urge to compulse, i don’t proceed to and it’s been helping a lot. but then i get into a state where i start questioning “ what if i really don’t have OCD and these thoughts are genuinely who i am “ then i give into compulsions to check if im really an awful person. so it feels as if im back to square one. i really need advice and help and i want to know if anyone is experiencing the same thing and how you deal with it. thank you for taking the time to read this :)

Username: izzy.gp28

Date posted: 28w ago

Does anyone else think their faking it

Do any of you ever convince yourself that you are faking your OCD in its entirety, I am uneducated on what ocd even truly means even tho I have been told I have it by my psychiatrist that I do in fact have OCD. Because I’m uneducated on the disorder tho, that means that I can’t tell if a lot of the things I think and feel are normal or not, and whenever I think it’s OCD there’s this loudd voice in my head that tells me I am faking it completely

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feeling like i’m faking it all

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