Explore more posts

Username: healingLittleJade

Date posted: 1y ago

Lightbulb with text that reads "Auto-generated title"

Frustration with ERP: Is there a better way to manage violent intrusive thoughts?

Getting frustrated with the concept of ERP

I got diagnosed in October (even tho I’ve had very obvious symptoms since I was a young kid in hindsight) and started ERP soon after. At first, ERP seemed to make sense to me. The whole idea of exposing yourself to your triggers and overtime learning that there’s no real threat there, and learning to tolerate anxiety. But during this holiday season my harm theme has come up a bit again, due to being home with my family and their playing violent shows on TV. And it occurred to me that there seems to be no winning with ERP. I would sit there watching the violent shows with my family, and try my hardest to resist any mental compulsions, but then just be left feeling horrible and anxious all day. And I realized that I actually DON’T WANT to be desensitized to violence. I don’t want to get to a point where violent thoughts don’t make me anxious, because I think that would make me a less empathetic and less pure-hearted person. To get even more specific, if I have an intrusive thought that says “what if I kill my family like I just saw in that tv show?” the ERP response would be “maybe I will kill my family, maybe I won’t”. BUT THAT’S AWFUL. That just sounds stupid to me. How is anyone supposed to say such a thing or “accept uncertainty” about that?? I would rather keep doing my mental compulsion of blocking out the thought than even entertaining the “uncertainty” that I could hurt my family. So it’s like, if I let the violent thoughts be there, my options are 1: feel horrible all the time (which I think is an appropriate response to having horrible thoughts, but it’s still not a fun way to live), or 2: if I try to push them out, that’s supposedly a compulsion which is supposedly making the OCD worse, so there no winning in either scenario for me. Can anyone relate? What am I missing here? There’s gotta be a better solution or something I’m not understanding about ERP, right?

Username: Jak71Jak71

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello 🙂 I’m trying ERP too! Always been too scared to try before now but have made a start and I know what you mean about the discomfort. I think the idea is to stay with this anxiety until the anxiety levels decrease? I like to think that I don’t ‘accept’ The thoughts but am trying to train myself not to respond to them in my usual horrified manner. All people have horrible thoughts from time to time, but unlike ocd sufferers they are able to disregard them as the nonsense they actually are.

Username: healingLittleJadehealingLittl...

Date posted: 1y ago

@jay71 Thanks for replying! 🙂 see the last part of what you said is what’s confusing me. If I’m able to just think about something else, does that make it a “compulsion” or am I just doing what normal brains do? The thoughts don’t really get stuck anymore (they did when I was a kid) if I just redirect my thoughts to something else, but I thought that I’ve been told in therapy that that’s a compulsion

Username: UncertainOtter104UncertainOtt...

Date posted: 1y ago

@healingLittleJade I think there’s a personal nuance to this that you will have to figure out for yourself, like discovering where your line is. Cause what is helped me, is realizing that my brain is obsessive, compulsive, symptomatic. That’s never gonna change. It only crosses into obsessive compulsive disorder, disrupting my life, when I have to do the compulsions over and over again, or there’s a sense of urgency to needing to do the compulsions. But I personally have found a one and done rule, like if I need to check that the door is locked, I only do it once, and I only let myself do it once. I don’t go back and do it again. Because for me, that’s where the compulsion lies. If I can stop it from repeating and repeating, then I’m not engaging in the compulsion. If I do it once I don’t consider it a compulsion. Because it’s the repetitiveness of the compulsion that disrupts my life not doing it once and being done. But that’s what works for me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Username: healingLittleJadehealingLittl...

Date posted: 1y ago

@UncertainOtter104 That totally makes sense I appreciate that response!

Username: ShayrineShayrine

Date posted: 1y ago

I totally get it! I'm currently going through a similar situation where I'm constantly having thoughts of a bad situation becoming true, and just thinking about in terms of "maybe, maybe not" or even "what's the worst that can happen" - those don't actually give me relief at all, I simply cannot accept the fact that they CAN come true because it causes me so much distress. As such I'm really struggling with the concept of ERP and how to even begin, even though this is the supposed best way to handle compulsions.

Username: 6827368273

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Shayrine I just did erp with my therapist, and I just want to quit

Username: 6827368273

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@68273 It is hard to accept if it goes against what you want and value

Username: ChuckTamboChuckTambo

Date posted: 1y ago

This is a good one for the NOCD staff to chime in on. I think a lot of us OCD sufferers feel this same way.

Username: healingLittleJadehealingLittl...

Date posted: 1y ago

I guess another question I have is: are all compulsions “bad”? Like what is so bad about redirecting your thoughts to something that isn’t violent? If that particular “compulsion” isn’t causing me any problems then do I really need to get rid of it?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I hear you, I also have similar thoughts of should I even be comfortable with the HOCD thoughts I’m having because if I’m ok with the thoughts then it makes me a terrible person. Haven’t had my first session yet so can’t offer any advice or anything. Just that I feel similarly

Username: UncertainOtter104UncertainOtt...

Date posted: 1y ago

I get your frustration and idk if this will help. But I think the difference is the amount of obsessing and focus on the thoughts. If someone without OCD has a violent intrusive thought, they can say, “Ugh, I don’t like that. That’s awful.” If it came from a tv show or whatever, they can turn it off and move on to something different. The different for someone with OCD is that they can’t move on. It stays stuck. So it’s not that you become okay with or accept the thought as real or even become desensitized to it, it’s about how long you focus on it and how much attention and energy you give it. Does that make sense?

Username: healingLittleJadehealingLittl...

Date posted: 1y ago

@UncertainOtter104 That does make sense but as I explained in my reply up above, it seems like I am able to disregard the thoughts and move on but how is that different from the compulsion of “thought stopping”?

Username: UncertainOtter104UncertainOtt...

Date posted: 1y ago

@healingLittleJade Sorry, I replied to the wrong comment lol see the above response!

Username: healingLittleJadehealingLittl...

Date posted: 1y ago

@UncertainOtter104 Oh no you’re good I just posted that after! I wasn’t saying that you didn’t answer my question I was just basically bringing up a follow up question haha. I appreciate your help!

Username: 6827368273

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I get it, I’m also frustrated. How are you suppose to accept you can harm someone you love. I’m doing erp too in my third week and feel my anxiety so high like 8 everyday , I forget a lot things

Username: Serena

Date posted: 6y ago

Skeptical about ERP? I found ERP really conflicts with some other theories, like the theories of Louise Hay (who wrote the book “you can heal your life). I will elaborate on my confusions. 1. ERP asks us to experience obsessions without thinking “no I won’t hurt myself” “no I won’t hurt others”. “No, I am safe and those thoughts are not real”. Thinking “i won’t do dangerous stuff and I am completely safe” is considered as compulsion to rid us of anxiety, but Louise Hay thinks it as positive affirmation. 2. Will ERP make us believe what we think even more? ERP asks you to write your fears into those stories and scripts and repeat them again and again until you habituate. But why would I say to myself “oh, maybe I will kill my parents and I will accept that and move on”? How does this make any sense? 3. I read the book of Shannon Shy who has recovered from OCD and he used his own strategies. I remembered that when he confronted his obsession of whether he left the pot on, he would say to himself that “do you think the pot will turn itself on”? to help him better move on to do things that he should do. But according to ERP, isn’t this a compulsion? Cuz ERP asks us to accept that ok the pot may be on and my house may be burned down and I accept that and I move on? I just find ERP theories weird.

Username: feelinghopel...

Date posted: 4y ago

I'm really confused about what ERP actually is. I've read that it's all about facing your intrusive thoughts & not doing the compulsions, but then I also hear it's about more than that, like eating off a toilet seat, or even licking a toilet seat. So I guess my question is if ERP is really about letting my intrusive thoughts be there and not reacting to them, whats the point of doing far-out-there exposures that would bother be OCD or no OCD. I could lick toilets, eat from them, roll around in dumpsters, make things opposite from the way I want them all day, but I'm still not going to like doing those things. It's weird because the description of ERP seems to contradict things when it's actually put into practice.

Username: OCD1994

Date posted: 3y ago

Where I'm getting stuck is that there are two approaches in therapy. And the two contradict each other. 1. Experience the intrusive thought, don't do the compulsion. 2. Do an exposure. I don't believe I can move forward because the two contradict each other. I don't understand how people go through ERP and come out feeling better from OCD. I don't get it. I'm trying to do both #1 and #2, but the two just clash. What am I doing incorrectly?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Frustration with ERP: Is there a better way to manage violent intrusive thoughts?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community