- Date posted
- 18w
Can someone help
My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me
My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me
I hear and understand this. I suffer this the same. From what I know, ROCD makes us question everything in our relationships/marriages of “do I really love them”, “are they the one”, “what if I don’t love them”, “how do I know I love them”, “what should it feel like” etc etc. I don’t know how to combat it too much except to say our thoughts are not our actions. Other inputs would be great to hear.
What is causing you to spiral? What are you trying to solve right now?
@MichelleV All day yesterday my brain convinced me that if rather have another guys attention and that if I’m out w my man is be all dressed up and tryna impress other guy and not my man. And I hate it and it feels so real like it feels like I’m evil and deceitful. Then my brain was like convincing me that i should just break up w him and figure this out but no I never wanna break up with my man. And I get so confused is this real do I rlly want other guys. But I don’t want to want other guys bc i just wanna be myself again. The one who was fully obsessed w my man. And tho Ik that i can’t help but be confused bc everything feels so real😓I hate this. And I feel like i should know that like if I’m so upset by this it isn’t true, but then my brain convinces me that’s not true. It’s gotten to the point where I’m so good for like a day or two and then other days I’m so terrible and I feel like I’m an aweful gf. I don’t want this but my brain says I do and that i’m confused but i just wanna be happy and the me who was obsessed w my man was happiest😓I’m so lost and i hate it. One day i’m ok the next i feel like I’m a terrible person. Plus my man is my best friend and i wanna marry him, so how can everything else be true? Yk?😓i hate myself
@Anonymous Like It’s so upsetting bc even rn i refrigered it out qnd was like NO HES my best friend qnd i wouldn’t just give him up for the new/ “excitingness” or q new guy😓like no that’s make me so upset. Then i got a little better and my brain was like “but when ur with him ur gonna feel like a liar when u say you love him bc you’ve been you picturing urself in these situation happy😓 but i never wanna be in those bc it’ll make me sad😓and i feel like i lie to him and myself when i try and fix this but ik he’s the one like wuts wrong w me😓the huge pit in my stomach is so bad too.😓
Then now my brains like “you not even worthy of him bc you don’t even know if u rlly want him or other pls attention😓but i just wanna be me again the one who’s sure. And like I’m tryna re place everything else w images of my man and i and like me watching him at the musical and stuff but then my minds like “your not worthy of him you can’t admire him if you were this lost and confused”😓i hate myself for this i’m so lost but i just wanna go back to where i was only focused on him and no one else😓i don’t want to want others 😓
And When I Say that it feels like a lie now but I Just wqnna be me again
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
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