Okay so this is not about OCD but I need to get it off my chest and this is the closest thing to therapy that I have cause it it very expensive and I can't afford it. I feel like my mom has a sexual problem. I feel unsafe around her. When I can growing up she always wanted to touch me and touch and see my boobs. When I hugged her she would always try to touch my back trying to figure out if I was wearing a bra or a tank top. And between 1 and 2 years ago I stopped letting her touch me. Not my hands, not a hug, nothing. And even though I've told her that I don't like touching she always tries to grab my but, or my thigh or my belly. When she does I feel like I wanna push her and I have a panick attack. I'm 19. She doesn't like when I have friends. It feels like she gets jealous and she always tries to keep me home, to not go out at all. I feel like I'm not making any sense but I needed to get that off my back

I got diagnosed with OCD (variant POCD) about 3/4 yeats ago. Lately I've been really confused and makes me uncomfortable this ideas that I've had dreams in my sleep where I have romantic/sexual interactions with my older sibling— I know it's disgusting, and I don't know what to do. Recently I got a boyfriend after years of being without a partner, and he makes me so happy along my friends, but sometimes at random points of the day I have this episodes with minors or my sibling, and the ones with him start to go heavier when I'm at home or alone. The first thing that comes to mind for me to do is always how much I don't wanna live, harm myself or what is my purpose at this point (22fem) having this problems. I feel weirded out when I pass them over, and suddendly think about not giving them the atention because how important they are in a negativa way. I'm just anxious writing this, I need help. Is someone living the same? How do you work on it? I will always be like this from now? — thanks in avance and sorry for mistakes, english isn't my first language

Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.

Just feel like getting it off my chest since I was little I always felt like my mom was my enemy like she was always competing with me and was always boy thirsty she never really focused on me although it was always me and her because I would never rly see my dad since they weren’t together I feel as if she was never really their it was alway other people taking care of me not her and I hold a lot of resentment towards her because I feel like she try’s to play this role of innocent mom whos kid hates her for no reason but that could be farther frm the truth she would always just focus on her bfs and whenever she would fight with them she would take it out on me or if she would see them making a bond with me she would also get mad the other day too I had memories of when I was 8-9 she would take me to her friends house who had two boys 10-11 and I remember we would always play ruff but their would be times where I remember they would bend me over and hump me and I never said anything I also remembered this one time she took me with this random lady and I only went that one time but I recall a boy who looked to be 13 like a teenager he told me to go under the bed and at the time I was very little like probably no more then 7 and I rember he started touching me and kissing me I never got rapid or anything tho but very touchy and I was telling my bf about it and I started crying because I hadn’t thought abt those things since years ago and now that I remembered I can’t forget and no one knew because I never told anyone but my bf just comforted me and hugged me but it makes me really sad and I know my mom wouldn’t care if I told her she also has kicked me out about 8 times already and we even had a cps case which she still blames me for although it was her fault and she also always does stuff just to upset me on purpose she also made fun of me bien suicidal and would joke about it with anyone she could get the chance too theirs a lot more that I could talk about for hours but this is already very long point is I hold so much anger and resentment towards her and if I’m being completely transparent I truly can say I hate her I feel so bad about it because in the end she is my mom but I can’t forgive her for the stuff she’s done to me and the stuff I’ve had to go through because of her I wish I could fix our relationship but at the same time I feel hopeless and like theirs no fixing it