So one thing I noticed is that the more I engage into compulsions (ruminating, checking, mental reviewing, seeking reassurance, googling stuff ...) the more real the thoughts, feelings and urges feel. Which then leads to more compulsions and keeps me trapped. I‘m just curious to know why is it like that? Does anyone know science behind this? And I noticed that things that used to reassure me stop working at some point which leads to me seeking for more reassurance.

Basically, the danger signal you get from a thought is reinforced by the compulsion. Because you answer the danger signal with a compulsion, the brain gets the signal that the threat is actually real, and therefore, needs to be something you’re on alert for. So, it starts looking for that threat everywhere. And guess what? It finds what it wants to find. You also get a little dopamine hit when you do the compulsion, your brain rewards you for soothing it about being in danger. When you stop the compulsion, the brain instead learns it sent a false alarm. It doesn’t have to look out for something that isn’t a threat.

Because if you’re doing certain things to get a particular feeling, you’re likely gonna get what you’re looking for. If you constantly check for attraction for the same or opp gender, you’re going to get it bc you went looking for it

Thanks for answering:) yeah makes sense it‘s like the more I check the more undesired feelings I get and the harder it gets to feel my actual feelings of attraction and Love to my boyfriend. OCD is so weird because when I‘m feeling better I just don’t understand how the hell it has the power to do this to me. And I also noticed that happens with other themes. For example when I worry that I‘m a narcissist and lack empathy I actually have a hard time to recall feelings of empathy. It‘s so crazy what our brains are capable of