I feel like my sexual orientation has changed, it truly feels like I’ll never be straight again and I’m heartbroken. I go out in public and I check if I’m attracted to the pretty girls, I start to make new female friends and I worry I like them, I look at them in ways I never did before just to “make sure”. I worry that I’ll enjoy sex and feelings with girls more and that it’ll be greater than what I have with my partner. I worry that my struggle with intimacy with my boyfriend is because I don’t like men as opposed to my insecurities and inexperience and shyness. It feels like I can’t find appeal in men anymore and even though I find no appeal in women either, my mind tells me my lack of attraction means I Need to be attracted to women. I don’t want to. I’ve had two lesbian dreams this week and it felt like I wanted it. I try to imagine myself in same sex scenarios and I get confused , it feels like I want it when at the beginning of this it just didn’t click. It feels like all my close girl friends from my past are secret crushes. It feels like my attraction to men was never real. I’m so scared and so afraid and so lost, I feel like a prisoner. It feels like my sexuality has changed, I Must be attracted to women. Although I know I love my boyfriend deeply, I now worry a women will come and take his place. I hate this. It makes me feel like my bond with my boyfriend isn’t as special , when my bond with him is what I treasure most. Almost All the best days of my life were with him and now I feel like I’ll have to give it up to be with a woman. I feel like I’m living a lie, I feel like I’m going to have to come out and be with women, my grandma will treat me differently. It feels too real, way way too real.

Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.

I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!

Could someone lend me some kind words or make sense of what I might be going through? Any advice or suggestions is greatly appreciated Almost over a year now I had a nightmare or a dream which I saw me marrying another woman. I didn’t see her face,I didn’t know her name. It was the back of our heads during the dream. When I woke up; I was dumbfounded and I cannot explain how mortified and guilty I felt I spent up till now still ongoing - I’m struggling still for well over a year now. I have gone through multiple different emotions. That day it was almost like an epiphany but it wasn’t because I’ve been bi since about 14/15 years old, I have still chosen to sway towards men because I find them more attractive and that is who I want to be with eventually, a man. I remember that morning after waking up from the dream I was absolutely hysterical in the bathroom crying because I was just shocked like did this mean anything? did my preference change what does this mean for my relationship now? the overwhelming guilt and sadness and what is happening all at the same time just formed a massive spiral in my head and I can Still remember how this makes me feel. I have still hid this up until now from my partner because I’m worried how he will react if there is any big pieces of uncertainty like this were to come to him. I have constantly; almost every day gone through past experiences and if my previous experiences sexually being with women meant anything - making me questioning my whole identity questioning if my current relationship was just a lie ?it is tiring. It has worn me down to the bone and I feel emotionally exhausted and numb and I don’t know how to get out of it. I have tirelessly looked for answers within myself because I don’t want to burden anyone I know with my dilemma. I am no closer to finding an answer, it’s a constant spiral or circle - it’s ‘I’m happy’ to ‘I’m questioning’ to finding my ‘ answer’ then to getting temporary relief and then on repeat every single day. It’s not only now- it’s me reflecting on my whole life and trying to look for answers trying to piece the puzzle together but becoming no closer to the clarity or assurance I need and I just don’t know what to do. I’m not sure at this stage if it’s reality or if it’s OCD or just intrusive thoughts. I’ve been researching denial versus OCD and comparing those results to mine almost every single day. It’s been almost a year and I feel guilty because I feel like I’m a fraud. I feel like I can’t indulge in my own relationship and deepdown I know I still love him. I just don’t know how to reach it. looking at photos and cards that we’ve sent to one another makes me emotional because I remember how he made me feel and it’s of no fault with his own and it’s changed. I’ve been grieving a loss of losing my own partner for months now and he’s still here with me. I’m grieving about a relationship I’m still in but I’m grieving because my feelings have changed and I don’t know why. I miss being happy and love and not ever second thinking of future together. Every day I face the same emotional and mental torment of unsureness and uncertainty and the absolute urgency to figure it out right now but not ever coming to an answer that sticks. I have jumps between this obsession but also do I love him do I love him? Not do I want to be with him? Do I not want to be with him? Is he my person or is he not?