So many people on here struggle with thinking about what they miss doing or feeling before their OCD theme hit. Some miss being attracted to the opposite sex and feeling giddy talking to a cute guy at the super market, others miss being able to sit with their partners in peace on the couch, others miss cooking with sharp knives without having thoughts about anything but the food in front of them. What do you miss? I miss feeling like I had a strong sense of self and identity. I miss doing or saying something and thinking, “yeah, that’s the type of person I am! And I’m proud!” Now, I say/do stuff and think, “well that’s how the old me would have done it, and I’m not sure what else to do. But it doesn’t really feel like it’s coming from me anymore. It’s just, a habit. My whole personality and identity is just performing a habit. And I have no idea what to replace it with cause I can’t seem to access the “real me” anymore.”

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.

Not necessarily asking for reassurance and I know I’ve mentioned this here before but my OCD has been affecting my cognition seemingly. I’ll forget small things or put things in odd places sometimes, or mix up words - things like that. Obviously this triggers me to be like “Alzheimers/dementia.” Can anyone relate? And if you recovered what did you do for it?