Cheating false memories, anyone relate?

About 7 months ago, I went through a very stressful episode of ROCD centered around cheating. I essentially dissected every single even remotely questionable interaction I’d had in the past 2 years of my relationship (and even before it) and confessed them all to my partner. I was basically going through a nonstop panic attack. However, never did I ever think that I physically cheated with ANYONE. I only obsessed over incidents where I worried that I might have emotionally cheated, or cheated online, or crossed into a morally gray zone. Eventually my thoughts cleared up and I started feeling normal again. I was free from ROCD for months. Then a month ago, I had an image flash into my mind involving me kissing a male friend a year and a half ago. This turned into an obsession that lasted over 3 weeks. I was genuinely and truly convinced that I had cheated on my partner with this person. I was ruminating and obsessing and panicking 24/7, and I finally ended up caving and texting this person and asking if anything ever happened between us. He confirmed that nothing did, and I finally was able to relax. Now it seems like this incident opened the floodgates for countless more false memories of physically cheating. I have imagined myself cheating with another mutual male friend, with a coworker 2 years ago, and now with a guy I met at a party almost 2 years ago. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with my partner and our friend group for 2 whole weeks and I literally spent the entire trip panicking and ruminating. I was luckily able to give the illusion that I was doing okay, and I was able to have fun on the trip. But the thoughts would never leave my head. Most of my obsessions were centered on the coworker during the trip, and now I’m obsessing over that guy from the party. Each obsession feels more ridiculous than the last. I mean I never found this guy attractive and I remember feeling really grossed out during the party because of how much his B.O. reeked. There is no way I ever touched him. But I have crafted this scenario where I went into a bedroom with him and we did something. I’m having such an easy time imagining that scenario and it’s freaking me out. Thoughts like “if it’s so easy to imagine it must mean it’s real” are running through my head and ruining everything. I just want it to end. I’m finally looking for a therapist. I’ve realized i can’t do this anymore. But until then, how do I deal with these thoughts? My go-to instinct is to just replay the “memory” in my head a million times and try to discern whether it’s real or not but this just makes it feel more familiar and realistic. I just want to go back to living life happily. But it seems like that happiness only transitional between OCD episodes, which are like the real landmarks in my life.

Username: Zahra991Zahra991

Date posted: 23w ago

You’re not alone, I’m currently struggling with a false memory THAT I CAN SWEAR THAT I DIDNT DO but like my mind keeps telling me I did this and I’m lying and manipulating everyone bla bla bla. I know how hard false memories are and you gotta sit with the anxiety of not knowing even tho you know it’s not real, it’s basically ocd lying to you, I saw somewhere that even tho you can imagine it and it feels real it doesn’t mean that it happened

Username: JulioKelleJulioKelle

Date posted: 23w ago

@Zahra991 I needed to read this because I have been having this stuck thought even though I’ve never worried about such a severe thing before. And my mind is like, nonono you HAVE to know. Even though I know that the likelihood of not remembering doing this horrible thing is nearly impossible. Just a random thought that my mind is thinking it’s TRUE. Idk, I’ve been low key stressing and not stressing. It’s weird and a new subtype of OCD

Username: Zahra991Zahra991

Date posted: 23w ago

@JulioKelle My issue is let’s say a crime happened but the criminal is yet to be known, ocd is telling me I did it despite knowing I would never do that and I’m getting thoughts like you’re manipulating you’re lying you’re faking ocd and more

Username: JulioKelleJulioKelle

Date posted: 23w ago

@Zahra991 Me too

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w ago

That really sucks. I’m glad you’re getting therapy cuz this is OCD. The goal isn’t to deal wit the thoughts but rather shrug your shoulders when the thought comes up and say “maybe, maybe not” or “I’m worthy of trust and love” or “okay cool”. OCD will do anything to get you to engage with it so the goal is to do the opposite (not think about it, not try and figure it out, not confess, not check, etc)

Username: AlterEgoAlterEgo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w ago

Thank you for sharing and I can totally relate as I also went through a very stressful episode about 7 months ago and it is with me till this very day! My event happened Dec/2023 and even have confirmation that nothing happened but my mind seems to think otherwise and I told myself another horrible story! Good new is ERP can help and really stop the ocd cycle! I would really take a look at the OCD cycle and sounds like you are constantly doing compulsions (mental remuneration) which gives you a quick fix because doesn't hit the underlying problem The biggest part is we keep giving these thoughts to much meaning and power that they come back over and over again! I would also highly recommend watching this as I found it helps for me Remember.. live the life you want, not the one OCD decided to choose for you https://youtu.be/sizn7RmwvEs?si=PmG3I6PniFF4VvyL

Username: zealous4life

Date posted: 5y ago

any resources on Real Event OCD? Basically my OCD will make me remember things I said in the past, that were sexual (innuendos, jokes, conversations, etc) and make me answer the question “did you cheat?” or will say “you are a cheater because you said X.” The only relief I have found has been from 1) confessing things I said/did or 2) checking the message or figuring it out. I can only stop my thoughts when I say “I have already confessed that.” Or “checked that.” Yesterday I had a meltdown because I thought of something else I said to one of my guy friends and hadn’t confessed it - I basically made my boyfriend read 90% of my messages to this guy because I was so afraid I had cheated. My boyfriend said it wasn’t a big deal despite all the sexual jokes / innuendos / conversations. I was clear with this guy that I wasn’t single and we were usually just joking about stuff or just talking about it. So my boyfriend said “I don’t really care” with an exception that we cleared up. So you’d think I could say “well I already told him about it” but my OCD keeps saying “but what if this thing you said + didn’t confess really is cheating, you meant to turn him on, you were asking about stuff, that’s inappropriate, he would definitely dump you for this...” and if I don’t fix it, it threatens me with “you’re going to worry about this forever, you did something wrong and didn’t confess it, it must really be cheating if you don’t confess it because you’re keeping it a secret...” I am suffering so much ): I will take any advice at this point. I have been seeing a OCD therapist for about 3 months but can’t let go of this.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

new obsessions

every time my OCD finds something new to obsess about I feel like it’s the worst one yet. I used to think feeling like i don’t love my partner is the worst but turns out feeling like i cheated on him is so much worse. especially because it’s not cheating OCD but real event OCD. I somewhat entertained things with a friend a couple years ago (assumed he was probably into me and didn’t stop it/ liked the attention??) and even drunkenly fell asleep on his leg once. and i have talked about it with my bf but not the detail about sleeping on his leg (i’ve told him other arguably worse things (no kissing or anything like that)) and we’ve gotten past it. this was someone who i definitely never had feelings for and never wanted anything more out of than attention. but now i feel overcome by guilt and anxiety and i replay the scenarios over and over in my head. i feel the constant need to confess every last detail i remember but i read that confessing can be a compulsion? ugh anyone else dealing with real event OCD have any advice? I can’t see my amazing NOCD therapist anymore due to insurance issues :/

Relationship OCD

Username: sofiarenee

Date posted: 1y ago

relationship ocd. so tired.

so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partner’s back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. i’ve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldn’t hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didn’t know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since i’ve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i don’t have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i don’t want to be with anyone else. but i’ve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i don’t want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - ‘what if you actually want to be with him instead and you’re just in denial right now’ or something like ‘you dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughts’ and i’m just so..drained. i’m so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously don’t want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with him…i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and i’m paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesn’t hold what i did against me but he’s well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesn’t deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i haven’t told my bf about these thoughts because i’m worried he would take it the wrong way. i really don’t think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i don’t want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)

Relationship OCD

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Cheating false memories, anyone relate?

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