- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t know if this is the same thing but I know I tend to think back to previous conversations and think about whether or not I exaggerated or embellished what I said or if I left things out whether or not it was done on purpose. I realized that a lot of the time when I did that, you make the decision almost unconsciously to embellish or remove information in the conversation. I don’t think we do it out of a desire to harm or deceive anyone. I think we just want what we have to say to be well received and fit in with the conversation taking place. This probably doesn’t make much sense but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in questioning this type of thing. Maybe you lied, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you meant to do it, maybe not. Ocd loves going after things that fall into that grey area because there is absolutely no way to get a straight answer or get any kind of certainty. Basically, all the things I obsess about (which you know a few of lol) are in that darn grey area and I despise it. Sometimes it helps me to acknowledge that I may have done something wrong and tell myself that I recognize this and will use the experience to learn and try to do better in the future.
- Date posted
- 4y
That makes perfect sense. That is exactly what I experience. And then I wonder did I lie by leaving something out? Was that vital information to the question being asked? But you are so right. It makes me feel extremely guilty by the reality is sometimes we just leave things out kind on auto-response or how we think it applies to the conversation in the moment or whatever. It’s pretty difficult to answer everything with 100% honesty all facts and details included all of the time, especially if you are anxious or uncomfortable, which I was. I guess all I can say is I did the best I knew to do at the time and that’s all that really matters anyway. Thanks for your insight and support with this.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Of course! I hope I helped a little because you have helped me so much lately! Honestly, lying in conversation would probably my biggest concern if I wasn’t so freaked out about sexual stuff so I have a lot of compassion about this topic that your struggling with.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Have a sunflower🌻 Thanks friend. It helps to know I’m not alone. And I know you worry about the sexual stuff- sometimes I worry I’m not sexual ENOUGH so it’s funny how people can see things so differently.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Oh goodness I never thought about it from that perspective. That’s definitely not something I’ve ever been concerned about but I am confident that you can at least tell yourself that you are more sexual than me if that makes you feel better haha.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Have a sunflower🌻 Lol 😂 good point
- Date posted
- 4y
@Maybe,MaybeNot I can actually relate to both of you, sometimes I feel like I'm too sexual and I disgust myself, other times I feel like I'm not sexual enough in certain moments and I worry about it. There's a lot more to it than that for me though, I'm explaining it very vaguely, but I think it goes to show just how differently we all look at things in our mind, we all perceive things in life in so many different ways than the people around us are. I think that's why this app is so helpful, it helps us to see things in a whole new light that we would've never thought to look at it in on our own. We often get stuck in a rut in our minds because we keep replaying the same thoughts we're having about something over and over again until someone helps us break that cycle, so that's why it's so good to talk with others about how we're feeling, which I guess is also where therapy comes in to play too. I hope you're both having a good morning Maybe,MaybeNot and Have a sunflower! Let's do our best to show our OCD who's boss today! :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Drew777 Yes we got thissss 💪🏻
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm experciencing the same thing almost everyday. The point is, you can't solve it because there is nothing to solve - when you try to solve it, the memory is getting blured more and more. Let the thought be, anxiety will pass and - the most important part: you are not alone and you are very strong. ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you, yes the memory deffinitely gets more confusing. I guess it’s impossible to solve so we may as well let it go and just move on.
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
These situations are so tough but actually some of my favorite to work with because research shows that the more you check something - whether it's a lock, a stove, or even your own inventory of memories - the less confident you become in it. It seems counterintuitive - it truly feels like the more you review it, the clearer it will be, the closer you are to having that aha moment of certainty where everything makes sense and you either did say the thing or you didn't - but unfortunately that will not happen. That aha moment will not come, if it does OCD will doubt it and it will be transient anyway. I know it's hard. I know it feels opposite to every urge you have telling you to do otherwise but consider sitting through that urge, not engaging, and trying to refocus on the present moment/what interests you right now in the moment. Do whatever it takes to not confess. I believe in ya!
- Date posted
- 3y
This is great feedback thank you!!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I have false memory real event ocd, I’ve been married 13 years and I used to constantly bring up past mistakes from when we were dating and it RUINED our marriage, but I got medication and therapy and things got better untill a few weeks ago where everything crumbled. I have a memory that is 13 years ago of me being intimate with my husband (than boyfriend) while being intimate I have a memory of sending a text to a male who obviously liked me but I didi not while my husband was under the covers . And I keep thinking over and over how disgusting and inappropriate it was to do that especially doing it in the middle of being intimate 😞. I have confessed this to my husband last year and he didint believe me saying it’s probably a made up memory and would are not a slut and wouldn’t do that. Now i have guilt all over again for weeks and it’s taking such a toll on me it’s all I think about and try to remember every detail I’ve thought about it so much I don’t even know if it’s 100 percent true. But I can vividly see it when I close my eyes. How do I get over this guilt without confessing? Confessing would absolutely destroy my husband.
- False Memory OCD
- Real Events OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Date posted
- 18w
My husband told me recently he was going to hang out with a local friend he often goes to see. It got very late and I heard nothing from him. Tried calling and texting. Stayed up all night thinking maybe he was dead or injured. Logged into our cell phone account to see if I could find any recent location and discovered he had talked to someone on the phone that night but he was like 2 hours away from home at that time. And also saw a phone number he was spending hours on the phone with every day. I had been confronting him about his secrecy prior to that and he kept telling me it was this friend or that friend, or he was just taking the dog on a long walk or having a fire out back. He finally called me back in the morning and I yelled at him. He told me he was randomly with two friends from longer ago and had gotten drunk and passed out, and hadn't told me about these plans because I had a heart surgery a few weeks prior and health concerns and he didn't want to stress me out. He told me the phone number was a girl that he related to on trauma factors and that he views like a little sister. He said he didn't tell me because he was caught up in his trauma spilling of events he didn't share with a single person since they occurred to him 35 years ago, due to feelings of shame and anger, and that he thought I would view it as emotional cheating. I told him it really could be viewed as emotional cheating and in principle, honesty shouldn't be dependent upon the outcome... lying isn't justified because I would be upset by the truth. Since then, he's been more open with me and tells me when that girl is calling, talks to me about their conversations, answers her calls when I'm present. I talked to him about boundaries and things I'm uncomfortable with or bothered by and he changes those things. Especially because I have trauma from an emotionally abusive ex, having him lie to me when I directly questioned him about what I was perceiving or experiencing and telling me those experiences weren't real, when they actually WERE real, has really messed me up. Now when he wants to hang out with a friend, I don't trust it. But I'm handling these feelings in destructive OCD ways. I spend literally the entire time he's gone thinking and thinking and thinking about what if he's lying or what he might be doing instead of what he said. I call and text him intermittently and feel like all of my obsessive thoughts are confirmed if he doesn't answer right away. I'm always checking the phone history. The driving toll history. Scrutinizing everything. I cannot get out of this mindset. It's like this horrible mixture of emotional flashbacks and OCD. I don't want to live like this. I want to work on my relationship in productive ways. I want to be able to use my own time while my husband is gone. Even if he lied to me and is somewhere other than he said, I don't want to lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking for entire days and nights. I'm not sure what I'm really asking here. This is just the only place where I feel like I can share this without people thinking "wow she's crazy".
- Date posted
- 14w
Does anyone feel the urge to confess secrets even though they’re not yours to share? My husband told me about a traumatic event he had and trusts me to keep the secret. It has NOTHING to do with me at all. And my brain is making me feel like I need or want to tell someone. I want to be trustworthy and my brain is making me feel like I’m not because of this obsession. It’s so confusing because I know I don’t need to but I feel like I “want to” because of the OCD anxiety? And the feeling of wanting to makes me feel more anxious and like a terrible person. I have confessed literally everything to my mom about my thoughts so she’s my safe person. And I had an emotionally abusive dad (probably how I got OCD at a young age - like 8 years old) that has now passed away. So confiding in her even with intrusive thoughts and messed up shit was safe for me. Does my brain feel like I need to tell her just because she’s my safe person? I hate the feeling of me “wanting” to tell at all too and can’t tell if it’s real and it’s making me feel like a horrible person. I literally have no secrets myself. His mom knows and so do I. So I’m not the only one that knows. But why is my brain doing this? It’s spiraling me out and has been for a few days. But I want to keep the secret because it’s HIS and it doesn’t affect me in any way. I mean sure I feel bad for him - but it’s from his past before we even met? Someone please help me rationalize why I feel these things and why it’s so confusing to know if you actually “want” to do something or if it’s OCD? It’s causing a deep anxiety pit in my stomach and has been for days now.
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