Broke up with my boyfriend today and feel like crap. we love each other dearly but I hurt him about six months ago. An of and on friend of mine was someone who knew me very well, we had quite the history, and still remained friends after all that. My boyfriend thought he was in love with him and I loved him. I didn’t believe it and I still ended talking to him. Deep down, all I wanted was the truth my friend was hiding for me for two years. He said he went to UT but actually was going to the community college instead??? He lied about a lot of things he said to me and everyone told me what they thought, but even with that I wanted empirical data. This obsession broke my boyfriends heart. I got passed the problem and block my friend after he stalked my boyfriend and I behind my car in a bmw. My boyfriend never got over it though. Last night my boyfriend said he wanted a break, he said we were drifting apart, which was utter bs reason. So, after my classes were over he met me in my car. I told him I couldn’t do a break, you either have me, or you don’t. So I broke up with him. He explained how he’s been heartbroken over my friends and I situation together for the last six months and has been suppressing his pain. The guilt that hit me was shitty. I feel like a shitty person. Although I didn’t ever cheat, it feels like I did bc I crossed a line. All I wanted was the truth and I allowed my ocd to decide the faith of my relationship. We were crying in my car together for an hour while hugging and talking. I think we left of good terms since we do deeply love each other although he couldn’t get over that. That’s what is killing me. How much I hurt him and I feel so selfish for not seeing it and I can’t stop crying. My ocd is telling me how shitty of a person I am. Ugh this rant helped lol.

I just went through my first breakup. My ex and I dated for almost 5 years and the breakup was mutual but it still hurts so much. I had ROCD throughout our entire relationship that I’m sure took a toll on us both but what led us to the end was completely separate—he hurt me in a way I couldn’t get past after it happening multiple times before. Even though the breakup was mutual and I know we need this to move forward either with or without one another, I am in so much pain. We both are still in love with the other and it’s making this breakup 10x harder because I am freaking out over whether or not I overreacted and I am throwing away something amazing just because of my ROCD sabotaging everything for us. It wasn’t the only issue but I guess I’m freaking out thinking it could’ve been the root of many of my frustrations. I just feel nauseous and depressed and exhausted (I can’t sleep). I guess I just need some guidance here. I have no idea how to navigate a breakup, let alone one where OCD is involved.

I feel like OCD ruins so much. My boyfriend broke up with me because of it. It got to a point where I made him do compulsions (ex: open and close the door a certain amount of times). I have OCD in combination with PTSD so I would get triggers often. He got to a point where he got up and left me while I was at work and cut contact completely. I don’t know how to feel and I feel like a failure. It’s been two months and my OCD has been nonstop telling me I was an abuser or narcissistic and that’s why he left. Everyone tells me I’m a broken record… but they don’t know that this is torture for me, too. I wish I could start over with my ex, but I can’t, and that bothers my OCD, too. Lack of control. I also seem to have memory issues in that relationship, I can’t remember what happened or not, and I’m not sure if that’s part of my OCD.

I didn’t have any female desires before this. I was so happy with my bf and only wanted him. Now it truly feels like I’ve been lesbian all along though even though I don’t really feel like I’d be truly happy with a woman. I was just with my bf right now and I felt nothing. I tried to picture a life with him in the moment and I felt nothing, I look at him and feel nothing. but after that and watching him leave, I just started sobbing. My heart feels like it’s in my throat, my eyes won’t stop burning, I cant even breath right. Watching him leave felt like a goodbye. It really feels like I have to break up w him and tell him what’s going on and I don’t know what to do. I know I love him so much and before all this I had no doubts that he was my best friend and my partner and everything. The one person who truly felt like home and now even though I’m still not even sure if this is ocd or not, or if I’m gay or not I feel like I have to break up with him. I feel like I have to tell him. I feel so guilty that he’s with me and I’m feeling like this he deserves so much better.