- Date posted
- 15w ago
Can someone help
My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me
My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me
I hear and understand this. I suffer this the same. From what I know, ROCD makes us question everything in our relationships/marriages of “do I really love them”, “are they the one”, “what if I don’t love them”, “how do I know I love them”, “what should it feel like” etc etc. I don’t know how to combat it too much except to say our thoughts are not our actions. Other inputs would be great to hear.
What is causing you to spiral? What are you trying to solve right now?
@MichelleV All day yesterday my brain convinced me that if rather have another guys attention and that if I’m out w my man is be all dressed up and tryna impress other guy and not my man. And I hate it and it feels so real like it feels like I’m evil and deceitful. Then my brain was like convincing me that i should just break up w him and figure this out but no I never wanna break up with my man. And I get so confused is this real do I rlly want other guys. But I don’t want to want other guys bc i just wanna be myself again. The one who was fully obsessed w my man. And tho Ik that i can’t help but be confused bc everything feels so real😓I hate this. And I feel like i should know that like if I’m so upset by this it isn’t true, but then my brain convinces me that’s not true. It’s gotten to the point where I’m so good for like a day or two and then other days I’m so terrible and I feel like I’m an aweful gf. I don’t want this but my brain says I do and that i’m confused but i just wanna be happy and the me who was obsessed w my man was happiest😓I’m so lost and i hate it. One day i’m ok the next i feel like I’m a terrible person. Plus my man is my best friend and i wanna marry him, so how can everything else be true? Yk?😓i hate myself
@Anonymous Like It’s so upsetting bc even rn i refrigered it out qnd was like NO HES my best friend qnd i wouldn’t just give him up for the new/ “excitingness” or q new guy😓like no that’s make me so upset. Then i got a little better and my brain was like “but when ur with him ur gonna feel like a liar when u say you love him bc you’ve been you picturing urself in these situation happy😓 but i never wanna be in those bc it’ll make me sad😓and i feel like i lie to him and myself when i try and fix this but ik he’s the one like wuts wrong w me😓the huge pit in my stomach is so bad too.😓
Then now my brains like “you not even worthy of him bc you don’t even know if u rlly want him or other pls attention😓but i just wanna be me again the one who’s sure. And like I’m tryna re place everything else w images of my man and i and like me watching him at the musical and stuff but then my minds like “your not worthy of him you can’t admire him if you were this lost and confused”😓i hate myself for this i’m so lost but i just wanna go back to where i was only focused on him and no one else😓i don’t want to want others 😓
And When I Say that it feels like a lie now but I Just wqnna be me again
My rocd is making me disconected from my boyfriend thinking he is cringe and that i dont know him or i dont like him for real, making me question the times i was happy thinking i was pretending and i was just thinking i am happy and in love but i wasnt… when i think abt my boyfriend i cant feel happiness… im scared. Yesterday we talked he said he is happy when we talked he sais how happy he is and that if i dont feel the same i should not panic (hw knows about my thoughts) i am so sad, i dont want to be like this forever, im scared
I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
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