- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
SOOCD/ROCD
Any so-ocd or ROCD success stories? I am having a very hard ocd day and it has me feeling hopeless :(
Any so-ocd or ROCD success stories? I am having a very hard ocd day and it has me feeling hopeless :(
I had SOCD and got through it. I dated only dudes but thought I was gay and gave in to a lot of compulsions and rumination. Fast forward and I’m dating an awesome guy and the SOCD isn’t an issue but ROCD is strong (I didn’t realize that was a thing till lately). It all felt real when it’s happening.
@Razz14 Your comment is so helpful! My SOOCD feels so real and it sucks. Did you have the backdoor spike? That is what keeps getting me
@Razz14 I’m so happy for you, thank you for sharing!! I feel more hopeful now 🫶🏽🥲
@Keepongoing Yup I did! Lot of back door spikes for a while but you start seeing them sooner and using ERP and then they fade into the background
@blazed It’ll get better but ERP was the only way I got better
@Honeyshark Did you start feeling worse before you felt better? I sometimes feel like it’s hard to tell what thoughts are real and which ones are just ocd
@Keepongoing I mean, yeah. But I felt like shit most of the time (or worse) it was those back door spikes and being so tired and “accepting” OCD as the truth that came as new ways to suffer but those faded too. Like nowadays I’ll have the thought “oh she’s hot, huh am I gay?” And then it passes but before this one thought sent me spiraling for years. I wish I had known about it showing up in relationships as well cuz it’s def been there the whole time and I gotta work on that next.
@Honeyshark Thank you for taking the time to respond!!! You have actually been so helpful! I wish you the very best with ROCD I have my struggles with that too and it sucks :( We are both stronger than ocd :)
Wanna share something? I don't have a fully sucessful story but I also have hocd and rocd.
@Lavander Today has just been hard I am so stressed out I feel sick. My ocd feels like it is convinced that I am gay even though I am not attracted to women and don’t want to be with one. I have a boyfriend and I am in the best relationship of my life I just want to be with him but my mind is saying I will always feel like this and will never be able to be comfortable in my relationship again. I would even be fine with feeling like I am bi because then I could still chose to be with a man but my mind is making it seem like I don’t have a choice :/
@Keepongoing Yep, I relate to that. I have a boyfriend that I love very much and ocd came out of nowhere to punch me in the face. Anxiety is running wild. The thing is, our brains keep telling us that we don't have a choice abt the relationship, that we're gay, but both the thoughts of breaking up and being of another sexuality brings us anguish. I also feel sick, even my appetite is low. And it feels so real, so urgent. It's maddening. Let's hang in there though..
@Lavander Accepting uncertainty is so hard for me to accept :( I feel like I will always feel like this it sucks :/
@Keepongoing I know how it is. But it does get better. Last year I did amazing. I only relapsed a few weeks ago. Your brain eventually gets tired of the doubting, anxiety fades away.
Really struggling today so far. I have partner-focused ROCD so I’m constantly picking apart my partner and looking for warning signs that he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t want to be with me or care for me. Valentine’s Day is really hard for me because it’s not a huge holiday for the two of us but of course my ROCD takes it and runs with it. It tells me that he doesn’t love me, things won’t get better, he doesn’t care, he’s lazy, he’s the worst boyfriend, etc. This sucks so much because I just want to accept the fact that my brain wants to tell me these things…it is just so hard!!! :(
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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