False memories

I basically can’t stop thinking about the false memories and I’ve been thinking about them non-stop since I’ve woken up today. I keep picturing the images / the false memory and I focus and fixate on the images and they feel so so real and realistic and when I think of them I get a feeling of “clarity” and a genuine sense of knowing and belief that deep down I know these memories are true and have happened and that I’m just in denial and lying to myself and you by saying that they’re false memories when in actuality I know they’re real which is also really frustrating and makes me feel uncomfortable. On top of that as I’m writing this message my stomach won’t stop turning and it really hurts and I just want to cry and my brain says that I’m experiencing these physical feelings because I know I am lying and just in denial and that these physical symptoms are proof that I am lying and just in denial and I just don’t know what to do or how to calm down. I really don’t want these memories to be true and I want them to be false more than anything in the world and I am not lying when I say I don’t know whether or not they’re real and I’m not lying or pretending they’re false memories but the more I say that to myself the more it feels like a lie and I’m just terrified at the thought and idea of them being even 1% true because why wouldn’t they be? Is it really possible to fabricate entire memories or doing sexual things to and with another person that are that detailed and realistic :/ My brain says things will only get better once I admit to the false memories and stop lying to myself and stop being in denial and stop using false memory ocd as an excuse and just admit to them because I know deep down I have done them and that they’re true which is why I feel a deep sense of clarity about them and that I am just continuing to lie to myself, to my girlfriend, to my therapist and to my family when I say I don’t know whether I have done anything sexual to or with this person because deep down I know I have I just don’t want to admit it so I’m continuing to be in this heavy state and cycle of denial because I don’t want to accept what I have done. I just want this to end. I just want confirmation that I have never done anything sexual to or with this person and that these memories are entirely fabricated by my ocd and have no basis in reality but I don’t even think that’s possible. I’m so done.

Is there any someone suffering from false memory ocd? I need help. Please support.

So I am experiencing my first OCD theme, man what a fun ride! It’s been 3 months and I finally decided as of yesterday it’s either stay here and get worse or start choosing to figure out what I need to do. I won’t go too much into my scenario and I’m not asking for reassurance. I just want to to how false memories work and if they commonly present like this. So I am married. We were out somewhere and I saw someone I knew. I have never been romantically involved with this person and I was just like oh hey that’s such and such in my brain. Well about 10 minutes goes by and I get a flash of a memory of an online interaction I had with them (this is real) and well it caught me off guard and I was like when was that? It was so long ago I couldn’t recall and I was like well I think that was before my relationship and then I thought well what if it was after since you can’t remember and BOOM I got a flash of a memory (more like a picture) of my brain correlating me doing this while in my relationship. And then the more I thought of trying to disprove that I had another memory (which I believe to be the true memory) of it occurring before my relationship. Here’s the thing. About a year or two ago I saw this same person. The same thing happened. I was shocked and panicked and just was like I don’t know I have never even thought of this in my relationship and just kind of shut it down saying maybe I just will never bring it up to my husband. But I completely forgot about that. Outside of these two times I have NEVER thought of this in my relationship. Like at all. Never thought of this person once. Here’s what I’m wondering, do false memories (even about real events) often occur after what if statements? Even though what I did most people wouldn’t care about, it would have been very out of character for me and also for me to just entirely forget about it. So I am pretty sure I am dealing with a false reconstruction of a past real event. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar? Is there more to identifying these false memories? And how did you deal with them? I have accepted I can never disprove a memory. Even if someone told me it wasn’t real. I just feel like if you did something that was a little out of your character you would definitely remember it not just did I? I just wanted to give my example, but I am interested in how people deal with this.