This horrible disorder never ends if you keep fighting, it destroys you mentally and physically, till there's nothing left but obsessions and intrusive thoughts. No sleep, no appetite, no will to live. Controlling your life till life isn't worth it anymore. I've been suffering with OCD (mainly Pure O) for many years now and it is a giant monster always finding cracks to renew and feeds on the slightest doubt, it's a never ending rabbit hole of darkness, if you fight it. There is no answer nor reassurance nor pills to stop the horrible doubts and fears, you can't out think it or try to stop thinking it, just try your best to realise that it is nothing to do with you as a person, you are completely FREE from the horrible thoughts and urges your mind sends you, it's the mind you must seperate the two. Acceptance of uncertainty, trusting in life and realising that thoughts can't be stopped nor controlled nor deleted nor escaped is the way to overcome.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, also known as the disease of doubt, has a very crippling effect on an individual's ability to function at its worst. This seems to happen especially when the individual's obsessive-compulsive disorder is thematically related to violence, sexually inappropriate thoughts or other taboo topics. When the vicious circle progresses far enough, a person no longer necessarily knows himself at all, is not sure of who they are or what they want. I believe that the background of obsessive-compulsive disorder, like the background of mental health problems in general, is a feeling of disgust and revulsion towards some thought, scenario or self. The way in which obsessive-compulsive disorder manifests itself, especially in the so-called "pure o" form, is very complex, because the individual disgust-inducing thematicity manifests itself not only in thoughts but also in the form of feelings, temptations and physical sensations. In some cases, however, this goes so far that the person's beliefs about his own integrity begin to decay and the feeling of hope and the meaning of life disappear. The idea can be clarified analogously to Nietzsche's thoughts on belief systems. As a result of obsessions and other repulsive thoughts, feelings and temptations, a person's belief system about his own integrity begins to collapse, but when the belief system collapses - the belief in that belief system itself collapses as well. When it no longer seems meaningful or possible to believe in the realization of a familiar and safe belief system, there is also no hope for anything better. So there is no longer even hope left for a meaningful whole of self, which drives a person to deep anxiety and depersonalization, which in turn begins to displace a person from social relationships and from all meaningful activities that a person is used to enjoying and creating meaning for his life based on his own complete self-concept, which is no longer felt to exist. Any thoughts or similar experiences on this?

It’s amazing how powerful OCD is, I went through the worst Mental Health experience of my entire life last year. I thought my life was over, that I was insane, and was convinced 100% I had schizophrenia. My brain was mimicking every symptom. It was terrifying. After starting OCD therapy and ERP. My life changed forever. I was actually mental stable for once. I felt happy and controlled for once. Now Schiz OCD is back , and it seems worse then before. I can’t sleep, eat, work, or even socialize. I constantly feel insane. My two biggest themes are Harm OCD and Schiz OCD. And these themes work together to cause me constant anxiety. It’s hell. I can’t even think straight. I’m currently dealing with DP/DR, command thoughts/voice, internal voices/thoughts that I can make not sound like me or my inner monologue, “What if” delusional thoughts,hyperviligance,checking if I hear or see anything externally(auditory and visual hallucinations) and many more. I question my insight constantly. I even went to the hospital the other day to get evaluated and make sure I don’t have psychosis. Everything I fear the most seems to be coming true. Constantly asking my parents and therapist/professionals if I have schizophrenia. Constantly looking for reassurance. Feels as if I’m thinking my way into psychosis and schizophrenia. OCD knows exactly what you fear and will try to one up you on anything. OCD will CONVINCE you everything that’s happening to you is true , all your biggest fears. OCD is trying to find new things to keep you stuck and hold you in fear. This experience has been horrible and I am convinced I’m going insane. But I’ve been through this once and I’m going to get through this again. STAY STRONG. Reach out to professionals, Resist compulsions, step into the fear, and relax a little bit. You’re not alone.

So I’ve been struggling to write this down. The truth about OCD is that it sucks. I get weird thoughts and they stick. And because I can’t confirm their weird thoughts i get stuck in a cycle of rumination. That’s my compulsion. I avoid people and situations because I think I’m a bad person. Which ultimately drove me into depression and more. The verdict is this: you can’t make a thought go away. You can accept it as a thought even if you feel doubt about accepting it and letting it be there. Fake it till you make it. I’m faking it everyday and I’ve grown so much since staring my exposure therapies. Don’t avoid your exposures. They become so easy like water. The hardest part is starting. Rumination is a choice - believe it or not. I go, wait a minute wait a minute, I don’t want to keep figuring this out. And I feel the train tracks move and my mind goes else where. This is with therapy. This is with holding on to my last string of hope. And to make this easier for all of you. I’m a mother. My ocd has made my life harder because I have a tiny human who relies on me. I had a horrible childhood with the main billion still in my life. I’ve accepted it. Accept and move on. Work out for 5 min a day. Buy a new gym outfit that makes u feel hot!! Eat something different like a good quality chocolate bar ( a piece ) enjoy it!!!! Chew it slowly. Drink some water. Listen to your heart not your OCD . We don’t need compulsions, you will get there and one day believe it. Live with ocd like you don’t care! You’ve gotten this far. Rewrite your story this year. Start again everyday. And take it day by day… Build your peace and remember, nobody has the motivation to get out of bed, it’s about building good habits and discipline. Start preparing your meals for thanksgiving. Give charity, pray to god once a day. Tell him your letting him take over. Now get up and , 1,2, ready set GO.