hey guys, anyone with eating disorders or body dysmorphia? ive had certain habits for a long, long time but ive started seeing them through a different light now. i usually try and starve myself to stay unbloated and skinny looking, and usually after a while i get so hungry that i binge eat. after the binge is over, i either drink excessive amounts of coffee (to work like laxatives) or i starve for days on end to “make up” for it. in all honesty, i would just throw up if it wasnt for a surreal fear of vomiting (only way emetophobia has been good for me ever) about half of the time i feel good about my looks, weight, body, face and all that, but the rest of the time i feel like i look disgusting, and thats where the starving comes in, and excessive grooming habits to cover my flaws. all of this was way worse a couple of years ago, and then it got way better, but along with all of this ocd this has gotten worse again. i feel like the way the “eating disorder” habits and the “body dysmorphia” plays out kind of look like an ocd cycle (sorry for self diagnosing, i dont know if i actually have these) another thing that i know for sure is very unhealthy is the amount of shame and embarrassment i have towards my body. i feel i “have” to do so many things to cover up, prevent or get ready for certain events or plans. overall, any time i need to be proper or any bodypart of mine has a role in something, i get so stressed to the point of panic attacks. i nearly had a burnout when i was seeing this guy for two months (my first time dating someone) from just sheer stress. before meeting up with him i would panic for hours, and still would while being with him. i barely got to enjoy the good times.

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help

Potential TW: So I know this post is not technically FULLY about ocd but I was hoping maybe some people knew something about it or what to tell me. So I know my boyfriend has ocd and anxiety but it’s nothing he is in treatment for and he’s not on medication even though he probably should be. Anyway, I know he has IBD so he already has stomach issues. However, ever since we started dating he has been throwing up in the bathroom a lot. At first I didn’t think anything of it but then I noticed not only did he do this but he eats large amounts of food at a time like a lot of food and then whether it was directly after or a little hour later he would always throw it up and he would turn on the shower making it look like he was taking a shower but I always hear. He keeps saying it’s just that he sometimes feels sick from eating too much but I really think it is bulimia and now it seems like he throws up about 3-4 times a day. I know he has a lot of stress in his life cause so he’ll be applying to law school and his parents also pick on him when he does something wrong though they love him very much and he has this cousin that like is always trying to pressure him to do more social things and he clearly wants to impress his cousin but he’s trying to be something he isn’t. I also know he tends to bottle things up instead of talk about them but recently he has been communicating a bit more just not about this. I know there’s a lot of factors here but does this sound like bulimia? I kind of want to say something but I also know he will probably get very mad. But his parents clearly don’t realize this is happening as he just goes to his own bathroom and pretends to shower. Also, weirdly he has been gaining more weight even though he seems to throw up so much? Also can bulimia cause people to be like quickly defensive or frustrated easily? Because I’ve been seeing that too and I’d like to think that’s not really him cause I have seen he has a caring heart it just seems like he’s struggling a lot. Can anyone tell me some helpful things? Does this sound like bulimia? Does anyone have similar stories or advice they can share? Please help thanks!

This is gonna be a long one: So a little over a month and a half ago, my OCD started to spiral again. I’ve had ups and downs with it in the past, my main themes often changing. When I was younger it as afraid I’d run away, in middle school it was germs. But as I got older I started having intrusive thoughts of the meaning of life, suicide, and dying, with those fears being my common themes now I’ve gotten a lot better since it started back up, but lately have been panicking because I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my methods of trying to heal are wrong. I’m 21, and for the last 3 years have lacked ambition and haven’t pursued my dreams or things I want to do. I just sleep, work, eat junk food, and play games or watch YouTube on my time off. Things I still love, but after years of living this way, I’ve hit a breaking point and want to start doing more with my life and the people in it Yet, almost EVERY new thing I’ve been trying to do or start, I’ve been having thoughts that they’re wrong or won’t help. Here’s some examples: I’ve started trying to eat a bit healthier, and my brain is telling me it’s not gonna fix me and I’m just avoiding food I like (junk I know makes me tired and sad). Then the moment I indulge in even one unhealthy food item, it tells me I’m failing at taking better care of myself and that junk food just numbs the feelings Same with video games. I tell myself it’s okay to play them as long as it’s not to avoid anything or they don’t take up my life like they have been. The second I do I feel guilty, say it’s cheap dopamine and hindering me from being productive and that I’m numbing my feelings again Same story for everything. Trying to walk and go outside more. Head tells me I’m avoiding being home because it makes me anxious. Then when I stay home it tells me I’m wasting time I could be spending outside or with people I love I’ll wanna spend time with my family or friends because I’ve been a hermit for years and miss spending time with them. When I try to, head tells me I can’t because then I’m avoiding the issues I have and seeking reassurance, and that I need to learn to tolerate this alone. But then when I stay home too long, I get anxious and sad because it does make me happy being around them even if I’m not seeking reassurance, and they genuinely do help me feel better (for example I saw my grandparents last night and talked about my feelings and desire to actually go out and live life, and they helped me understand uncertainty is part of life and I should do things I want anyways and even helped come up with things I may like to try doing. Now my brain tells me it’s bad to get help or open up about my pain) I’ll have racing thoughts in my head and I’ll be arguing with myself over rather it’s better to face them head on, ignore them, or let them run their course. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m feeling guilty and shame for it. As if any attempt at feeling pleasure or doing something that makes me happy is “avoiding the problem”, like I HAVE to focus on my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and sadness 24/7 otherwise I’m “avoiding/burying it again” I know not to avoid these things and it’s best to confront them (if they’re real problems I have like relationship issues and insecurities and loneliness) and learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncertainty of life and OCD, but my attempts at “helping myself” are quite literally what I feel is currently keeping me so miserable. They’re sucking whatever joy I have in life out, telling me it’s bad, and that I have to feel this way all the time so I can “learn to tolerate it” I’m just so scared of doing all of this wrong, and I think my OCD I knows that and is currently using that to toy with me. I want to be healthier and happier, but then I feel guilt and fear for not being healthy 24/7 and indulging in not healthy things like video games and the occasional junk food. Anybody else ever felt this way?