Guilt ocd

Anyone else fear falling out of love with your partner and falling in love with someone else you know of? My ocd convinces me this other guy I go to university with is ‘the one’ and creates false memories! It’s the worst feeling ever i feel so much guilt and don’t feel happy and loving when I’m around my boyfriend anymore :( I don’t want to be with anyone else but my boyfriend I just wish I was happy with him and never had these thoughts in the first place.

Currently struggling with guilt on how my partner and I became a couple. I lived in a small town at the time and wasn’t getting out much. I forced myself to go online and meet multiple different men for dates. My current boyfriend stood out amongst the rest. We had good conversations and talked for about 3 weeks before meeting in person. Now I think this is where the issue/ocd comes into play. I wasn’t “obsessed” or “infatuated” with him at first sight. It was literally just a date to me and we got along well and just kept at it till 6 months in we were “official” My love for him was and still is an ongoing slow burn. I find him more attractive now than I did originally and he is a very good man who I believe I’m compatible with, but… My ROCD is telling me I’m just convincing myself. How can I love someone I wasn’t crazy about at first sight. I will meet someone I have more passion and lust for and leave him. Which causes so much anxiety because I don’t want that. I want our love to continue to grow, but I feel so ashamed of these thoughts at times.

This is the first time I’m posting here but I really need to. Basically, I have known this boy for about 4/5 years now. We usually just talked on snap as we were too shy to meet irl. We were just friends. He did have feelings for me for a long time it I didn’t until recently. I did him really bad as 2 years back, when I got into a relationship. I blocked him out of no where. I know it’s really bad and a messed up thing to do but I was dumb. I hurt him a lot. A year or so later I realised my mistake and reached out to him again with an apology (me and my ex broke up by this time). I helped him get a job with me. So we started working together as well. During this time once again I didn’t have feelings for him. But sometimes he would flirt and stuff. I’m kind of a bitch. A few years ago, and even a few months ago I’ve said a few bad things about him behind his back to other people. Like bad things. Just to give you guys an understanding I’m 18 atm. Old enough to know what’s right and wrong but I still messed up quite a bit Recently, we have started working a lot more and meeting in real life unlike before. And I have caught feelings in the past few weeks. We both confessed. Aren’t official yet as I’m worried about my parents finding out (I’m not allowed to date). I feel really guilty tho. Whenever I talk to him, I remember the past and the things I’ve said about him and just want to confess. I’ve confessed a lot of things already and he’s told me that the past doesn’t matter. But I still feel the need to confess. I know for a fact that my feelings have changed a lot towards him. I feel like I took him for granted in the past and his attention for granted but I really really like him now. I’m started to love him. But these feelings of guilt keep coming in my way. Please help me.