This horrible disorder never ends if you keep fighting, it destroys you mentally and physically, till there's nothing left but obsessions and intrusive thoughts. No sleep, no appetite, no will to live. Controlling your life till life isn't worth it anymore. I've been suffering with OCD (mainly Pure O) for many years now and it is a giant monster always finding cracks to renew and feeds on the slightest doubt, it's a never ending rabbit hole of darkness, if you fight it. There is no answer nor reassurance nor pills to stop the horrible doubts and fears, you can't out think it or try to stop thinking it, just try your best to realise that it is nothing to do with you as a person, you are completely FREE from the horrible thoughts and urges your mind sends you, it's the mind you must seperate the two. Acceptance of uncertainty, trusting in life and realising that thoughts can't be stopped nor controlled nor deleted nor escaped is the way to overcome.

Maybe this will help someone. I have had Pure O / POCD / ROCD for about 18 years. Recently I’ve started to open my mind to all the negative thoughts, to just sit and say ‘Do your worst’. And when the thoughts come I refuse to deal with them, I just accept that these things might happen. And of course, when I feel like I’ve dealt with one thought, my OCD looks for another, and another...but I just deal with those in the same way. I feel like I’m tiring out my OCD, little by little. It can be really scary, but it definitely works. I don’t know how it works, but it does. In a few weeks I felt a lot better about two specific thoughts that I’ve had for literally the past few years. We all need to remember that the stuff we think works (rumination, reassurance) doesn’t, and the stuff we don’t think will work actually does! Stay strong everyone ?

It feels like the ocd has gotten to a point where it's just there in the background at all times. Even if im not having some POCD related thought it's like it's just taken away a part of me I feel i can't get back. I still go through the motions and try to joke around and be silly like i would normally. But its just hard to always feel this anxiety and uncertainty in the background. Sure, i can handle it. But what is that worth when you're just handling a slow persistent torture. Everywhere i go it's like i can't connect, seeing others happy and seemingly carefree makes me feel like an alien. Every morning for 8 months the OCD pops in within the first minute of the day. Doesn't have to even be a thought around POCD, though it usually is. Its just the general thought that i have this thing that i can't seem to get rid of and its making me a lesser version of myself. And on top of it all, i can't truly know if its OCD. Since its more "Pure-O" it feels hard to relate to others and their experiences with OCD. Just such a damn mess. This has happened before with other themes but this POCD thing feels like a demon on steroids.

To anyone who has POCD and has had a successful recovery, how does your day to day life look like now? Do you still have those thoughts in the back of your mind and just not let them bother you? Or have you gone about your days without even thinking about it at all? Has your life somewhat been back to normal? Do you still have harder days? And how often? Have you gained trust and confidence in who you are? Do you not allow OCD to make you question yourself? The reason I ask is because I worry that though I might get “better” I still will have hard days like every other week. Like having to have good days but deep down knowing you’re going to struggle with this for the rest of your life. Because personally I just can’t possibly imagine having to knowingly do ERP everyday for the rest of my life just to not crumble and fall apart. Yes I might be “better” at handling it, it will still be something I’m gonna have to be focusing on not allowing OCD to take over. I just want to live my life how I used to. Not having to try everyday to fall apart, ignoring thoughts, forcing myself to be uncomfortable, having to resist questioning things, and faking being okay with what I’m going through. It gets tiring having to do those things everyday. It’s so much easier to just give up. I’m doing my best to not give up. But the thought of having to fight OCD everyday and knowingly sounds much worse than just giving up. I feel like I’m a pretty reasonable person so having to live through this just doesn’t sound worth it and I think it’s pretty messed up to shame someone for wanting to “give up” if you know what I mean. So If there’s no true good outcome after consistent hard work. I think mental illnesses can be just as bad as a physical illness. But we don’t shame them for giving up a treatment because there’s no actual cure. We understand they can’t deal with the pain anymore and want to be set free. But when it comes to mental illness, being set free is looked down upon. But maybe there is no cure or good outcome and all we want is to be set free.