It’s been a rough day I swear ever since this huge trigger in my new home in the middle of moveing happened I’ve just been so depressed cause I feel like I can’t even move in my own home I can’t finish moveing my stuff here everything’s is contaminated to me the contamination transfers to everything there’s no end to the possibility of contamination that goes three my mind everyday all day now I’ve been dealing wit this for along time so things that bother me I don’t by like cleaning products I’ll by them but they stay under the sink we’re they belong I wouldn’t set them next to my shower stuff in the shower and like my bf cologne I wouldn’t spray it everywere in the house cause the spray is a contaminate to me so if I did spray it I would feel like it’s on watever was sprayed and certain air fresheners and fabric refreshers I don’t by if I do and if my bf bys them I only spray them on like the tops of curtains extremely close so the over spray doesn’t fall to the floor and spray on other objects and things round the house I keep things up seperatly and no wat I feel comfortable doing in my home I have control over that to avoid triggers but my bf doesn’t understand it it’s hard to explain to him that I don’t like spraying certain stuff on things ocd contamination things are endless so I do have to live wit wat my bf does but still I can control majority of stuff so I don’t get triggered it’s the only thing I can do cause working on this is to much to do on my own and I’m currently looking for help but I’ve not been able to get help so I do wat I need to to keep things to a minimum but since this huge exposure to majority of my new home I’m miserable I’m tired I cry and panick everyday multiple times a day I just can’t deal wit this it’s so frustrating.

I have contamination OCD that causes me to excessively wash my hands/clean items with disinfectant wipes. I know I just need to start with small exposures but how do I do that without spiraling? I tried a while back by just touching the outside of my dishwasher and not washing my hands after and it led to me being unable to even exist in my house. I basically lived on my couch for three weeks as it was the only 'safe' space that I had not touched with my dirty hands. I had to take a week off work to clean my house to make it somewhat liveable. I still haven't got round to cleaning everything though so things like my kitchen are still no-go zones that I don't enter. I just don't know how to start ERP without it making everything worse. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not seeing a therapist at the moment due to financial constraints.

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

Last night I was staying at my boyfriend’s house and couldn’t sleep. I felt like i desperately needed to go back to my parents and clean and organize my room. This has happened a few times before when I was staying at his place. Since then he’s been very upset with me. Does anyone else’s partner do this? Any advice? It’s been hard. He’s made me feel so shameful for having OCD. As if it’s not tough enough /: