- Username
- T.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
T. I told you what you need to do and work on. I’ve done intense imaginable exposure on this and utilised ACT - it takes months but you have to take the leap of faith and reclaim who you want to be. Fuck what is cunting bully called OCD is telling you. You can be who you want to be, it might taunt you-but it will NEVER have the ability to control you beyond reach. Build you self trust - challenge the dragon and increase confidence. It will back off eventually. You know this already, so give yourself what you deserve and fight the beast. We are behind you all the way
My therapist has taught me a lot of new skills. Always wear a rubber band and When you have a bad thought snap it. Don’t hurt yourself ? but I think it helps calm me down. Also if you have any compulsions try really hard not to act on them. Journaling and exercising also help. I’ve been where you are. You’re not alone.
And remember OCD makes a big deal out of every bad thought.... most people have odd thoughts but they think about it for a second and say nah that’s not possible and it goes away. People can’t control thinking so well when you have OCD
Acceptance of dreadful thoughts like this is very difficult, but the brain has to re evaluate its relationship to them if you force it to. It simply doesn’t have a choice in the long run. That’s why the program changes as you change. Leap of faith.
sexualized*** I see autocorrect mucked it up both times sorry
@Crazylady thank you for your comments.... My anxiety about this just never really goes away, you know?
@Soniclen thank you for your advice, I try to follow all the advice given to me but when I'm anxious it's like nothing I've heard exists. I focus only on the fact that I'm anxious and that a bad thought caused me to be anxious and I try to figure out why I focus on/had the bad thought and why anxiety was the result which I KNOW doesn't help.... but it's almost like I can't help it when I'm anxious because all my bad thoughts feel true. I know the experience isn't unique to me, I just have a hard time believing I truly do have ocd even though my therapist said I do. I'm just so afraid that I really don't and that my thoughts mean something. *trigger warning* And I don't have a history of being abused as a child or anything, I developed this after getting intrusive thoughts when I learned a little girl who lived in my town was sexually abused. It didn't affect me like this at first, but I would periodically get intrusive thoughts after that and they absolutely destroyed me. I didn't really develop this full on obsession until after I was having a rough patch with intrusive thoughts and while simultaneously learning about Freud and psychoanalysis (I'm a psych major). Needless to say that completely freaked me out and I developed this obsession and it seems the thoughts have only gotten worse since, even though they weren't like that in the beginning and have only gotten like that these past months (the beginning of the school year when I learned about Freud in my university class). I feel like I've heard all the advice but because I still doubt that I have ocd it's so hard for me to apply it.... As the thoughts have gotten worse, I've also worried that I have or will begin to "enjoy" them, which rips me to shreds. I'm so sorry for the terribly long reply, I just felt the need to explain myself. Even though that doesn't really change anything. Even so, I appreciate your reply so so much. Thank you ?
T. I will get back to you on this. You and I are very similar. And there are the core themes. ‘Will allowing these sick thoughts and images train my brain to like the ideas presented sexually, even if I’m repulsed morally?’ ‘What will others think of me if they knew I thought these things, even though I didn’t want to?’ Neither of these have perfect answers. But neither have to control you either. Mine were and are bad because mine are tied to sensory information too making those that replicate my abuse by my cousin particularly dreadful. But exposure is exposure. I’ve come to accept that some learned behaviour is there and it is technically possible such a dreadful predilection could develop. But it could in anyone. So I focus on who I want to be, and practise self forgiveness for thoughts I NEVER ASKED FOR OR WANTED!. I’m trying to trust my brain that while it is given allowance to process such dreadful thoughts, that it will simultaneously hold onto its natural preferences and beliefs. Those beliefs are still in your head along with the worries. It just needs to unlearn the fear, not your intimate preferences. Again - self trust, fake it till you make it. You’re building circuitry here. Give it time.
Need some advice here as I feel like such a sick twisted person..I feel like I may have sexual intrusive thoughts ocd but sometimes I think it’s just me and my twisted brain- intrusive thoughts about my family members has turned into pedophilia ocd and what makes it worse is that I work with children. Lately I’ve been seeing sexual intrusive images of me sexually abusing young children normally male, and I am obviously distressed by them and I would never act on that but it makes me feel like I would actually do that cause of the feeling I would get and it’s all so confusing and scary cause I would never do that to a child. Please someone help that has maybe been through a similar experience?
Im sorry for a long post but I'm very scared Prior to few weeks ago I didn't have any sexual thoughts regarding children EVER, and if I did then I really can't remember. But ever since I started worrying about the possibility that I might be attracted to them, I just felt severely awful. And it's getting worse and worse overtime. What started as just me worrying that I might be attracted to kids has now turned into a deep belief that there is a very dark and real part of me that is, in fact, a pedophile. I even started having intrusive but pleasurable fantasies about children and it's driving me absolutely sick. I really wish that it's just a very extreme form of POCD and not actually me turning into a monster, but with each passing day my hope is fading away, replaced with pure disgust in myself and unwillingness to live like this. Has anyone here ever went through something similar?
I’ve always been a huge feminist, anti-racist, anti-sexual assaulters, etc. Basically against everybody anti-human rights. But because my OCD has been trying to convince me that I’m a sexual assaulter, a pedophile, racist, etc. (basically everything that goes against my morals), it also tries to tell me that I should sympathize with people I used to be against. Sometimes I’ll read about, say, teens committing sexual assault, and in the past I would have firmly said “they need to be punished”, whereas now I think “well, what if they didn’t know better? I made a mistake when I was a teen; what if they thought it was okay?” I never say these out loud because I dont want to make real victims feel bad, obviously. And if I hear someone has been racist, I’ll think, “What if they’re like me?” I still believe we need to eradicate sexual assault, racism, homophobia, etc, but I can’t help but think I’m a part of the problem, so sometimes I find myself sympathizing with “bad people”. It’s really messing my mind up. I don’t know what to think. Does anyone feel the same way or have any tips?
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