Someone please offer advice
I'm stuck in a 'do you really like your boyf' mentality again and its making me so sad. I'm in love with him and its magical and I was on cloud 9 last week and intrusive thinking has taken over and making me doubt.
I’m actually going through the same thing right now! I’ve with my boyfriend for four years, and recently I’ve been sooooo happy and then this week all of a sudden I’m having doubts!!!! I know I love my boyfriend and I know this is ocd because it feels urgent and the thought literally makes me feel ill! If these intrusive thoughts make you feel uneasy and anxious then it is definitely ocd!!! No matter how much it ‘feels’ real, no decisions should be made when you feel very anxious and upset about a decision!? If you wanted to break up you would know and not have anxiety about it! If that helps!!!
From what my therapist recommended to me is to live with uncertainty. You may or may not like your bf and that’s fine. Just living with the uncertainty helps a little to not have you stuck in a mental loop of what ifs and that’s what OCD wants.
This past week has been rough. I am obsessing so much about my boyfriend. I obsess that I might lose him to another man. Or that I may not love him anymore. I don’t want these thoughts but I can’t stop them. They feel so real. I never had a reason to think these thoughts. We get along so well. I never asked for these thoughts but they just came and now I can’t stop them. I have been crying and very emotional this past week. I finally found a guy that I loved and now I’m afraid I’m going to lose him or have lost him and there is no reason for that fear.
i second guess my feeling for him basically 22 hours of the day and my intrusive thoughts are so aggressive too, like “you dont love him, you think hes ugly, you think he smells bad” stuff like that and they arent even “what if” thoughts anymore and i feel so guilty. I am basically at the point where I’ve convinced myself that im forcing myself to be in this relationship because i dont want to uproot my life and that i hate him, but every time i think about breaking up i start crying and i hate the idea and these thoughts give me SO much anxiety. To the point where i feel like i cant even eat sometimes, and i dont want to feel like this everyday because i want to be sure that i love my partner, and the small moments that im not spiraling, i feel so sure and so clear that i want to spend the rest of my life with him and i hate it because why is it that one moment i can be so sure that i love him and the one moment i feel like im lying to myself and i need to ruminate on that feeling. im so tired of myself.
It has completely switched to me being scared I don’t want to be with him. I’ve been struggling for days. I’ve been googling stuff all day too. And then my friend asked me “do you actually like him?” And it’s been stuck in my head. And then I answered yes but my head was like do you really though? Can it really convince you that you don’t and that you’re lying to yourself? And can you feel like you’re lying to them about it all? It makes me feel sick. And then my friend said “I think you’re just second guessing things because you’ve never been in a healthy relationship” my mind keeps going to “what if you really are not mean to be together? You know deep down. What if you’re having all these thoughts because you just aren’t mean to be?” And I don’t have like insane butterflies or infatuation with him like I did my previous partners, but they were so abusive and toxic. Im so terrified my mind will convince me to break up with him and I don’t want to 😞
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