- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
It means you had something bad happen to you. That’s all. Any meaning beyond that is unknowable and it’s a waste of time to keep trying to “figure it out.” I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. And there is absolutely nothing abnormal about the things you did after or how you’re feeling now. This is pretty typical of ocd to use these things against you. Are you seeing an ocd specialist? You’re at the perfect time in your life to start taking control of your mental health. And the sooner you get the right treatment the sooner you can get back to being you.
Thank you for that I am about to start seeing a specialist next week. I need this I just find it hard to accept those things for myself I just don’t understand why it had to happen right now when I’m trying to become a grown man and transition into my older self, it’s getting in the way of everything I want to accomplish.
Your words mean a lot thank you fo real!
I have been through the exact same thing. I mean exactly. I was molested and I also doubted by sexualality. It’s okay. This is not you, this is your OCD. You already know who you are. I would highly to not act into your OCD though. Don’t google, don’t ask anyone else what they think about you, talk to your girlfriend about this. And here is hard one, accept these thoughts. Basically, you need to do some ERP my friend. I can testify that it works 100 percent of the time. Let me know if you have more questions.
I honestly do have a question I know reassurance isn’t always good for this stuff but I just want to know this, my mind always doubting everything now I can’t even walk the same talk everything I do is questioned I still have sex with my girlfriend and stuff but it’s like right when I leave her all the thoughts rush back is she my crutch for me? Just why does she make feel better possibly and how come when I leave her I can’t be sane the thoughts rush back like I can’t be by myself
@Anonymous She is not your crutch. Again, this is your ocd. When you are with her, you are simply in the moment. So you forget about your thoughts and you are present with reality. But when she leaves, you get time to think again. So don’t let ocd meddle your relationship. In fact, social support is the best thing you can do. Be with people, call your friends and catch up. My ocd heals when I am social. No she is not your crutch. And yes, you need to stop reassuring. But it won’t happen overnight. Please don’t give in to your ocd thoughts, at least physically. If you are thinking, you are thinking. But don’t let it change you or your relationship.
Have you spoken to a therapist about this? Were you molested or did you guys play inappropriately and you’re afraid of that? Bc children playing inappropriately is extremely common and is often a theme of people’s real event ocd! (Im not taking away From your story If you truly were molested). And either way you were a child, you’re not the same person you are today as you were yesterday so you’re for sure not the same person you were when you were 11!
If you’re on the ocd discord you can personal message me If you’d like!
How can I personally message you ?
@Anonymous Go on the “venting” chat, I messaged there, click on my name and then click where it says message
I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary
Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
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