- Username
- zidzad1
- Date posted
- 5y ago
All I wanna do is love women but I cant
What if it does mean something? It may seem counterintuitive but I think part of coping with hocd is accepting that sexuality is a spectrum and EVERYONE is a little gay...I have gay friends, I have had bisexual friends, I’ve had gay thoughts and fantasies even but still consider myself straight, I’ve had friends that made out with a dude a few times and decided they like women better...there’s nothing wrong with it, I know ocd makes everything seem scarier than it is...but try not to let it get you down, it’s the human experience GOOD LUCK
Don’t test stuff like everyone is saying, or do! If you do, then go about it calmly, and think about everything. Think about do I like men/women? Why am I afraid that I might like them? If I did, what do I think the worst is that could happen? What about the best? And if those happened, how would my life play out afterwards? Why am I okay, or not okay with that? And then realize, if you don’t know the answer to any of these, a lot of people don’t! I was afraid I was gay for a small period of time. I figured out I’m bisexual. But I could’ve been straight, I just didn’t know. And that’s okay. Lots of people do gross things when they’re young to experiment or they look at porn or whatever else that might be embarrassing or weird. But it’s because humans are naturally curious about sex and we don’t need to be ashamed. If you don’t know, just know tons of other people don’t either, and it doesn’t make you any specific label. You can bang men and women and be straight, but as with most foods, you don’t know till you try it. But of course this isn’t food, so you don’t NEED to try it. But if you wanted to or did, it wouldn’t mean you’re gay straight or bi. You’d just still be you, but maybe more, or less, confused. And that’s okay. We’re all here to just figure shit out in life. We might never know and that’s okay too.
Don’t watch porn
I don’t like men I can’t accept myself being slightly gay
Dude no joke...EVERYONE is slightly gay....homosexuality has existed in every culture, in every SPECIES since the dawn of time...the only reason it was ever demonized was because of religion...but that’s a fairly recent thing, it’s totally natural to be slightly gay...so just try to relax...you want to only sleep with women? That’s totally fine! Just try not to beat yourself up for thinking about dudes once in a while , cause it’s nothing to be ashamed of....and stop testing yourself with gay porn, only watch that stuff if you generally want to and do it unapologetically
I don’t think about dudes I feel like I’m being attacked by thoughts about dudes
Like they’re hurting me but maybe I enjoy them
It’s like my body wants them but my head doesnt
But I don’t want them I’d rather die than do anything gay I can’t do it
I’m losing my mind
So what if I have pedo intrusive thoughts does that mean I’m a pedophile?
Does that mean it’s natural and there’s a chance I might be a pedophile
That’s the whole point of erp...there are no guarantees for anything, accept the anxiety and if you really don’t wanna do something then don’t, make a choice not to and accept uncertainty
"You are not the author of your thoughts. You are the reader."
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I CANT IT ANYMORE THE GROINAL RESPONSES FEEL TOO REAL THEY FEEL JUST LIKE REAL AROUSAL. AN ALMOST FULL ERECTION. IM IN TEARS I HAVENT SLEPT FOR 24 HOURS MY LIFE IS RUINED PLEASE HELP ME IM FEELING VERY SAD
I tried having sex with a girl I had sex with four months ago but I couldn’t get in the mood. I couldn’t get even half an erection. All the time while having intrusive gay thoughts. Inside my mind I was like “see, your gay” “you are not enjoying this” Eventually I couldn’t handle this and stopped making out with her. Now I’m even more depressed. Idk what’s wrong, I can’t take this anymore. The thing is I see guys that are attractive and I get a groinal response and my mind goes into the doubt spiral again. The thing is I know I genuinely have no interest in relationships or anything sexual with guys so why does my mind is literally CONVINCING me that I do? I really can’t take this anymore. I’m having suicidal thoughts for the first time in years.
Lately I've been having a lot of groinal responses, don't want them to be there. Before any of this even happened to me, I don't think I ever had a groinal response looking at another man, it makes me convinced that I've always been gay. I don't wanna be gay. This morning I had a dream about a rapper, it wasn't sexual but for some reason I was hard? I have always been a fan of his music and that's it. Now that's fueling my thought process even more and convincing me that I'm gay and I've been in the closet for a while At the same time i keep crying looking at my ex cause i miss her so much. Another thing to note that whenever i see good looking men or men that are gay i get groinal responses, whereas before this I don't think any of this happened to me. Whenever i look at these men i have to actively take a few deep breath's to catch up my breath, i can feel my heart beating. And most of the times I'm not even thinking anything sexual when ilook at these men it's weird. None of this brings me happiness at all. At this point I'm scared of my own groin cause i don't know what to expect or what's gonna happen. My brain keeps going you're in denial I've always been into women, as far as i can remember, I've lost complete attraction to them especially after my break up and getting depressed and having anxiety. And i keep thinking find a man attractive and if i get a groinal response, " wanna have sex with him" where as before any of this happened to me, these thoughts never even came to my mind, my 22 years of life feels like a complete lie and i hate myself, I've lost all motivation to do Normal things, i feel sleepy, i don't feel confident, loss of attraction, loss of libido, loss of will power, my thoughts keep morphing from " you might be gay" to "you are gay" to "you're bi" to "you're gay" to " you're in the closest" to "how are you gonna come out?". None of these thoughts make me happy, it makes me more confused and scared and kinda uncomfortable, and weirded out too. Another thing i did was since December till March i watched gay porn and barely got aroused and didn't really find it all that hot.? But my brain ignores that i understand now that it was a compulsive thing that's why i stopped but now i get so many groinals it's so weird Can someone tell me what's going on with me? Please please please someone take the time out of their day to read this and respond, thank you! 😩😩😩
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