- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Past
Does anyone have their past “proofs” and make it feel like denial because of the past
Does anyone have their past “proofs” and make it feel like denial because of the past
Yes
I would say that everyone who lives with OCD would point to past proofs to prove their point, i.e., that they are a bad person, they are a pedophile, that they are evil. But we cannot change the past, we live only in the present, and everyone on the planet has proof of having done something bad, because as humans we have all done things that we regret. OCD takes that regret and blows it out of proportion. When OCD provides you with "proof" your response may be, maybe I am (fill in the blank) and maybe I am not (fill in the blank), but I am not going to compulse to find out - because compulsing feeds the OCD, like gas feeds a fire. We have to learn to live with the uncertainty of our past, and live in the present, accepting that maybe we are or were a bad person, but that is not today. ERP helps us to learn that we can do that without compulsing. Practicing self-compassion and allowing yourself to be human and not arguing with OCD will help lessen the anxiety.
Yes
I feel like I’m the only one who had these intrusive thoughts when I was young
No not the only one.. it’s something that bothering me a lot
yep
Thank you for making me feel not alone
u are not the only one! i had a lot of them very young
@ocdanonymous! I’m so sorry you are suffering. How have you been doing ??
@OCD33 honestly rlly rlly struggling rn. how r u ??
@ocdanonymous! Same as you I was listening to a series and I’m really freaking out right now but I just can’t figure out why… I don’t know anymore fuck….
@ocdanonymous! Are you in therapy? I know it’s so hard. Sending you strength
I am not sure what you mean by "make it feel like denial because of the past" Are you saying that you go over past proofs but when you do you still feel doubt about the "proof" ? I just want to make sure I understand. But we do know with OCD if we go over the past, when we try to figure it out, when we try to get reassurance or any other compulsion that the doubt just grows. I would encourage you to ask yourself what is some ERP that you could do around this to help?
It just feels like things I did in the past prove that this theme is real .
@OCD33 I found that we have similar experiences, like our ocd is similar.. If you want to talk I’m here. Sometimes I’m good but sometimes I’m not, so no pressure but if at one moment you want to talk I’m here
@S.verv20 Thank you. I was doing good for a while. Now I’m back to not feel good and this feeling like denial.
@OCD33 I can understand.. me it’s not that bad but I question because of sex and orgams etc.. if you want to talk I’m back on this app
@polishgirl I really stress right now it’s like it’s the only thing that’s stressing me right now
Ah the past evidence, well that’s the tricky part of OCD isn’t it? You’ll sit there and be like “but i thought so and so was cute.. and i did this at this age and this at this age” but in reality it’s you mentally reviewing (compulsion) and it’s a tough one to eliminate because i do it to. So i completely understand the feeling there. As hard as it is.. maybe maybe not, maybe plan some exposure as well. Let me know your thoughts
Thank you for responding. It’s so hard to not be like “well you had these thoughts as a kid and you did this as a kid so it must mean denial”.
@OCD33 I understand how you feel, Here is an example of how to respond. Let’s take you and you’re let’s say 9/10/11 years old and you genuinely thought another girl was cute. This might replay in your brain “remember that time…” What’s important is to nip it right there “maybe ocd you’re right” “Wow! You are right!” We tend (i as well) take things to another level and that’s ok, but try and use these techniques, ambiguity, self compassion.
So hard to not engage the thoughts because even though it's from the "past" (i don't even know if im remembering things correctly and it kills me) and i can't change it, I just NEED to prove it to myself that it didn't happen this way. If you'd asked me questions maybe a few months ago, I would have been able to lucidly explain things. Now I just feel like I'm in a constant swarm of thoughts, not knowing if anything is real. If my brain is to be trusted. Wish I could just get hypnosis to forget
Idk if this happened to anyone but I have a lot of self doubt and memory problems.idk if they are false memories or not. When someone ,a relative , or even going to church in a deliverance service ask questions like "have you don't something in the past that you feel guilty about in the past?" "do feel like you admitting to stuff would make you feel a certain way ? I feel like it triggers me does that means that the thoughts I have are real and I did do something if I feel triggered. I always feel guilty 😔
Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️
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