i really thought i was getting better and the symptoms were less, as i started CBT a few weeks ago. i have told my therapist, psychiatrist, and my mom that it has been better, decreased by an hour-hour and a half. but honestly, it feels about the same. maybe even worse. i’m not sure if i just want them to think it’s better, or if since telling them that it has decreased. i try so hard to resist my compulsions and do my exercises but for some reason i just can’t. i HAVE to do the compulsions or else this or that or whatever will happen. it almost feels like i’m stuck. i feel guilty because i’m not sure if i lied or if i genuinely thought i was doing better. i really feel like i’m never going to get rid of this and the fears are realer than ever, even though i know my compulsions won’t reduce the risk of these things coming true. i don’t know what to do.

I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt

Its been around a year now that ive struggled heavily with intrusive thoughts. I haven’t noticed it in my other years, aside from when i was a young kid. I want to get diagnosed with OCD or try to see what my therapist will say. Ive been summing up the courage to speak about this for months now and i have an appointment on the 26th. I feel like im ready to finally talk about it will someone, yet one thing is holding me back. The doubt. I started struggling HEAVILY with OCD symptoms around march of 2024. I mean rumination, compulsions, shame, disgust, etc. It was one of the worsts points of my like and it cared on from January-Late august of 2024. I was literally in distress everyday of my life. I had constant intrusive thoughts that would go away, and unbearable anxiety. Yet around september hit they started getting EASIER to mange. (remember that, they didnt go away, i just wasnt as effected) I was quite happy i could live a little without pain and that carried from Sept-December 2024. But then January hit again, and everything just seems to flow right back to me. I cant stop thinking about how i used to feel, the pain i was in. Everyday my brain wants me to remember the anguish i was put through. I finally decided i will talk about this to my Therapist. My only doubt is that, everything is much easier for me to deal with, and my anxiety isnt as strong. I still have intrusive thoughts and suffer with performing compulsions, but i dont ruminate anymore. That should be a good thing but my brain tells me that means my feelings arent valid, and i dont have OCD cause things are better. Im sorry for this long read, i just need to get this off my chest. How do i talk to my therapist about wanting to get an evaluation, when most of my main hard aspects in OCD are in the past? (AKA the past i suppressed and shut down)Any help is appreciated. 😕

i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling