WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DONT DO COMPULSIONS ANYMORE? OR THINK OF IT ANYMORE? OR BE SCARED OF IT ANYMORE? BUT YOU STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOURE IN AN OCD PRISON ,LIKE U DONT FEEL WELL, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW? IM GOING CRAZY CAN SOMEONE ANSWER ME PLZ I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE DID I JUST RECOVERED FROM OCD ? HOW? I DONT FEEL GOOD WTFFFF HELP

It's just that your brain is used to constant fear and anxiety and it needs time to adapt, so you're not feeling right because this is somethnig new for your brain. Give yourself time, be persistent, don't analyze this new feeling amd evetualy it will stop. You're going in a right way, you're just not aware of it. :)

All of that happened, especially in the beginning. You probably have found yourself struggling to remember things from your past that you once considered evidence as to why were straight. You probably have also had that evidence turned against you in your head and you found yourself constantly having reasons as to why that evidence wasn’t good enough to say you were straight. That’s what this form of OCD does. It feeds off you doing this. What my therapist asked me though was one question. When you look into your past is there any evidence that you were gay and just didn’t consciously realize it? I realized I didn’t and even though it made me feel better, this still didn’t stop my brain from convincing me that it wasn’t enough evidence to say that I was or wasn’t gay. It took me a year to find an answer to this and I really want you to do this too. Stop analyzing your past because it will never have enough proof to give you the answers you want. In your elevated OCD state your brain will struggle to remember the past too, and this will upset you. Once I stopped looking into my past I realized the answers I seek will show naturally through time because in all reality you don’t control your sexuality. Don’t be scared, trust me I was, but this does not mean your giving up, and it certainly does not automatically mean your gay or straight. You must force yourself to stop analyzing your every thought, actions, feelings, and memories because no matter how much you analyze you will not find an answer. I know this is difficult because I went through it for a long time. Your OCD will take your past and use it against you, it will feel like your getting punched in the gut every time it happens, but that “proof” your brain is using to say you are gay and in denial is just as useless as the thoughts you have saying you are straight. I also am willing to bet that your brain has made you feel like you want it, but underneath that thought you are screaming that you don’t. When I explained it to my therapist I compared it to this scenario. Imagine your in space, your screaming but since there is no sound in space nothing comes out when you try to yell. It makes you want to cry but you find yourself struggling to produce tears you so badly want to produce, but can’t because your brain tells you that you are lying and are just denying the inevitability that you are gay. Trust me when I tell you that it is bullshit. That’s just how your OCD messes with you. I want to tell you about what makes this type of OCD the worst. Sometimes you find yourself feeling like you are attracted to men because you think that’s what your state of mind is telling you. So you take this as proof because you start to feel its inevitable. Over time I have come to realize that the brain of someone with OCD does some strange things. Do you ever find yourself having headaches, like your brain has been pulled inside out? Or that your struggling to keep your feelings in check, and feel choked up for no reason? Or find your brain telling you that you attracted to guys/girls that really you are not attracted to because you know in your heart that you don’t truly feel whatever your brain is telling you feel for them. This gets way less severe once you let your brain think whatever it wants to think. Another thing, don’t take any arousal you feel for proof on what you are attracted to. That’s something they sometimes forget to tell you about this OCD, and for me it was what kept spurring it along for nearly the whole time I have dealt with it. I know it is a son of a gun to deal with this. Another thing that is terrifying about this OCD is that you are forced to confront it every time you masturbate. You find yourself constantly creating sexual scenarios with both sexes, analyzing which ones you think your brain likes and taking it as proof for what you are attracted to. Instead for a while, try to just masturbate to get it out of the way. Don’t create sexual scenarios, don’t even think about women or men. Just get it out of the way. I know that’s easier said than done, but eventually I was able to do so, and it made getting through this OCD much easier. And I believe the biggest thing to stop doing is using porn to analyze what you are attracted. This will never truly help you find the answers you seek. Once you let your brain relax, over time it will become more clear what you really want to masturbate to, and you know what’s awesome? Eventually I masturbated to exactly what I wanted to all along. I find it important to ask you, how long have you been dealing with this OCD? Have you looked for any help, or confronted your parents ( if you are under age) about what your brain has been thinking? Have you been put on anxiety medication (SSRI’s?)

To me it seems like you're obsessing about "not feeling anxiety about your typical OCD theme". That's very common in OCD recovery. Be careful, cause OCD can morph literally into anything. People can develop obsession about recovery. Our brain just follows that distorted pattern. It's almost like we NEED to obsess cause it is what our brains are used to.

You won’t go back to feeling normal the instant you stop performing compulsions. Think about how long your brain has been working this way, it takes awhile to reprogram after you stop. Numbness is a pretty common response to getting through a traumatic time — like having an OCD crisis. It’s a defense mechanism. Please give yourself some understanding and care. You’re putting so much pressure on your brain to “go back to normal.” Instead, can you give yourself some compassion: “hey self, you’ve been through a lot lately and I know all of this was really hard. I know you were scared. I know you were confused and didn’t know what to do. I know you felt powerless. It’s okay now. I’m here for you and I’ll take care of you through this.”

You said you’re not experiencing OCD anymore, but don’t really describe what you are experiencing. Can you describe what you’re feeling?

Same, I didn’t feel anxious for one day and thought “does this mean I’m accepting that I am gay because the thoughts are no longer making me anxious” and now I really fully can’t get out of that thought, I went from “HOCD” to fully “in denial” and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore

Omg thank u so fkn much ur the best I swear but what I meant that I’m not putting pressure to go back to who i was I’m just telling u I’m stuck in ocd not in the cycle of ocd no but in how ocd feels u know it’s like as if I recovered but still in the mood of ocd

OCD isn’t an on/off switch. Think of it more like a gradual descent from a mountain. You’re exhausted from the trek. You’re dehydrated. You need tests. But you’re getting closer to home with every step. Be easy on yourself.

Kidicadus17, I have two questions, first one is: when you had the ocd did you go into your past to dig every single posible information and take it as “evidence” even things that in the moment didn’t seem bad but now are “proof”. Second one is, did you ever go through the “I’m definitely in denial” phase? And just began accepting a reality that you didn’t actually want or desired? But your brain told you “you do want it, you do like it” and you actually felt like you wanted it when deep inside you knew you didn’t?

@pureolife I think this happened bc I read a lot about ocd and I think I’m using it as a compulsion I heard something says if u read a lot and stuff it triggers u bc like now whenever I get triggered I know it ocd and I think that might be a compulsion what do u think ?

I think you’re asking a lot of questions to try to gain certainty and that’s just not possible. Stop reading about OCD. You’ve done enough research. Its just another form of compulsion.

@pureolife thanks u sm love

Iam not ik it’s been along time

@pureolife I feel stuck I’m still the person with ocd but not experiencing ocd anymore like just a lil u know like I’m not the person who I was before ocd but I don’t do compulsions anymore I hope u got what I’m feeling I rlly need help no one ever answered why question

Smalbird no a lot of ppl told me that but I’m not scared of having ocd anymore I’m just literally NUMB i don’t care

Rests* not tests

I have been struggling with this for over a year and a half. In the beginning I thought I was finding out I was gay despite being in love with girls all my life. I’m 19. I went to therapy, tried abstaining for 90 days from masturbating, and have taken medication for what they believed to be bipolar disorder in the beginning. I finally got diagnosed with ocd two months ago and despite therapy I struggled none the less. Here is the truth about getting past this. You must allow these thoughts to happen, whether some trigger unwanted arousal, scare you, or make you want to scream on the inside. When this first starts you will struggle because your brain is used to fighting these thoughts. However, given time, you will find yourself realizing these are just thoughts. What sucks about OCD is that it doesn’t go away even if you accept the thoughts. However you will see that these are just that, thoughts. It doesn’t mean they are right or wrong. You are not giving up by giving in, instead you are choosing to let your brain naturally sort itself out. What often happens is that you think about think about it and this just starts the cycle again. I’m being literal when I say you HAVE to give in to the thoughts. It also feels necessary to note that if you do indeed have OCD, I would seek medical prescription for SSRI’s possibly with some anxiety medication. It took nortriptylin, divalproex, and quetiapine to get my OCD in check. I was on the brink of psychosis before they put me on the medication. I’m not saying you should take these exact medications, but I am saying that if you are struggling with this OCD for quite a long period now, it is best to seek actual diagnosis from a psychiatrist. Don’t lie to them about your thoughts, don’t be scared that by vocalizing these thoughts they may influence you into something you are trying to get away from. Let it all out. I felt numb to my emotions towards the worst of it, but your now talking to someone who is in a much better position in life than I was previously a year ago. To answer your question about figuring out your sexuality, you need to allow yourself to realize you that you may never truly know it, but that does not rule out the possibility that you will understand it better in the future, trust me you will. I still have the OCD thoughts and it constantly plays in the background in my head even when I’m not thinking about it, that’s what OCD does. The more you loosen the grip on these thoughts the more scary it will feel, but you will ultimately feel better because your brain will normalize from doing so given time. Another big challenge for some is doing rituals because they help create a feeling of security. These do work, but they can also make it worse and often times do. Try to reduce these rituals. You have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable before it gets better. The worst part about sexuality OCD is that will never be a definitive answer and this causes the feeling to never truly leave, but eventually you get used to this feeling and it will reduce and have less control over you in the future. Feel free to respond to me about any questions, There is most likely few questions you have that I haven’t already had to deal with. So I will be able to help to some degree.