Really need some support/advice right now. I’ve had multiple panic attacksbecause of everything that’s going on right now with this pandemic. I just really need some help but I know I’m not supposed to ask for reassurance. Everyone is panicking, even people w/out OCD which makes me panic even more. I honestly feel like I need to go to a psychiatric hospital or something, I’m just afraid of having a complete meltdown. I haven’t really been able to go anywhere such as grocery store, gas station, etc. bc I don’t want to touch anything.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I would really recommend doing small exposures. That's what I'm doing- pushing myself to leave the house every day to do something and only wash hands as much as we are supposed to and not thinking about it any more once I have washed. We can definitely teach our brains that the worst possible outcomes and consequences don't happen when we take those little risks, and that build up our confidence. Life is all about risk, even at risky times like right now. The only thing I can really tell you for sure is that obsessing and restricting your life beyond what is recommended by health authorities is not going to do anything to prevent the bad things from happening. It is only going to make you suffer and waste your time and energy in the meantime. Don't let this completely fill your life up. Take breaks from thinking about it by saying to yourself "I WILL worry about this but not right this moment" and doing something enjoyable like some artwork or reading or watching a movie. During that time when you get intrusive thoughts and urges to check that you've done everything to keep yourself safe, continue saying to the thoughts that you WILL engage with them but not right now. Every little helps. Over time this can really reduce your general anxiety and should stop you from feeling like you're really on the edge. Remember, those urges to think about it are intrusive thoughts, and ruminating about it even without doing anything physically is still a compulsion and will make the cycle continue. Allow yourself to take these periods of not thinking about it at all so that your anxiety can come down enough to do small exposures. Small exposures could be touching things and resisting the compulsion to wipe down the objects etc and saying to yourself "maybe the virus is there and maybe it's not", not trying to reassure yourself, just sitting with that anxiety until it reduces. And it will reduce. I promise. All feelings, when we allow ourselves to feel them without acting on or judging them, eventually ebb away. You have the capacity to do that with all feelings and to feel a real sense of peace and acceptance once you have let yourself digest the feelings. The best way out is through. You can do it

bay97

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much for the advice, that is really helpful. I honestly am letting it control my life atm but I’ve been trying to do small exposures. I’m planning on going to the grocery store w my mom in the next few days-so that will be one of my first exposures. I also have been going to therapy every week and had to touch a few things like a pen to sign something, etc. so I’ve been obsessing about that.. but trying to sit with the thoughts and let them pass.

ninagnes

Date posted: 5y

I am also trying to be mindful about how I react to the current virus. It's tough because it seems like the whole world around me is acting out compulsions and washing their hands constantly. I read a good article on vice about it, ocd and Corona or something. I'm also doing a lot of meditation and yoga to calm the anxiety and not try to act beyond the guidelines. It's tough, really, the fear is there but I'm trying to not give in. Stay strong. Pandemic will pass on it's on, ocd is harder to push back once it's over.

bay97

Date posted: 5y

I really hope all of this is over quickly. Before this all went down I was doing really good with ERP. It literally feels like the world is ending or something

bay97

Date posted: 5y

I’ve also been washing my hands way past 30sec, have had a hard time touching things in my house that are touched by family members like doorknobs, and have been afraid to wash my face with my hands or even get my hands near my face..

green bean

Date posted: 5y

u got this!! I believe in you

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

One amazing book I recommend to all OCD sufferers is called "letting go" by David R Hawkins. It's a wonderful book which guides you through sitting with uncomfortable feelings, noticing and letting them be felt in your entire body without resisting them, acting on them, ruminating on them or judging them or yourself for having them. Just feeling them until they're gone. It's a beautiful experience.

bay97

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for the recommendation. That is something my therapist has been advising me to do and it’s very helpful. It’s just been hard for me to do it recently with everything that’s going on since it feels like the worlds ending.

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 23w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

hestia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

I Need Help

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

jupiter

Date posted: 19w

I don’t know how to live anymore

(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.

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