SOOCD/ROCD

Wanna share something? I don't have a fully sucessful story but I also have hocd and rocd.

@Lavander Today has just been hard I am so stressed out I feel sick. My ocd feels like it is convinced that I am gay even though I am not attracted to women and don’t want to be with one. I have a boyfriend and I am in the best relationship of my life I just want to be with him but my mind is saying I will always feel like this and will never be able to be comfortable in my relationship again. I would even be fine with feeling like I am bi because then I could still chose to be with a man but my mind is making it seem like I don’t have a choice :/

@Keepongoing Yep, I relate to that. I have a boyfriend that I love very much and ocd came out of nowhere to punch me in the face. Anxiety is running wild. The thing is, our brains keep telling us that we don't have a choice abt the relationship, that we're gay, but both the thoughts of breaking up and being of another sexuality brings us anguish. I also feel sick, even my appetite is low. And it feels so real, so urgent. It's maddening. Let's hang in there though..

@Lavander Accepting uncertainty is so hard for me to accept :( I feel like I will always feel like this it sucks :/

@Keepongoing I know how it is. But it does get better. Last year I did amazing. I only relapsed a few weeks ago. Your brain eventually gets tired of the doubting, anxiety fades away.

I had SOCD and got through it. I dated only dudes but thought I was gay and gave in to a lot of compulsions and rumination. Fast forward and I’m dating an awesome guy and the SOCD isn’t an issue but ROCD is strong (I didn’t realize that was a thing till lately). It all felt real when it’s happening.

@Razz14 Your comment is so helpful! My SOOCD feels so real and it sucks. Did you have the backdoor spike? That is what keeps getting me

@Razz14 I’m so happy for you, thank you for sharing!! I feel more hopeful now 🫶🏽🥲

@Keepongoing Yup I did! Lot of back door spikes for a while but you start seeing them sooner and using ERP and then they fade into the background

@blazed It’ll get better but ERP was the only way I got better

@Honeyshark Did you start feeling worse before you felt better? I sometimes feel like it’s hard to tell what thoughts are real and which ones are just ocd

@Keepongoing I mean, yeah. But I felt like shit most of the time (or worse) it was those back door spikes and being so tired and “accepting” OCD as the truth that came as new ways to suffer but those faded too. Like nowadays I’ll have the thought “oh she’s hot, huh am I gay?” And then it passes but before this one thought sent me spiraling for years. I wish I had known about it showing up in relationships as well cuz it’s def been there the whole time and I gotta work on that next.

@Honeyshark Thank you for taking the time to respond!!! You have actually been so helpful! I wish you the very best with ROCD I have my struggles with that too and it sucks :( We are both stronger than ocd :)