I feel like I’m going crazy again. I moved to a new state so that means new doc/therapist. Since I’ve moved here about 4 months ago I’ve been dealing with terrible episodes and I’m just miserable. I haven’t been on medication and recently i decided to try it again. About 2 weeks ago i called around to see if they take my insurance and the ppl that did either aren’t taking new patients or they’re way too far for me to travel as i have no car and I’m very very low on cash bc my mental hasn’t been able to get a new job bc I’m terrified. I made an appointment but they didn’t have anything till later this month and I’ve been trying to be positive but I just keep having this obsession that i NEED the medicine and i dc if it will make me a zombie and emotionless bc that’s just how miserable i am. Im crying uncontrollably because my thoughts won’t chill out. I don’t know what to do in the meantime & i can’t afford to commit myself . If anyone has anyways to cope while I’m waiting to see a doctor I’d really be grateful. I feel like my brain is going to explode.

I had a lot of trouble last year with my relationship, no matter how much reassurance my Bf would give me I was always afraid he was going to leave me. Towards the end of our relationship I was anxious and crying a lot. He couldn’t take it anymore. He fell out of love with me. We broke up not just because of that but because we both weren’t on the same page as to what we wanted out of our relationship. Which is why I just thought that’s what caused my anxiety. We broke September and I thought I could finally relax a little because the anxiety had lifted. Come December though my mind had lost it. I’ve had extremely grueling intrusive thoughts/images pretty much every day since. Ones of harming people I love. I have no history of violence what so ever. I was the naive church girl growing up. I always wanted to help people as much as I could. I was never a vengeful person. In fact if i had a argument with someone I’d have to fix it right away. I couldn’t stand them being upset with me. This has been going on for 8 months now. I find it hard to think of anything else. I google a lot to see if my thoughts are normal or not. I have to constantly reassure myself things are going to be okay and that I won’t hurt anyone. Most days I don’t like to be touched or sometimes it’s hard for me to even talk. I feel scared all the time. I went to my doctor for depression and anxiety and they put me on lexapro which only seemed to make me more jittery and anxious. Then Zoloft which helped but then stopped working. I’m not on Paxil w/Xanax to help the panic attacks. But I can’t tell if it’s working. I almost feel like it’s not because everyday I break down and cry. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I should be locked away. I have a therapy appointment in two weeks. I’m trying to hold on and not freak out for the time being.

I havent been on here in a while and honestly stuff has been getting worse. I legitimately feel like I'm crazy, but sometimes it comes in waves. For a bit I may be feeling fine and then I get an odd feeling and just feel off and the instrusive thoughts start getting worse. These thoughts are literally eating me alive. I love my parents and I would be devastated if anything happened to them, but I feel like I'm the danger and I hate it. I find myself leaving the house as often as I can and when I come back at night I literally get the worse feelings. They already know about this and I've been seeing a doctor about it, but cant get a psychiatrist appointment until jan 22 ?. At this point I dont even consider it ocd I just think I fucked my brain up with drugs.

Hello everyone! I have been through a whirlwind of mental health struggles but OCD feels like it might be “running the show” and I didn’t know if anyone else could relate The first time I got told I was struggling with ocd was by a therapist only a few months ago who said I “fall under the cloud of harm ocd” This lead me to a downward spiral because I had never had a mental health diagnosis before and I was so scared right away that nobody would believe me or help me. I feel like my life has been so out of control over the last few months. I’m dealing with some other things such as big life changes and identity crisis (fresh out of college, no longer a student athlete, came out to my family). I had to leave my first job as an icu nurse for the immense distress it caused me as i was working day/night rotating shifts and being triggered unknowingly to some trauma that I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I now experience heavy mood swings and dissociation at times related to ptsd and I feel like life just isn’t the same. I’m in such a tough spot because I seem to have a fear of being misdiagnosed/improperly treated, a fear of taking meds, a fear of unintentionally harming myself, and my needs for safety reassurance are so strong that I’m back home with my parents and scared to do anything. I’m a nurse as well so I know way too much about the meds and side effects. At the end of the day, the logical part of my brain wants meds to help me , but the fear or starting meds, the side effects, and the trial and error of them not knowing what will work leaves me stuck and feeling hopeless. I always end up thinking that I could just feel better if I jumped back into my normal busy life, but when I do so and get triggered (ocd or ptsd) I am left hopeless and begging my parents to get me on meds. Each appointment though leads to significant anxiety and like I have to say every single detail , which ends in me getting frustrated and confused not wanting to take meds after all because i don’t think they have the full picture. I had a bad experience with Zoloft bringing out manic symptoms when I first started it. It was terrifying. I’ve been switching provider to provider trying to find someone I trust, but in the mean time my anxiety is worsening and I feel more confused of what my symptoms really are in the first place. I have Xanax that I can take 3x daily but I don’t like feeling like I’m going to get addicted to it if I keep taking it and avoid getting on long term meds. I don’t trust any doctors and I feel the need to tell them every single little detail which I feel like leads to further frustration and maybe even impaired treatment plans. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I’m really struggling and needing some support and guidance 😭