- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Subscribe to ocd mindful YouTube channel and you will get your life back
- Date posted
- 4y
Sometimes I have a hard time remembering or realizing the difference between ocd and denial because when you’re in the thick of it i feel like there’s really no difference
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- 4y
Yeah me too. One difference is that we worry about it 24/7 whereas people in denial would be less so
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- 4y
@Winter Yup people in denial push it aside but here we are lol
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- 4y
@PinkLotus Yepp, like “but what if in the exception to that” 😂
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- 4y
@Winter Im^
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- 4y
I relate to everything you just said and you sharing that brought me a lot of comfort knowing that I’m not alone! You’re not alone. I am married and I have the worst fears of leaving my husband when I don’t want to. Have you heard of the book untamed by gennon doyle? I’m using it as ERP right now and it is so triggering. We can do this!
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- 4y
It comforts me a little to know I’m not alone. I’m so terrified of leaving my boyfriend. I haven’t heard of it but I’ll look into it. :)
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- 4y
Just seeing that book like at target or on Amazon triggers me
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- 4y
That book triggers me too! My therapist thought it would be a good exposure as well
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- 4y
Omg that book was so triggering by the first 80 pages I have avoided finishing it
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- 4y
I relate to you so much! Except that im not in a relationship but i still get very similar thoughts! I just get so sad if i try and force myself to think that i wont end up with a guy and that im lying to myself even though i dont want to be with a woman. (Getting thoughts right now that im just saying that to stay in denial ugh!) Kind of insane that we are all going through the exact same even though we felt like we were the only ones for so long! It will get better for all of us though, stay strong ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes I’m so glad I’m not alone!! It’s like I do think girls are strong beautiful people. Girl power and all that lol so my mind tells me, “So you don’t want to be like them, you want them. Why wouldn’t you if you think they’re so admirable?” And I think well yeah girls are great, but I don’t want to be with one. It’s not the same spark as with men and well it feels like denial. May we all get through this it’s been so hard
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- 4y
@PinkLotus Omg yes! I swear ive gone over every woman or girl ive ever known in my head to check and recheck whether i admired them or had a crush on them to the point where i dont even know anymore! Triggers me so much when gay people say they told themselves they admired people who they secretly had a crush on like it just fills me with so much dread and sends me spiralling again! We will get through it!
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- 4y
@Ope Haha so true! Although my mind is racing right now to figure out if I secretly felt that way before 😂 but thats probably the ocd lol
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- 4y
@Ope Hahaha we are sort of predictable like that 😂
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- 4y
@Winter My mind will go over it too! It’s just at the point where ocd says it’s because I had crushes on girls and I liked them. I cannot tell the difference because it feels soo true. It makes me not remember any of the crushes I had on guys and that it was all forced.
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- 4y
@Corie Yes exactly! Ive never been in an actual relationship either and my ocd definitely uses that against me. Its a horrible feeling as well that you faked or made up past crushes and stuff like i dont want to have made them up or feel like im lying to someone if i think i like them!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Winter Omg, my ocd uses the fact that I’ve only had 2 boyfriends/relationships that it’s making me realize I’m gay because I started having these intrusive thoughts/constant questioning with my first bf (ex). This was also the onset of my ocd and when it just came up out of nowhere, I have not had any other themes before the hocd onset so it uses that against me as well! Also because I ALWAYS feared and didn’t want others to think I was gay or looked gay even before hocd started, that supposedly that is “proof” too
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- 4y
@Winter Girl me too!!! I have this friend I’ve known since freshman year of high school. She’s so sweet and wholesome, like I think aw she’s so cute but not romantically! But my brain is like well since she’s so wholesome why don’t you like her? But idk I can’t imagine telling her the same stuff as my boyfriend or holding her or much much less being intimate with her but my mind says no you do like her
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- 4y
@Corie Omg yes me too! I was always kinda the weird kid i guess because i was shy so now i just feel like people might think im gay which scares me so much and is “proof”
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- 4y
@PinkLotus I get so much anxiety when I think of that and get so uncomfortable! But ocd will butt in and say it’s because I’m nervous and really want it, I pictured it so it means I can do it.
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- 4y
@PinkLotus Im so glad im not alone! I feel like the romantic part of a relationship is really important to me so my ocd has now started pointing out things that i think are cute or sweet and using that as proof that i like girls which i hate because it makes me feel like i cant have that with a guy anymore which i always wanted 😩
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- 4y
@Corie Omg yes, the fact ocd makes you think the anxiety about it is being nervous because you like someone is so scary! Like how can you even tell the difference anymore
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- 4y
@Winter Exactly you can’t! It makes us doubt our values and second guess them, I’m still trying to respond with uncertainty and stop myself from ruminating which has helped the past couple days although I catch myself slipping a bit!
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- 4y
@Winter Yup I’m actually ruminating on that friend right now lol! She is really sweet and has great character but I’ve never thought of her way before but ofc my ocd is going to latch onto it to say I want her 😖
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- 4y
@PinkLotus Oh noo im so sorry! I hate that feeling soo much, I literally have like a list of people from my past that i can ruminate about for hours and still never get an answer. Or whenever it reassures me for a bit i end up going over it again anyway 😩
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- 4y
@Corie Yeah i know what you mean. Its so hard though. Well done for keeping it up!
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- 4y
@Winter Not your fault haha! And yeah it’s so annoying that I can never admire a friend anymore because suddenly I like her and secretly want to be with her
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- 4y
@PinkLotus I know, like legit any girl nowadays 😩 makes it so hard to actually make friends as well because all thats going through my head is “do i like them?!” every time i see them 😂
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- 4y
@Winter Yess literally me!! Like it wouldn’t be so bad to be with them in the sense that they’re not bad people! But I could never be intimate with them or romantic so it’s like living with a roommate forever ??
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- 4y
@PinkLotus Hahah yeah i know 😂 ive got to points where im convinced i must be gay but then im like wait a sec i dont want anything intimate with a girl at all and would much rather be with a guy so wtf is going on?!
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- 4y
@Winter Glad to know I’m not alone!!! The cycle is such a pain in the ass
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- 4y
Also another annoying thing is I fear that one day I’ll get better and realize my fears were still true. Yikes
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- 4y
Yep 100%
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- 4y
I feel all of this!! Like I’m scared what I’ve always been aroused by and when I wanted to look like and be better than other girls around me is evidence I liked girls and always have. It feels like I’m forcing my attractions to men and my boyfriend and I notice attractive women way more. Like I’ll see a girl and think omg she’s pretty and has a good body then I’ll get a weird feeling and thought that I want that or I have a crush and it causes me soo much anxiety. Earlier today I thought when my boyfriend and I first started dating I was so excited and giddy when I got a text from him and my mind immediately imagined that scenario but with a woman and then came a feeling of excitement? It was like a fear induced feeling of excitement and caused me soo much anxiety because of how much it felt like I would enjoy that. It just feels like a realization that I’ve always been attracted to woman and it’s awful. It makes me soo scared to move in with my boyfriend, I fear I’ll come to terms with it/realize it and have to move out and come out. It makes me want to not move in with him anymore and avoid it.
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- 4y
I think we should all find comfort that all of us relate so much!
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- 4y
Lol my ocd is LITERALLY telling me we al must be in denial. 😅 whyyy
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- 4y
Omg 😆 I guess that healthiest response is “maybe we all are”
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- Date posted
- 21w
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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