- Username
- anonk
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I honestly feel the same way I’m so desensitized to subjects like pedophilia and rape. My thoughts tell me if no one said those things were bad, I’d probably enjoy and indulge in it. It’s like my brain can’t tell itself that those things are bad on its own. I feel like I’m secretly a sexual deviant with no morals.
I'm slowly coming out of a pocd bout. My thinking is it's ok to notice if someone under 18 is good looking - but black & white thinking makes you think that if you can think that then you must like it when you think of obscene images, which isn't true lol. For example - I think my mom is beautiful but it doesn't mean I want to see her in a sexual way. It's a weird gray area - which isn't that weird but we're black & white thinkers. And you know you're making it more than what it is when you have to keep checking. Do you keep checking your soup to see if it's hot while you're eating it?
I experience this exactly with my HOCD. It’s like I think the thought but then have this urge/desire to go back and ‘really’ think about it/“see them in that way” (this is how I describe it to others which doesn’t really make sense, but it’s hard to put OCD into words). It’s hard to distinguish this feeling as a compulsion because it feels so real and like a strong desire or piqued interest. But I know that compulsions often feel urgent and nagging, which is how this feels. Also, checking is a common mental compulsion in OCD!
Think about how you feel when you get these thoughts. To me it sounds that your are in distress and that these thoughts not only disgust you, but are also against who you are, right? Now ask yourself if someone who actually wants to do these horrific things in real life would feel the same way you do.
I had this for a while but even you guys saying it out loud, talking about it, shows that you are good people with good morals and you know that at the end of the day you’ll come off better. One question I used to ask myself was if it ever came to it would I be able to do that to an innocent child? The answer was no.
Are there any Christians on here with POCD? It's so difficult to navigate for me because all of these thoughts feel so unholy and real at the same time and I feel so far from God during them, like I'm a totally different person. Anyone relate?
Recently I have been struggling with sexual themed OCD and my main concern is that I can't help but thinking of real life situations, sexual thoughts, and feeling like I would enjoy it in real life (pocd, etc). I even have dreams in which I enjoy these sexual situations. I even feel like I like to think of these thoughts to test myself. I feel really disgusting and lost... Is is OCD or real attraction? Does it happen to anyone else? Would anyone have advice for me? Thank you so much and good luck 🫂
[TW: Sexual trauma, fetishes and kinks, POCD, guilt and mentions of suicidal thoughts] I've been hit hard with a variation of my OCD theme (POCD woo 🙄). And I've been researching and seeking reassurance like there's no tomorrow. I was doing so good, but then OCD grabbed the reigns and bam! What I'm dealing with is a combination of my OCD, my childhood trauma, and my sexuality and fetishes. And these are fetishes I can't deny I have, but I don't want them! My OCD is royally messing with me as it's not so much, "I'm afraid I'll be attracted to thos thing" but more of "you're attracted to this thing so what do you'd like this messed illegal thing! Or what if you have looked at a messed up illegal thing and are going to jail! And no one will love you! And your life is over!" Etc. It hurts so bad, I wish my trauma didn't give me the fetishes and kinks I like. But I understand it's a normal way the brain helps you deal with stuff. It's been so hard and so scary. I hate that I am a sexual being at all. For crying out loud I've never even had a first kiss let alone literally anything more than that! I feel dirty, guilty and ashamed. I am seeing a trauma and sex therapist to help me process this stuff. But of course OCD being the attention hog is like "Lemme squeeze in here and just totally ruin your day!" Because god knows it never gets enough attention 🙄 I feel like if I have desires or things I like that are too messed up what's the point of me being alive of most everyone would call me a perverted monster. I don't want anyone to get hurt in real life. I don't want to hurt anyone. If my sexuality is demented and there's nothing I can do about it, how long could I live with myself carrying this awful secret? I need help, not reassurance, but how the hell do I practice radical acceptance with this???
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