Googling

I know a few of you saw my posts about my ERP and the googling urges. That didn’t end up going well. My therapist actually decided we needed to halt it for now. The thing is it’s almost like I learned googling is harmless from those few exercises and my brain keeps generating more things to google. Normally I would just spiral and be done but now I can barely hold back from searching for long. I eventually give in. I’m horrified because it feels like I want to find illegal content. I swear on everything I am, I don’t want to find anything even close to it. I’m freaking out because I don’t understand what’s happening. I keep compulsively searching/testing/checking or idk. I keep remembering details and I feel like I need to google again to be sure of something. I feel absolutely insane can someone please help me??? I’m petrified I’m going to get in trouble.

Very brief mentions of pocd and nsfw jokes,id like this to be adults only . Repost bc i had to edit something Does anyone have experience with real event ocd attached to your online footprint etc? I keep checking old messages,trying to find old people i knew i used to talk to etc. To find out every problematic thing I did and if I've ever been unfollowed or blocked by anyone I used to be friends w online/atleast on good terms w. I am particularly concerned abt doing something bigoted,esp racist bc i have racism ocd,and doing something predatory bc of my pocd. I remember hanging around people who could use 'edgy' or offensive humour in my teens and i remember a lot of sex jokes and that i would join in on sex jokes sometimes . i dont remember details w the offensive humour as much,i feel like i didnt join in on it as much but i was definitely WAY passive abt things and prob let a lot of bad stuff slide i shouldnt have bc i didn't speak up it was wrong,I remember one friend in an online community would say slurs and horrible jokes when i was 16. I dont remember my response to it as much but i feel i didnt speak up abt it aside one time i found in the dms where he made a bad joke on a thing i shared for social justice. I cant stop going thru old messages and stuff or trying to find ppl from the past. I feel like if I don't check it now,that eventually it'll come to haunt me or that I'll stumble across it eventually. I worry what if someone messaged me on one of these apps I un-installed or on one of the accounts I don't have access to,confronting me abt all this stuff I did. I had an obsession w this back in 2020 and did check in depth on all my accounts,but now that it's been 4 years the obsession is back in full swing.

Hi all, I’m brand new to this app. I’ve never had any mental disorders. I’ve never been diagnosed or even suspected that I had some kind of issue going on. But recently my partner gently pointed out to me that I’ve developed some weird tendencies that are progressively getting worse. I’m getting overly anxious about the smallest of things. Every time he leaves for work, I stare at the tracker on my phone until he gets through his 25 minute commute because I’m convinced there will be a wreck. I’m terrified that someone is constantly taking pictures of me through my windows and even feel like people can see through my (solid) blinds at night. Every time I hear someone in the hallway of my apartment complex I stare out the peephole because I’m convinced they’re going to break in, even if it’s a neighbor that I recognize. I check myself for lumps in my body every morning and every night, and my partner too, even though neither of us have any scary medical history. I unplug everything with a cord every night before I go to bed because I’m terrified that something is faulty and my apartment will catch on fire. I am constantly afraid of being sued by people I don’t know even though the worst thing I’ve ever done is gotten a speeding ticket. I have dreams that people are sending me threatening mail and it stops me from opening my actual mail. There are so many more, I could go on forever. Writing it all down, I know it’s stupid. I just don’t know if feeling this way is normal. There are people out there that have actual stressors and here I am working myself up a million times a day over nothing. Do normal people feel like this? I thought it was normal.