Someone who has HOCD, can share your story with me?? I'm new in the app.

My HOCD started when I was young. I must've been 14-15 years old. I was brutally bullied and even receive a rape threat. Now I had always liked girls. I remember being 9-10 and imagining myself kissing girls. I remember imagining girls naked. The whole nine yards. The bullying messed me up. I suddenly started to get intrusive thoughts. They'd even get to me when I masturbated. Till one day I decided to test myself. Something that went on for a few months. And it messed me up. That's why they tell you to never do that if you have this condition. Of course I didn't know I had OCD. I suddenly realised that I was miserable and didn't like what I was going through. So I stopped. I went on to fall in love with a girl. Kiss a girl. I almost had sex a few times. It all seemed like it was gone, but every time I felt a little miserable this kept coming back. I finally had a relationship and was happy, but after I broke up it came back. I'm doing a little better now, thank God.

My hOCD started this past June while I was 23. I had just confirmed my ex-boyfriend (my very first relationship) from a couple years back was gay and it just broke me because I thought he genuinely cared about me. I also started a new job and started having thoughts about if I was gay too and hiding it all along. I've been in a relationship with a great guy for over 2 years now and hocd makes me feel like I'm lying to him like my ex did to me. Being intimate is a struggle sometimes, and I'm constantly doubting if I love him. It's definitely better now than it was months ago, but I'm still recovering

I'm suffering from HOCD. Not sure how you'd like me to describe it.

What are your symptoms? How are you getting over with? Are you in therapy?

That's very tough @Arukawi. Did you see any warning signs when you two were dating? How long were you in a relationship? Were you intimate/physical?

I didn't really notice them! I think I was just too in love with him to realize our relationship wasn't great. We were together for about a year, but never super intimate because he could never get aroused Looking back on it now I should've known because there were so many signs I just didn't pick up on when I was younger

It's weird, but your response triggered me. OCD, and specifically HOCD and POCD can completely deplete your sex drive and that reminded me of a few times I couldn't get aroused and I got freaked out again. That's why it took me time to respond. Truth is that at his age I constantly wanted to meet a girl have a relationship and have sex. That was basically all I could think of. However, hormonal imbalances can make you unable to get aroused (aka impotence). I actually have to see a doctor about that.

It's normal to feel betrayed, but remember that some couples get married and either partner can end up leaving the other for someone of the same sex. I'm glad that never happened to you. No one deserves that.