Hey guys I have been doing well with my ocd and anxiety thought and keeping them on a simmer but I am now realizing the stuff I have misses like I can't do or watch things normal teens do it's pretty annoying because all my friends want to watch things like pg 13 movies but I can only watch Disney Channel or kid movies because the stuff in pg 13 movies really trigger me and make thoughts come and like I said in doing sooooooooo much better with the occasional bad times obviously but it really bothers me and annoys me that I don't want to hang out with my friends or really be around them because then it's always let's watch this movie and I don't watch that stuff or horror movies because I also hate those for other reasons it's just hard idk what to do but I'll keep fighting my ocd don't worry lol

Ocd is like this bully that leaves you alone for a while and then come's back worse every time. This morning I just switched my tv on and for some reason I had this thought pop into my head that what if someone on the tv told me to harm someone... what if the ground is lava, man... I was doing so well last few weeks... then this. Worst thing is I feel alone in having these weird thoughts... feels like everyone's thoughts are normal or can atleast happen in reality while mine is totally out there... and I just started getting motivated again to enter modelling, now I'm scared AF is I can even do it with my mind always doing this shit.

I want to be normal.. i dont want to have arguments with my mind.. i want to be a normal 12 year old.. i found out that i first started showing signs like 5 years ago maybe more but why does everyone else look so normal and act so normal and i dont? What did i do? Why do i deserve this? I just want to meet my friends and act normal ive planned when im older for me and my friend to get a tatoo and have late night drives and go to starbucks snd get nails done but that'll never happen you see people on instagram and they do all of these things but i wont be normal enough to do things like that and i really want ocd to go away im suck of crying all the time and not being able to tell people why i hate hate HATE IT god if there is one must have chose favourites

Okay, so for the most part, if you have harm ocd/intrusive thoughts, you’ll understand (hopefully). If you haven’t seen, everyone is talking about the Netflix documentary “Dahmer”. Most harm ocd sufferers (myself included) that I’ve gotten to know all struggle with fears of being evil in any way (like a sociopath/narcissistic, etc). Do we need to make ourselves watch it? Even some of my friends without OCD say they couldn’t do it. The reason I don’t want to watch it is because I’m afraid it’ll trigger me. I’ll look for any common traits (this is what I do) and it’ll send me into a panic attack. But aren’t we SUPPOSED to on purpose watch things that bring us distress? The series has everyone talking about mental health and it SUCKS because OCD is considered “mental health” and I feel like it lumps us all into a giant category. Everything true crime triggers my harm ocd. I don’t even want to know humans are capable of such things because then it reminds me “it’s all possible”. I don’t know if I explained it well, but does ANYONE understand where I’m coming from 🥺🥺🥺🥺