what do i do my anxiety and thoughts have gotten 10x worse and idk what to do. i haven't even gotten diagnosed yet so i cant say i have ocd. i try to talk about it with my sister and she'll say "stop self diagnosing yourself you don't even know if you have it" when she doesn't even know half the things that go on in my head and all the things i do daily to prove to myself i'm not gross. but i still feel like i am disgusting and a horrible person.

i’ve thought that i have OCD for about 2 years now, but i’ve had a lot of the symptoms for as long as i can remember (but i don’t really remember a lot of my childhood- i need to check w family to confirm). i’ve talked to my gf about it, and she thinks i just have GAD and am a hypochondriac. i definitely do have GAD, but the things i have obsessions and compulsions ab aren’t just health related (even tho a lot are), ill imagine that people are injured or dead if i don’t hear from them, i ruminate on childhood events and think about if i could have changed things, i blame myself for things that aren’t my fault, i check all of the locks in my house every night to make sure nobody can break in (even tho ik they’re locked), etc. my GAD more shows up in worrying about like worrying about an upcoming exam or about going into work, or that my friends/family/gf are/is mad at me. i know you guys can’t diagnose me, but the i can’t see a therapist on here until i am able to tell my current therapist that i need to see someone else. i just wanted to talk about it i guess, ive taken so many online quizzes and psych classes that i feel like i somewhat know what im talking about.

So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.

i have been dealing with anxiety and ocd like symptoms for the my whole life but they’ve gotten worse the past 2-3 years. im not diagnosed nor on any medications. my boyfriends has been with me nearly every step of the way of this anxiety and is a great help to me. i was raised in a family where anxiety is “just part of life” and everytime i try to talk to my parents about it they shut me down saying things like “i get anxious too” or “you need to work out more”. while i’ve tried to do the things they recommend, eating healthy, working out, staying off my phone, my anxiety is very much still there. i experience obsessions and compulsions frequently but have just learned to deal with them because i had to. they’re also not always constant anymore, i do have days without anxiety. my boyfriend has recently started lexapro and is on 5 milligrams for his own anxiety and he said that he feels so much better even after just two weeks and he thinks it wouldn’t be a bad idea to try to get on it myself. i agreed at first but after talking to my parents they again made me feel like my anxiety wasn’t bad enough or that i was making it up and that i didn’t need medication, i just needed to learn how to manage. yesterday i had another conversation with my boyfriend about this and he said he felt really bad about all the stuff i go through. (this anxiety and also some physical issues which is either EDS or POTS) but to me, and how my parents think of the whole situation, i think im fine “because its just part of life” now im afraid that im shutting out my own emotions bc thats how my parents think i should be. i just don’t know what to do. i know my bf is right and that im not a liar and everything i experience is real but i’ve gotten so good at living with it and its not as often that its debilitating that i don’t think i deserve medication. i don’t even know if its actually ocd because im not diagnosed but i talk to my brother and one of my friends (who are diagnosed) and we go through the same things. idk what to do or how to feel. i know my bf is worried about me but i don’t want to be dramatic or let my anxiety control my life