Constantly struggle with the battle between saying ‘thoughts are just thoughts and OCD thoughts are ego-dystonic so you know they don’t represent who you are’ and the acceptance route of ‘it’s just a thought, maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t me - in my mind I’m like ‘well if it maybe means something then how can it be ego dystonic?’ - I really need help getting my mindfulness together!

Also, remember that when you are feeling highly anxious you are using your amygdala and your cognitive function goes waaaay down. Meaning, you can't convince yourself either way, even if you try. So it's best to just let it go. And when you are in your rational brain if you do see that thought again you will realize it's silly. But the point is to just stop fighting it.

Let me ponder on this a bit. I have an idea, but am not quite sure how to put it to words yet

i wonder this too!

Maybe don't go the extra step by labeling the thought. Example: ego-dystonic or "maybe it means something." Instead just see the thought and let it go. Or if it chooses to stay that's fine too. But don't label it. Just let it be. Much harder said than done but for mindfulness I practiced a lot of leaves on the water exercises and distancting myself from the thought/ feeling. That doesn't mean pushing it away, because it will push back harder but that does mean seeing it as seperate from yourself. An example: a thought suddently pops in your head, "I want to kill my mom." Don't judge it by attaching words to it. Obviously psychologically it's ego-dystonic but your sympathetic nervous system doesn't care about that. Instead, just notice the thought and then go on with your day. Don't label it.

I don't think the concepts are opposites. For a thought to be egodystonic OR egosyntonic, it's has to carry meaning and emotions with it. There's loads of thoughts that don't fit in either category because we don't think they're meaningful and we don't have strong emotions in response to them. Acceptance "maybe it means something, maybe it doesn't, and I don't have to figure it out" is how we learn to make the thought neither egodystonic not egosyntonic. Acceptance is how we making it just a boring old thought that flits in one ear and out the other

Hmm, sounds like when you try to embrace not knowing, your reaction to that is to stick up for yourself/argue by saying the same as the first thing: that it's ego dystonic so it can't be who you are. It's not surprising that you do this, potentially quite automatically, because OCD is like a bully who tells mean stuff about you, and for a lot of us the instinct is to vigorously defend ourselves and to point out flaws in their reasoning. Maybe it would get you out of this loop a bit to know that just because something is ego dystonic doesn't mean it can't be true. It just means it doesn't vibe with how you see and think of yourself. It being ego-dystonic is what makes it distressing. People with ego-systonic intrusive thoughts have obsessive compulsive personality disorder, because the thoughts align with how they like to see themselves. It really is only about how you see yourself, your identity and your preferences and values, most of which has been unconsciously accumulated over time. It doesn't have to be untrue. It can be ego-dystonic and still be true, like for a homophobe who starts to realise that they're gay, or a teenager realising they are a paedophile who sees themself as a good person and is horrified that their emerging feelings could mean something about them which is stigmatised and which might, even to themselves, go against the good person they have believed they are. In both of these cases, the thoughts are ego-dystonic but true, and can certainly develop into an OCD with checking, asking others, researching, analysing etc if the person has a predisposition. So hopefully that can help you to stay with the uncertainty. I'm sure I'll get a few panicked responses from people on this comment, but I'm not going to respond to reassurance-seeking.