there’s no worse feeling, i think. to believe that i’m unworthy of forgiveness. that i am not allowed to enjoy anything in life. it makes me sick with fear. will i ever be able to move on? if anyone else can relate, feel free to chime in.
heyy, have you read books on self-compassion in relation to OCD?
@taurising i have not, i’ve been meaning to do that
I'm sorry you feel this way, OCD is debilitating and these feelings are part of the reason why. I had to learn to not only resist compulsions, but to also let go of the narrative you describe. Let me say to you OCD should not rob your joy, you are worthy and you are entitled to enjoy your life. As you gain ground against OCD, you will also experience life without these guilt feelings. I found this video with Dr. McGrath https://youtu.be/IR4Xwrsw5LQ
The IOCDF is just wrapping up a live video conference on this exact topic. They have it on their Facebook, YouTube and Twitch. It is almost over (90 min long), but you can watch it after it is done too. It has been so good and everyone on the conference is talking about feeling this exact way.
Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
I’m currently struggling with guilt from checking OCD. By this I mean, I feel guilty and shameful by my OCD checking because I feel as that was immoral and wrong and I really don’t know what to do. How can I fight this?
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