ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 5y
Remember that ocd goes after what you love and care about and always makes it as real as it can get! Do you have a therapist? Stay strong!
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Ok I don’t like these answers. I know everyone means well but what if someone said something about pocd and all of a sudden everyone’s like “well, what’s wrong with being attracted to a child?” Ocd isn’t about what’s right or wrong or what’s homophobic or what’s considered normal blah blah. It is ONLY about the obsession. I’m a woman, I’ve been attracted to women before, I am definitely not lesbian and never have been or bi. The thoughts stay in my head because I’m happy with men and it doesn’t bother me at all. If ocd tried to cling to those thoughts I’ve had that literally mean nothing, it would be torturous! Focus on the obsession, do erp and kill it! You deserve to live your life without constant fear.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Well, yes. I would indeed ask "what's wrong with being attracted to a child?". Same with beastiality etc. Would it change their morals and values? Would it mean they have to do something illegal? Would it make them the worst person in the world, having an attraction they have no control over? Believe it or not it's actually important to LOOK at the things which feel like threats and see if they're actually as bad as they feel like. Not so that we can attempt to accept our OCD ideas/thoughts/fears. So that we can see it in a less black and white way, get a more realistic sense of our own resilience, and THEREFORE reduce the sense of threat caused by the OCD ideas. When the fear seems less threatening, and we have more confidence in our ability to handle it, it becomes much, much, much, much easier to resist the urges to do mental compulsions like checking and seeking reassurance. I cured my whole zoophilia OCD theme this way and it hasn't come back. I looked at it obejctively: "what would be so awful if this was true?", and instead of automatically going to my feared consequences of "everyone would hate me", "I'd never have a normal relationship", "I'd probably end up acting on it and go to prison", "I'll never be able to connect with or feel close to other people because I'll never be able to tell them about this and if I did, they'd abandon me" etc, I tried to actually be more objective. It's unlikely that sensible people would hate me for something I can't control, and the kinds of people who would hate me for it, aren't worth knowing. I could perfectly well have a normal relationship with someone I'm attracted to. I could also survive the strain of not telling people about it or only telling people I trust a lot, especially as if I fill my life with other things, it will feel less important and less relevant to all the other parts of my relationship. I could still do a job I enjoy and activities I enjoy. I certainly would not have to act on it- even with pedophiles there are literally whole communities of pedophiles who support eachother not to act on their attractions, and I can still think it's morally wrong and not do it, I'm the one who is in charge. Etc. Once I laid all these things out for myself, the theme felt a lot less threatening and I quit all my compulsions, and eventually the urges to check like I needed to know for sure, went away. Now I have a much more rational outlook about it. I know that it's almost certainly OCD, I still believe all those things I laid out about how the consequences are not life-ending, and I know that even if it still causes me a bit of anxiety to remember the topic or I feel triggered sometimes, I don't ACTUALLY need to dig into it and try to find out. Because I'd survive either way. And I'm happier when I'm not thinking about it. So I don't. So I don't have OCD about it anymore. I don't have certainty, but I don't have the theme, I resist doing compulsions and that's BECAUSE I feel less threatened by it. If you can find any way at all to feel less threatened by the idea that you might like something which goes against the way you see yourself, it's going to make quitting the theme and staying quit, VASTLY easier. OCD thrives on black and white thinking. You can't kill obsessions by focusing on them. You kill obsessions by both reducing and adjusting to the levels of terror and discomfort they cause, to the point where you no longer spend your life trying to get, or even hoping for, perfect confidence.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy I know I’m just tired of seeing these poor hocd people getting told that it’s okay to be gay, basically. Like yes it is but that isn’t her point. She’s upset Bc her mind is telling her things that are making her obsess. I do agree she should accept uncertainty and realize no matter what, she is strong enough to survive these thoughts even if they were true. But- there’s people up there trying to convince her she might actually like men and that could be very triggering
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@BrainH20 Well, for me it was intended to get the person to look at whether their fear level is genuinely realistic. The only other person who said anything like that was intrusiveavenger, I agree that their comments probably weren't very helpful.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
U did!
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
I hate it. And even more so because I'm not anxious. It's literally true. Kill me.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@ｆｅｎｎａ Its ocd and even what’s wrong with a male
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
@intrusiveavenger I simply hate everything about the idea of being with one and that has been true for my entire life. Or that's what I think I did. I cannot change that, I've tried. I still hold to that. Even though I probably have had genuine desire for men. Everything is wrong with a male. I can't handle this.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@ｆｅｎｎａ You could be bi with a preference for women or ocd is just tricking your mind
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
@intrusiveavenger I know I could, but I'm not okay with that.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@ｆｅｎｎａ List 5 things of why u don’t want a man
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
@intrusiveavenger Their bodies are gross to me and have zero appeal. I wouldn't be happy with a man even if he was perfect. I feel like I'd be traumatized if I ever got with a guy. I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I hate the internalized misogyny they all have.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@ｆｅｎｎａ I see your points
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@ｆｅｎｎａ I have a fear of pegging so I can’t talk 😂
FuckHOCDFuckHOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Why u saying she could be bi for ffw
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Why are you not ok with being bisexual with a strong preference for women? Sexuality is well known to be a spectrum. Nobody is going to make you fantasize about or sleep with a man, and noticing that you've ever felt attracted to one doesn't make it any more likely that you'll sleep with one if you don't choose to. You're in charge. So what if you've ever had a genuine desire to sleep with a male? Why would it need to be a source of pain? Even if you hate or strongly disapprove of common things in men like misogyny, having ever had a sexual attraction to one isn't a betrayal of your moral standards or your identity, it's just a thing which happens sometimes, it's not a threat.
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
It feels wrong, it doesn't feel like me. I know that sexuality is a spectrum but it feels so wrong to me. It's not just that I don't want to want it,I literally cannot believe myself. It feels so unnatural. It feels like I'm lying. I have nothing against bisexuals, I have amazing bisexual friends, and I'm fully supportive of them, it just doesn't seem like something that's me. It feels exactly the same as the times I forced myself to fantasize about men. Even if I don't have fo ever act upon the attraction it feels wrong to say that I even had it. It is so alien. I hate it.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@ｆｅｎｎａ Ok, so when you insist that you're only into women, it feels like a lie, and when you say that you're bisexual, it feels like a lie too. When you insist you've never had any attraction to a man, it feels like a lie, and when you think of a scenario where it might have been true, and you try to accept it, it feels like a lie too. We've all been there, with OCD your feelings just don't match up with what you should have confidence about, so you go with your feelings and start to doubt what you know. Probably the best thing to do is stop ruminating on this theme. It's not as if you actually need to know for certain one way or the other, and when you deliberately and mindfully stop obsessing about a theme, it stops feeling so threatening and plausible. You're not ever going to get a concrete answer via more obsessing, so it's a better idea to stop and live by your values instead.
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Tbh, my intuition continues to insist that I'm exclusively into women just as it did when I was 6, 9, 11, 12, 13, 15, 16, 18, 20, and now at 22. But technically it likely isn't true anymore. Regardless, you're right about me having to stop obsessing. Thanks for grounding me.
Related posts
BB1224
- Date posted
- 14w
PLEASE HELP
I remember another thing from the past where it was a sexual thought and I don’t remember if I was talking to or dating my gf at the time but it was like “if I was talking to someone else like _____ I’d be able to have sex already” and I feel terrible bc I don’t want sex. I would rather be with my girlfriend than any other girl. Idk if the thought was intrusive or not. I think the people or person I was thinking of may have been intrusive. I’m just terrified bc I really love my gf and don’t care about sex
ivefailed.
- Date posted
- 8w
something bad happened +18, NOT a groinal response
help. it all happened too very fast. i was having a random b*ner, and i wanted to stop it by forcing an er*ction so it would go down afterwards, i had also seen a yt short of cyberpunk 2077 phantom liberty, in which a beautiful redheaded character appears, and i had random thought abt how maybe she wouldn't be truly that pretty and it was just make up. i imagined a scenario in which i had an okay looking girlfriend but that would look very hot with make up on, and i thought that was the perfect scenario to release the b*ner by momentarily forcing an erection and as i did that i remembered a highschool crush i had of a girl older than me that i found very beautiful and i distinctly remember being excited to see her with make up on, and this memory associated immediately. it went like this -> imagine girlfriend that is beautiful with make up on as i prepare to have an er*ction -> this reminds me just like that time in highschool -> the positive memory of my crush appears as i force an er*ction to happen at the same time without thinking too much (this all happens in a span of a millisec) i don't know how but my brain didn't register that memory as a threat, i had forgotten the context, it didn't even cross my mind that it happened years ago in highschool, i just had this memory. now im worried that i committed a horrible disgusting act. the erection wasn't caused by the memory of the crush, i planned it to happen with a safe image and that image of the crush appeared as i remembered and it didn't register it as a threat and this just happened; because i don't believe i was aroused by the memory, i was just remember that she was pretty. i don't know if it was just coincidence. it wasn't intentional, but now im disgusted at myself. there are 3 possibilities: 1. i already had made the conscious decision to force an erection from the scenario before and as the memory appeared, as it all happened in a millisecond, i didn't have enough time to process it with its due context and i didnt perceive that memory as triggering or something inappropriate and for my brain it was okay to be in the background while the er*ction happened. 2. it happened in one second, the conscious decision was already made from the scenario before so the er*ction randomly happened during the remembrance 3. worst case: in the moment of the er*ction as i remembered the crush i put myself in those shoes of the young me and as the memory happened very fast i forgot the context and the distance of the period frame in which had happened (long ago) and since i remembered her being older than me i still perceived in that fragment of the memory that way, and since i was in the memory itself i found her attractive normally, indistinguishably and separated from the present time, and for that split second i perceived her normally as if i was attracted to a girl in my present time, it literally felt a "normal" perception of a girl i liked and i didn't realise it wasn't the case; and my mind since it lacked the necessary context it allowed it to be non dangerous and not wrong to force an erection, and i realised it was a mistake only after it happened hence the panic... so it all happened before processing the context of the time in which had happen that would result as inappropriate. im afraid that the 3. is what happened and that it is unacceptable.
ivefailed.
- Date posted
- 8w
something bad happened +18, NOT a groinal response
help. it all happened too very fast. i was having a random b*ner, and i wanted to stop it by forcing an er*ction so it would go down afterwards, i had also seen a yt short of cyberpunk 2077 phantom liberty, in which a beautiful redheaded character appears, and i had random thought abt how maybe she wouldn't be truly that pretty and it was just make up. i imagined a scenario in which i had an okay looking girlfriend but that would look very hot with make up on, and i thought that was the perfect scenario to release the b*ner by momentarily forcing an erection and as i did that i remembered a highschool crush i had of a girl older than me that i found very beautiful and i distinctly remember being excited to see her with make up on, and this memory associated immediately. it went like this -> imagine girlfriend that is beautiful with make up on as i prepare to have an er*ction -> this reminds me just like that time in highschool -> the positive memory of my crush appears as i force an er*ction to happen at the same time without thinking too much (this all happens in a span of a millisec) i don't know how but my brain didn't register that memory as a threat, i had forgotten the context, it didn't even cross my mind that it happened years ago in highschool, i just had this memory. now im worried that i committed a horrible disgusting act. the erection wasn't caused by the memory of the crush, i planned it to happen with a safe image and that image of the crush appeared as i remembered and it didn't register it as a threat and this just happened; because i don't believe i was aroused by the memory, i was just remember that she was pretty. i don't know if it was just coincidence. it wasn't intentional, but now im disgusted at myself. there are 3 possibilities: 1. i already had made the conscious decision to force an erection from the scenario before and as the memory appeared, as it all happened in a millisecond, i didn't have enough time to process it with its due context and i didnt perceive that memory as triggering or something inappropriate and for my brain it was okay to be in the background while the er*ction happened. 2. it happened in one second, the conscious decision was already made from the scenario before so the er*ction randomly happened during the remembrance 3. worst case: in the moment of the er*ction as i remembered the crush i put myself in those shoes of the young me and as the memory happened very fast i forgot the context and the distance of the period frame in which had happened (long ago) and since i remembered her being older than me i still perceived in that fragment of the memory that way, and since i was in the memory itself i found her attractive normally, indistinguishably and separated from the present time, and for that split second i perceived her normally as if i was attracted to a girl in my present time, it literally felt a "normal" perception of a girl i liked and i didn't realise it wasn't the case; and my mind since it lacked the necessary context it allowed it to be non dangerous and not wrong to force an erection, and i realised it was a mistake only after it happened hence the panic... so it all happened before processing the context of the time in which had happen that would result as inappropriate. im afraid that the 3. is what happened and that it is unacceptable.
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