- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t know if this is the same thing but I know I tend to think back to previous conversations and think about whether or not I exaggerated or embellished what I said or if I left things out whether or not it was done on purpose. I realized that a lot of the time when I did that, you make the decision almost unconsciously to embellish or remove information in the conversation. I don’t think we do it out of a desire to harm or deceive anyone. I think we just want what we have to say to be well received and fit in with the conversation taking place. This probably doesn’t make much sense but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in questioning this type of thing. Maybe you lied, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you meant to do it, maybe not. Ocd loves going after things that fall into that grey area because there is absolutely no way to get a straight answer or get any kind of certainty. Basically, all the things I obsess about (which you know a few of lol) are in that darn grey area and I despise it. Sometimes it helps me to acknowledge that I may have done something wrong and tell myself that I recognize this and will use the experience to learn and try to do better in the future.
- Date posted
- 3y
That makes perfect sense. That is exactly what I experience. And then I wonder did I lie by leaving something out? Was that vital information to the question being asked? But you are so right. It makes me feel extremely guilty by the reality is sometimes we just leave things out kind on auto-response or how we think it applies to the conversation in the moment or whatever. It’s pretty difficult to answer everything with 100% honesty all facts and details included all of the time, especially if you are anxious or uncomfortable, which I was. I guess all I can say is I did the best I knew to do at the time and that’s all that really matters anyway. Thanks for your insight and support with this.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Of course! I hope I helped a little because you have helped me so much lately! Honestly, lying in conversation would probably my biggest concern if I wasn’t so freaked out about sexual stuff so I have a lot of compassion about this topic that your struggling with.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Have a sunflower🌻 Thanks friend. It helps to know I’m not alone. And I know you worry about the sexual stuff- sometimes I worry I’m not sexual ENOUGH so it’s funny how people can see things so differently.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Oh goodness I never thought about it from that perspective. That’s definitely not something I’ve ever been concerned about but I am confident that you can at least tell yourself that you are more sexual than me if that makes you feel better haha.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Have a sunflower🌻 Lol 😂 good point
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot I can actually relate to both of you, sometimes I feel like I'm too sexual and I disgust myself, other times I feel like I'm not sexual enough in certain moments and I worry about it. There's a lot more to it than that for me though, I'm explaining it very vaguely, but I think it goes to show just how differently we all look at things in our mind, we all perceive things in life in so many different ways than the people around us are. I think that's why this app is so helpful, it helps us to see things in a whole new light that we would've never thought to look at it in on our own. We often get stuck in a rut in our minds because we keep replaying the same thoughts we're having about something over and over again until someone helps us break that cycle, so that's why it's so good to talk with others about how we're feeling, which I guess is also where therapy comes in to play too. I hope you're both having a good morning Maybe,MaybeNot and Have a sunflower! Let's do our best to show our OCD who's boss today! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@Drew777 Yes we got thissss 💪🏻
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm experciencing the same thing almost everyday. The point is, you can't solve it because there is nothing to solve - when you try to solve it, the memory is getting blured more and more. Let the thought be, anxiety will pass and - the most important part: you are not alone and you are very strong. ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, yes the memory deffinitely gets more confusing. I guess it’s impossible to solve so we may as well let it go and just move on.
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
These situations are so tough but actually some of my favorite to work with because research shows that the more you check something - whether it's a lock, a stove, or even your own inventory of memories - the less confident you become in it. It seems counterintuitive - it truly feels like the more you review it, the clearer it will be, the closer you are to having that aha moment of certainty where everything makes sense and you either did say the thing or you didn't - but unfortunately that will not happen. That aha moment will not come, if it does OCD will doubt it and it will be transient anyway. I know it's hard. I know it feels opposite to every urge you have telling you to do otherwise but consider sitting through that urge, not engaging, and trying to refocus on the present moment/what interests you right now in the moment. Do whatever it takes to not confess. I believe in ya!
- Date posted
- 3y
This is great feedback thank you!!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
- Harm OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- OCD newbies
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Date posted
- 21w
I have recently entered a phase of extremely obsessive thoughts of every mistake I’ve ever made. Things from over a decade ago, things that happened recently, or even things currently happening like my own thoughts and feelings that I have no control over. Ever since I was little I have been a habitual liar. For the most part, I just tell little white lies or exaggerated stories. I even lie about things that don’t matter at all, like if I’ve seen a certain movie or something. But I have also lied about some serious things, like bad things happening to me, like abuse or SA. (DISCLAIMER - I’ve never accused anyone of these things to the police or anything like that). I hate that I’ve done this and I feel so disgusted with my behavior. I’ve been obsessing over this and unable to forgive myself or feel better about doing this. I feel like such a sick human being. I know most of the reasons for why I lie—attention, sympathy, to seem more interesting, to relate to someone, or to even pretend that my life is better than it is. I never ever have any bad intentions when I lie, but I know that doesn’t mean a whole lot. Sometimes I lie so naturally that I don’t even realize it, and sometimes I lie to the point that I actually believe what I’m saying. Somethings wrong with me and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I hate myself and I feel like I’m being tortured with this guilt. I feel like I don’t deserve to ever feel better because this is a result of my own actions. I have a group of girl friends that I met online that I’ve known for about 3 years. I lied about and insinuated that bad things had happened to me to them, because I wanted to relate to them and maybe because I wanted sympathy. I was actually emotionally abused by my ex, and he did kind of get physical with me one time (if I’m remembering correctly, but my OCD doubts if that even actually happened), but I have exaggerated and said that I was abused physically. I also have portrayed my life to be completely different than it is, because I hate my life and I like to pretend that things are better than they are. In a way, I feel like it’s a form of escapism. When I talk to them, I can pretend that I’m a different person. A more interesting, less pathetic, and more relatable person. I’ve lied to them so much that I can’t even begin to remember them all, and I feel so disgusted by myself, and the guilt of this is adding onto my other debilitating guilt. I can’t stop obsessing over it and I feel like I’m an awful person for this. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better. I’m unable to function, and I can’t forgive myself no matter what. I know that if I confess to them, they’ll be disgusted by my behavior and not want to speak to me again. Especially because I lied about things that are so sensitive. And they’re perfectly within their right to feel that way and to reject me. I don’t know if I can handle the rejection and stress of confessing at this moment in time. I also just can’t even remember all of my lies. But if I keep talking to them, I’ll have to upkeep my lies, and I know I’ll never get better if I keep having to lie. None of my lies have caused them any actual harm, most of my lies are harmless, and it’s not like I’ll ever actually meet them in person, but I feel like I’ve gone against my morals, and I know that it was wrong. Even though my ex is an awful person and put me through hell, I feel bad that I’ve told these girls online that he’d abused me when he actually hasn’t (other than the one time he sorta got physical with me). He even has been going around telling people things about me and degrading me, and this has been going on for nearly 10 years. But I know it was wrong to lie about that regardless of what he’s done or what he’s actively doing to me. The girls don’t have his full name or info or anything like that, they just know his first name and that he’s my ex and that he “physically abused” me. I don’t ever lie out of malice. My dad is a pathological liar and he’s never received help, and I feel like I’ve learned his behavior. I especially feel bad because one of my online friends gave me an extremely expensive gift for my birthday last October, and I didn’t ask for it or anything or manipulate her into giving it to me, but I feel awful that she gave me a gift when I’ve lied about so many things. It’s also not something I can give back since it was an online thing, and I genuinely don’t have the money to pay her back. I feel like I’ve been living a lie and that it’s unfair to them. I am so so scared to tell the truth. I think I’d be less scared if I was only admitting it to one person, but I’d be admitting it to three. I know that they’ll think I’m terrible, disgusting, and that they’ll hate me, and then they’ll probably talk about how awful I am with each other. Which is perfectly justified. I just am so scared of it. I’m in a really bad state of mind. I can’t function and all I do all day is lay around and obsess over all my mistakes. I know the lying is out of my control to a certain extent and that I have a problem and mental illness, but I still can’t forgive myself. I feel disgusting and awful and like I’m a bad person and no matter what I do, I’m reminded of it. I feel like I’m going crazy and that I deserve to feel this way for what I’ve done. And I feel hopeless because I feel like I won’t ever feel better from this unbearable state unless I confess, but I really don’t feel like I’m ready. Every day I become more and more certain that I’m terrible.
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