Last 24 hours have been pure hell. Lots of intrusive thoughts. Lots of images and sensations of me committing terrible things. I know they are not me. I don’t even fear that I will or even want to do it. I need my brain to leave me alone. I struggle to enjoy sex at the moment. I feel like an abuser. I’m anything but! It’s the total opposite of who I am! WTF is wrong with me?? Why won’t my brain get the god damn memo??? I’m going to send my cousin, my abuser to jail and I’m going to ruin his life like he has ruined mine. I’ve had enough of this. Everyone is going to know what a perverse little paedophile he is. I’m in the process of reporting him. And screw the family - they can hate me all they like. He’s not getting away with it. I hate my extended family except two people. They can all go to hell!!!!

I am so incredibly sorry that u had to endure such a horrible experience. Although u can’t see it now, ur experience will make u stronger. I know it feels like rn it’s making u crazy...but maybe ur MEANT to feel crazy rn...maybe ur meant to feel that so it pushes u so far to finally place a bad man (related or not) in jail. Because of ur intrusive thoughts another little boy or girl hopefully will NOT have to encounter the likes of ur perverse extended family. See the silver lining...have faith, and God bless u

I wish I could meet you all and give you a hug. I’ve needed this community so damn much. 465 - it seems I am now the one who needs your help

I know. I was fine and then got a bunch of images the last hour. Just gotta trust myself. Again though, we have to accept that we won’t have certainty that we COULD NOT develop such horrible interests. We won’t, we despise it. But we like to think of it as an impossibility for us. Doesn’t have to be for others, but it has to be for us. I am accepting I could be capable of continuing the cycle - but I won’t because I fucking loathe it. But some do. Under different circumstances I could be, and that’s scary

Thank you so much. I never thought of it like that. His abuse doesn’t bother me and hasn’t for years. It’s the intrusive thoughts that are recreations that bother me. Still thank you for your kind words. The bastard is going to remembered and reviled for what he has done

Wish u the best lots of love ❤️

You are doing the right thing. So courageous and noble. We support you 10000000% percent

U poor thing thanks so much for helping me and I wish I had the strength to help u please stay strong for ur beautiful family that piece of shit can go to hell!!

It really has been my pleasure. I’m still here to help you if you need it. I come here to offload but I do little rumination and no fucking googling? How are you feeling right now compared to how you we’re?

Not good tbh my dog died n I still feel so nervous around kids like im so scared I’m attracted to them n I hate my brain when it says I wish it wasn’t illegal so I can do it it will be good n ur not scared yes I fucking am n urges r the worst life is fucking hard

It’s all OCD this. Now due to my experience I am very cautious about who gets to sit with my older boy. I’ve read your posts, full of graphic detail, like you have an evil twin trying to ‘force your hand’. So maybe it will REALLY surprise you when I tell you that I would be happy for you to spend time with him. Alone. And yes I know you would think and see the most grotesque things happening. The content is grotesque. You are simply an extraordinarily caring soul who is suffering needlessly. I hope this brings you comfort.

What?

I mean I would trust you with my son despite your thoughts and fears. Even though I know your mind would tell you all sorts of things. The other point I was making was that in VERY cautious of who gets to spend time with him, so you should take comfort in that.

Oh thank u so much that means a lot

Oh sorry I understand now so much is going on my head

Yh