- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You ARE NOT weak. This is a horrible, terrifying illness to live with. I have been in the same place as you many times. But I finally had to choose that I HAVE to stop if I ever want to me happy, and if I keep on like this, it doesn’t even matter if the horrible thing is true because my life is already horrible while doing compulsions. You have to commit to it because it’s the only way. I promise it will work if you do. I know it’s scary but it won’t be scary forever. Write a list of reasons why you are going to commit to recovery. Tell yourself you can do the compulsion tomorrow.
- Date posted
- 4y
I know you didn't reply to me, but your thoughts about this have been blowing my mind. It's just so, so, true. Doing the work is so painful, scary and exhausting, but it's really not better to continue existing in agony and complete distrust in oneself. Even if something "horrible' might be true about oneself, noone deserves to live like this. I really really like how you wrote this
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for this I will try! I think I’m going to read this as a reminder!
- Date posted
- 4y
@harabix Thank you, it took me a long time to come to this conclusion, but it’s absolutely true. I have to remind myself of this every single day.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Me too. Wishing you all the best on your journey 💕
- Date posted
- 4y
I wish I could wake up from this never ending nightmare. I wish someone could take all these thoughts and feelings away. I wish I could wake up to a clear mind
- Date posted
- 4y
You aren't alone. I have thought and felt everything you said. Prior to starting ERP, I had the thought "ERP works for a lot of other people, but it won't work for you." But it HAS worked for me. I've had OCD since about the age of 8. I never knew it until last month. So my compulsions deeply engrained because I have given into the so many times. Also, most of my compulsions are mental, so its sometimes a struggle to identify what is and not a compulsion. Rumination is a huge one for me. ERP is crazy hard and uncomfortable, but it does work. It will change your life.
- Date posted
- 4y
I really hope my mind is making me go insane and I’m afraid of doing something
- Date posted
- 4y
@Pain😢🥺 Yeah I have scenarios in my head and I’m scared I want to do it and sometimes I’m scared that I might do it and like it. I always get scared when I see my family members and than the scenario starts playing and the anxiety goes up and I get up and panic. It’s just a vicious cycle. I share a room with my brother and I was having a sexual scenario with him and I started to panic and I got up and went to the bathroom and I calmed down and than the pedo thoughts come in telling me I want to do those things and it just never ends
- Date posted
- 4y
You're not weak. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between your own thoughts and the ones that are being imposed on you.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m just scared and it’s hard
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous🤷🏽♀️ Anything that’s worth it is scary and hard work.
- Date posted
- 4y
Do you want to talk?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.
- Date posted
- 20w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
- Date posted
- 20w
I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression
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