Okk, this is gonna sound super terrible and weird but i can't keep it to myself because it makes me think so bad of myself and stuff. Anyways, when i was a lil younger (maybe like a year or two ago) i touched my cats balls like really sexually and i feel so terrible about it. I'm also christian and just started being more of a christian this year. I've recently been going to this one church and i got saved there a few months ago. It made me feel relieved but I'm just jow thinking of this horrible mistake of mine. Since it happend, the cat ran away and i haven't seen it at all. It makes me scared to know if I'll go to heaven or hell for this. I'm not sure. The thought of me doing that has just sparked so much anxiety md stress to where i have thought about suicide but I'd never go through with it. Im feelin super down right now, and if anyone could help or talk to me I'd be so grateful. Also, I'm sorry this was super long.

I think I might be becoming a bad and miserable person because of my past. Recently a lot of people are being exposed for manipulating a child or person, and I started to think back if I ever did such thing. I think I did as a kid, but Idk. When I was a kid, sexting or virtual sex was a thing ( there was no nudes or anything very explicit, it wasn’t that far. Kid would just pretend to do the sex thing). It was very common ( it might have not been for you, but I would see this in video games) for some reason, and I was kind of into it but weirded out by it. I’m glad kids nowadays don’t do that anymore, but when I was a kid I gave it somewhat a try. It’s weird to explain, but this is what happened. I was about 12-14 years old, I don’t remember what age, but all I remembered is that it was the start of me going through puberty. I played this game called “second life.” It was a virtual social game, where you meet up and hangout with people virtually. It’s like vr chat, but not vr. Anyways, a girl invited me to her virtual house. I quickly accepted it invitation because...you know... I was a kid and my mind was like “oh my god, I finally have a online gf” I entered her virtual house, and we were playing truth or dare, then got bored. (I’m sorry this is we’re it gets weird) she asked “now what?” And then I asked if she wanted to go to the bedroom. She said sure. My heart was beefing fast and I was aroused because I felt like I had a gf ( when I say gf, I don’t really mean gf, it was a think kids would say when they hung out with a girl) and I never did this before I think, I hope it was the first and only. (This is very weird ik) This is we’re things got sexual. Once we got there, you know....think you know we’re it was headed. I asked if she has a emote dance that can re-enacts the doggie style. She said yeah, and we did the disgusting thing. I don’t think we said much of anything sexual because weird kids and we’re scared to type anything sexual. I might be wrong I don’t remember much of the conversations. All I remember was that we just had our avatars do the actions and just watched. 30s of that weird disgusting thing, and my arousal then climaxed. I freaked out when I climaxed. I started to realized this was a weird and disgusting thing. I was mostly scared of the climax because I felt like it was unnatural. I was scared of what just happened, and so I quickly told the girl to stop. She stopped, and I idk if she asked why or anything. I was too weirded out and just said “I have to go. Bye” she said ok. And I left. I deleted everything. I deleted the game and swore to never touch that game ever again because I thought it was evil. I think I also delete other social games that had similarities to that game. I never wanted to ever interact with a person online because that experience felt very disgusting and regrettable. Years later, I a 16 year old, find out about YouTuber manipulating underage fans. And I see my little cousins talk about their online bfs and gfs. I remember the disgusting situation that I took part when I was a kid. The I started to get scared. What if that “gf” was way younger than me? What if I manipulated her and I caused irreversible physiological damage? The whole interaction from when I was invited to the end of the interaction lasted only like 5-10 mins, I might be wrong though. I feel very horrible and miserable. I have no idea who the other person is that was the first and last time I ever interacted with them. I think I might have asked for their age, and it was my age, but I don’t remember. Maybe they were my age, and so that’s why we continued to be “bf and gf” during the interaction (not really big and gf, it a thing kids used to say) I feel bad for the other person. It felt like we both liked each other, but the possibility of the unknown age gap scares me. I feel like I did no damage to the person because it ended very quickly, but the possibility that I did still whispers to me. I’ve been starting to hate myself recently because of this. Maybe I deserve it, I have no idea. I don’t know how to look at that situation. I could make the argument that we were just two dumb kids who did something stupid or It could be seen as me manipulating and hurt someone. I don’t know what to think of it or how to feel. I now am starting to believe my existence should not be allowed to continue. I feel like I am not allowed to be happy at all. My family invites me to do fun stuff and hangout with them, but I reject their offers because I feel like I should just rot in my bed. I never felt very miserable and it hurts, but I feel like I deserve to be hurt. I might not deserve anything good I get in my life for what I might have done to the person. This might be the first time I ever spoke about this. I need some guidance in my life. What are your thoughts about all of this? Have you ever been in a similar situation? How should I feel about the situation? Am the evil person who hurt someone or were we both just dumb kids? Anything will help me. I’m going to tell this to my therapist m, but I feel like she might not help me. I feel likes it a “you screwed up your life” type of situation. Anyways I hope you have a great day wether you hate me or not. Thank you if you have read this far?

i’m in DESPERATE need of help. i cant even handle this, i feel like the shittiest person in the world. I want you guys to be honest but also don’t think of me as the worst person ever. So, i’m so close to being 16 now. When i was younger i guess i was exposed to more sexual things at a young age. i was in like 5th-6th grade i’m pretty sure and seventh maybe but i highly doubt it and my middle school doesn’t start til 7th so i was basically just in elementary school. i hate saying this it literally disgusts me but i have to do it for my own sanity. so, at this age, i touched my neighbors dog and like did other things. it wasn’t like a thing that went on and happened every day, but it happened a few times. i basically just did sexual things with an animal and it’s so gross. i didn’t do like actual sex but it’s still gross. and i remember when i was SO young i like humped my other neighbors dog. i think it’s so horrible to look back into now and i promise i’m not a horrible person and i think that is horrible now, but i cant change the past. i don’t want this to bother me for my whole life and i literally swear i’m not a horrible person i was just young and didn’t know any better i guess. i think of Shane Dawson and how he got canceled for stuff like this but wasn’t he like literally an adult when it happened? i don’t know, i just want to cry so badly. i hate myself. any advice?

I got into porn around 14 or 15 I can’t remember, and I came across something really bad on accident. I don’t know if I knew how bad it was. It was literally on instagram. I have no idea why or how that was on there. But I ended up looking it up when I was 16 again and I touched myself to it. I am appalled and ashamed. I don’t know why I did it and I can’t get over the fact that I did. What was I thinking? I don’t understand how I could have done that and it doesn’t even feel like me because I can’t Imagine doing that now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I did. I just want help. Im scared to get help, I feel like I deserve to go to jail. I just want to get help and be a good person. I don’t want to do harm. I genuinely just want help. Im scared but I refuse to feel like I’m getting away with something awful so I want to tell a professional. It’s eating me alive. I can’t sleep or do anything without thinking about it. It runs my life. I can’t live with it and I can’t live this way feeling like a monster. I feel like I’m going to end myself one day. I feel like I’m lying about who I am to my family and I don’t want anyone to do anything nice for me. They think I’m a good person and I’m not. I wish I was. I feel like I’ve ruined myself and betrayed everyone. I feel so guilty and I feel sad. I don’t want to think about what my family would think. I feel like a lost cause.