TW pocd This is really hard to explain but I’ll try. Struggle with POCD. I find the thoughts absolutely revolting but I think? A compulsion of mine is replaying the thought to check as the unwanted thought makes me feel like I “enjoy” the thought? It’s sickening. Anyway, the thought came, then another thought / temptation? Came to rethink the thought and “check” it. I resisted but then got this sickening feeling like my mind was telling me “awwww you’re disappointed you couldn’t enjoy the thought and at the same time find it repulsive” and know I feel like I’m just in denial that I secretly like the thought. My biggest fear is that I’m secretly attracted. Can anyone shed this light? Is this still OCD or temptation / unrepentant sin? ( I’m Christian. ) Thanks guys, struggling so much.

ρєαcнєѕ

Date posted: 6y

I honestly feel the same way I’m so desensitized to subjects like pedophilia and rape. My thoughts tell me if no one said those things were bad, I’d probably enjoy and indulge in it. It’s like my brain can’t tell itself that those things are bad on its own. I feel like I’m secretly a sexual deviant with no morals.

kfitz421

Date posted: 6y

I'm slowly coming out of a pocd bout. My thinking is it's ok to notice if someone under 18 is good looking - but black & white thinking makes you think that if you can think that then you must like it when you think of obscene images, which isn't true lol. For example - I think my mom is beautiful but it doesn't mean I want to see her in a sexual way. It's a weird gray area - which isn't that weird but we're black & white thinkers. And you know you're making it more than what it is when you have to keep checking. Do you keep checking your soup to see if it's hot while you're eating it?

m.a.d.

Date posted: 6y

I experience this exactly with my HOCD. It’s like I think the thought but then have this urge/desire to go back and ‘really’ think about it/“see them in that way” (this is how I describe it to others which doesn’t really make sense, but it’s hard to put OCD into words). It’s hard to distinguish this feeling as a compulsion because it feels so real and like a strong desire or piqued interest. But I know that compulsions often feel urgent and nagging, which is how this feels. Also, checking is a common mental compulsion in OCD!

deputydean

Date posted: 6y

Think about how you feel when you get these thoughts. To me it sounds that your are in distress and that these thoughts not only disgust you, but are also against who you are, right? Now ask yourself if someone who actually wants to do these horrific things in real life would feel the same way you do.

sherlock97

Date posted: 6y

I had this for a while but even you guys saying it out loud, talking about it, shows that you are good people with good morals and you know that at the end of the day you’ll come off better. One question I used to ask myself was if it ever came to it would I be able to do that to an innocent child? The answer was no.

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 21w

Help

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I’m freaking out please help

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

TurbulentSaq112

Date posted: 17w

POCD without guilt or shame

I am 15 years old and my POCD feels like its not POCD, i feel like i like my intrusive thoughts, but i have more intrusive thoughts about having intrusive thoughts, and i feel like i cant enjoy the things i normally enjoy anymore, like calling with my girlfriend and joking with her because this is still in the back of my mind, its making me question morals and if i ever even viewed P as completely wrong and i hate this so much, i love my nieces and nephews and when they're over i know id never do anything with my intrusive thoughts but when they arent present i feel like i like my thoughts. Before this i was dealing with HOCD and ROCD and i wish i could go back to that

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