Past

With real event OCD, I don’t know if any of you feel this way, but do you ever feel that the past event(s) that you ruminate about or constantly obsess about are gonna come up in your future and just absolutely ruin you, that’s how I’ve been feeling for months, it just feels like impending doom, and I hate having to even think that my future would be ruined by what I did as a teenager, and I did some dumb things, that I regret so deeply, I just can’t stop thinking about that.

do y’all ever look back at memories from your camera roll and come across the time in your life when things were really bad? because when i do, i just feel so sad for the mental state i was drowning in. not that i’m not still, but i have more perspective on it so i’m able to manage it more. but a couple years ago, i rarely left my bed because of how depressed i had gotten. what’s worse is during that time, i had wished that i wanted to unalive myself. but there was never a point when i did want to so it made me upset because i had no way out if i couldn’t handle it anymore. however, i think that’s a blessing in disguise because i was thankfully able to get out of that dark period. i’m still experiencing terrible anxiety, but because i have those times to reflect on and remember i made it through, it’s motivating.

Have any other experienced mentally going through your past, and finding proof that you once looked at that masculine woman and thought she looked good or something, and now that is a total trigger for you. I mean, i have always been romantacally and saxual into men, and never have i ever wanted to be in a sexual relationship with a girl, that thought is really distressing to me, and actually makes me so sad. But these mentally reviewings has me finding episodes where i have looked at a masculine woman, and found her pretty, attractive or something. But they all looked like men .. and again, i could never see myself being sexual or haven a romantically relationsship with a woman, even thought she look like a man .. Have any other in here find themself in this endless tourturing loop, where you find proof of things … I mean, i have one thousands proofs that im into men, i have been in a relationship for 8 years new, but still these other pictures make me doubt everything about myself, and i am really sad .. Please tell me, that anyone else in here have experienced this, and know that it is normal for HOCD ..