- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I really appreciate everyone’s support here. It means a lot. I do my best to share what I’ve learned with others and try to make other people’s dark times a little less dark. You’ve all certainly done that for me. I’m getting through this set back and refocusing on doing erp. I had taken a break and it’s clear I need to restart because I’ve backtracked. And that’s okay. I wish you all so much luck with your own journeys.
- Date posted
- 4y
We are all here for eachother ♥
- Date posted
- 4y
I also can resonate with the first parts that I wouldn't give others the rules or advice that I myself live under by OCD. My therapist says it's something called Cognitive Dissonance Wishing you the best for your recovery ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
I think OCD can easily become our identity card that we have of ourselves. Like if you were to imagine introducing yourself it would be. "Hi I'm Ella and I AM OCD. I'm a walking, talking, living OCD human." But we're not, right? There's other parts to us. But our suffering of OCD consumes us and we identify as solely being OCD. Im still in this, with one of my goals to build confidence in these coming years to gain a broader perspective of ALL the parts of me, not just OCD and the intrusive thoughts. Not sure if any of that even makes sense..
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- 4y
Beautifully said.
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- 4y
im afraid to...
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- 4y
I'm sure it feels terrible, but it sounds like you're doing a good job processing ☺.
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- 4y
Aww. I’m sorry. I’ve noticed that the less OCD I have it’s easier to see who the real me is. When my OCD gets bad I too fear that that’s the real me, and the other me is a lie. When you are healthy though you’ll be on the other side. Keep up the good work. And exercise and eat healthy.
- Date posted
- 4y
Wow, I’ve been thinking about this so much lately and I really REALLY relate - the uncertainty can be debilitating at times and the fact that people can perceive us in ways we may not know is really really scary sometimes. Know you’re not alone in this and you won’t feel like this forever! ❤️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
- Date posted
- 20w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 7w
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
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