- Username
- Alex210
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hi Alex210! My gene pool is pretty shitty, too. I have bipolar, OCD, anxiety, lots of depression, schizophrenia, diabetes type 2, hypertension, flat feet, and addiction issues. It’s been a hell of a ride! So far I’ve managed to pick up bipolar disorder, OCD, hypertension, and flat feet. Fingers crossed I never get diabetes. I encourage you to talk with your psych- openly and honestly- about your thoughts, they are being paid to help you- use their expertise. I also seriously encourage you to go back to therapy, which I realize is easier said than done. I have been living with mental illness since I was 13 (I’m now 32) and have had long periods of no therapy. I don’t like talking to a stranger about my dark thoughts and feelings, but I always seem to feel better after I do. Lastly, I guess I will tell you that these words may sound like I’ve got my shit together, but truth be told- I am suffering. I rarely leave my house because it takes so long and I am so scared. These are just things I’ve found helpful. Read EVERYTHING related to your symptoms and share your findings with the professionals treating you. I hope things get better- for me and you.
Most people have something in their family whether it’s addiction and alcoholism or heart disease and stroke. The thing about genes is: they’re only a possibility. They won’t necessarily all express themselves. You just carry them. And they can be influenced by environment and lifestyle to a certain degree. It sucks to look at all the cards stacked against you at once. Which is why it’s important to remember that we all have our cards, we have little control other than to do our best, and there’s never going to be a silver bullet to our problems. Solve what you can, make peace with what you can’t, live.
Yup my gene pool is also crap My parents have bipolar My grandad has a personality disorder Im coming down with paranoia and OCD My dad and Grandma and my grandad have type 2 diabetes I was born at 25 weeks, my sister 28 weeks. Theres more chance of you getting X illness but physcosis doesnt seem to be affected a lot by genetics!
would you please do research on the "methylation cycle". you may start here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6218441/ https://www.vitacure.me/blogs/news/difference-undermethylated-vs-overmethylated-symptoms
I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.
What makes me feel the craziest, is that I feel like I know enough thanks to my having to research and Google everything..... like, I'm a sophomore in college... I am majoring in Psychology. Because the human mind (like mine) is so interesting. So like, I will talk to myself. Quietly with my thoughts AND even out loud. What trips me out is that I Swear that I have full therapy sessions with myself. I know my OCD is the cause of me having to keep questioning myself and trying to figure out why I'm this way and how to get better and what can I do to end this hell I live in inside my mind. I have made note of being able to provide myself with suggestions and advice and info on things to do that can help counter and deal with my OCD to where i can be more functional. It really pulls me into an intense standstill Because it's like I know the answer and I know what I need to do... but I have to always end it with how i must not care how insane and crazy I am because if I know what I can do to help manage and keep my OCD at ease, then why can't I? It pulls me into this spiral where I then question what I know. Or if I have some sort of split personality. I'm always checking and researching things that I already know, just so I can find reassurance. I will ask Alexa stupid questions I know the answer to, like "whats the definition of _____" when I know what the meaning is, but I want to make sure. I'm always feeling as if I could be wrong in everything I think I know.... I get stuck for hours replaying events and situations or something said or done and try to think of every possible reason why, or possible outcomes. I can not communicate effectively because I sound crazy to myself, how is the other person thinking I'm normal? I get lost and stuck for hours in my own head... "circling" as i call it, or what I recently read as a ping pong game. My best friend committed suicide in 2019, by "hanging" to where I became obsessed with suicide, learning all about hanging to where I know things like short-drop and either you suffer or just pass out. Not just that but then I want to know how she was in her last moments. (I would hope she just passed out... I hate knowing she was in any pain). This lead me to become obsessed with the spirit world and started doing spirit box sessions again because I want to talk to her. (Which has me confused between I know I might hear some things because I want to... but also feel that because of that, I need clear responses). I am just in constant battle with my own self. I'm always fighting my own self. I'm my own worst enemy... but my own friend and therapist and teacher and etc. This is really really difficult. And I hope I am not alone in this. I don't even know exactly what subtypes and themes i deal with because there's many, and because everything has to be exactly what it's supposed to be, that if one "trait" doesn't fall under that category, that there must be something I am missing. This is exhausting 😞
Why did I have to have ocd?? Why could I just be normal? This has been bothering me so much. I don’t know anybody that struggles with this, but the fact that this could get passed down to my children is terrifying. I don’t want to witness my kids struggle with the same things I did. On top of that, my ocd has been through the roof lately and it feels like I can’t do anything to help myself. I feel so disgusting and shameful.
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