On Tuesday I was super happy that my intrusive thoughts diminished. Today they are ramptant. My therapist said that the distress from people with ocd comes from not actually wanring to harm others as opposed to actual bad people, their distress comes from not wating to get caught. And now Im wondering the true reason for my distress. Ocd (karen) keeps saying," I just wanna kill someone." And even writing this I feel like Im faking it. It doesn't help that I was woth my parents last night and I imagined hitting my dad with a metal tool. Im in this place where I struggle and wonder who am I? What is happening to me? Ocd says Im faking it. What have been

I suffer from intrusive thoughts, I think I may have HARM OCD. My therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression but not OCD because I never told her about my thoughts. I’m afraid of being around vulnerable people, and I’m afraid for going insane. The thought of it makes me want to throw up, this all started about a week ago, and I haven’t been able to eat since then. I don’t even want to go out because I’m in constant fear. I tell myself “what if I snap?” or “what if I’m a sociopath?” I have told my parents about it and even my significant other and they tell me “you wouldn’t even hurt a fly” I kind of feel relieved after that but not for long. I’ve been trying to get closer to god, I’ve been praying, meditating, I even took magnesium because I want to stop having these thoughts. I did go to therapy right away but I wasn’t completely honest to her due to fear. I’ve been feeling numb. I love my family.. so why am I afraid I might hurt them?

I hate how my mind is making me doubt of my intentions when i clearly know that I don’t have any desires to act on my thoughts. It makes my intentions feel so uncertain, and sometimes it would even make me feel like if I wanted to act on my thoughts when I actually don’t, because I wouldn’t be doubting if I did. So since I feel my intentions so uncertain I need to come to an answer, and sometimes it is so damn hard to get that answer, which makes me anxious and disturbed. It would also make me think of my past like, how were you okay without having these thoughts? Or makes me think of my future like, will you be okay without these thoughts? So it would make me think that these thoughts are really desires and I won’t be okay unless I act on them. As horrible as it sounds. And I don’t know if someone gets this too but, it would also make me doubt my feelings. When my family tells me cute things like “I love you” and stuff, I would feel so bad, because my thoughts are towards them. So I would say “ily too” but I feel like an hypocrite saying it, or like I don’t mean it at all, so it makes me doubt if I really love them or not. This is all so overwhelming, and I have gone through so many disturbing and crazy thoughts, feelings and situations, that I don’t know if this might be OCD.

just a couple days ago i experienced this for the first time from watching the new DAHMER series. Im having intrusive images and thoughts of me harming or killing my loved ones and its so scary because i would never do it. It has me questioning if im crazy and im having severe panic attacks over 3 times a day. Im mentally and physically drained, i’ve told my mom about it and we are going to see a therapist tomorrow. Im scared to because idk if they specialize in OCD and if i tell them my thoughts they are gonna put me in the mental hospital or say im crazy and don’t have OCD, can any therapists on here or fellow people with Harm OCD let me know if you think im showing signs of it, i just want it to go away and to be able to sleep at night without severe overthinking.