I used to do a lot of physical compulsions when I was a pre teen when my ocd first presented. People would notice. So over time I started doing less physical compulsions and more internal ones. Now I feel like I can’t think a singular thought without repeating it, ruminating on it, etc. I was embarrassed by my ocd so I somehow internalized it all, which in the end made things so much worse. Anyone else have a similar experience?
my ocd is completely internal. I offer you this challenge, when you experience a trigger and your mental ruminations/compulsions knock on the door of your mind. Attempt to not engage, your first time will feel like "WHY ARENT YOU FEEDING INTO THIS ANXIETY, THIS WORRY IS REAL, THIS ISNT A FALSE ALARM, STOP TRYING TO GET RID OF ME". You’ll feel like you’re only ruminating and doing this compulsions because you have to and by not doing it only for a single second you felt like you were doing something "wrong". Now before I continue with that, I will say first that the best way to combat internal compulsions is to practice mindfulness. First you must accept that yes these things you think of are scary, and they do bring you distress. But it is a irrefutable fact that thinking about them more doesn’t prepare you for anything, it doesn’t aid anything, it isn’t good, it just feel good because it’s a compulsion. I was always hesitant to lean towards mindfulness because to me and my mental compulsions I felt that it was only a way for me to ignore the real anxiety I was feeling, and that it might feel good in the moment but I was only doing myself a disservice by not listening to these pressing issues in my mind. But I am here to tell you this is all wrong. At this end of this I am going to link a video that has been saving me, it combines ERP with Mindfulness and Hypnotherapy. Repeating it multiple times a day and practicing it will bring improvements without a doubt. So about the thing I said earlier, that feeling that you get by not feeding into your compulsions (which i know you’ve tried before because these thoughts are unwelcome and you wish nothing more but to get them out). That feeling is the uncomfortable feeling you
Yeah I feel that. Most of my compulsions are mental
because again if you stop, you feed into the anxiety, if you don’t stop and keep pushing, you allow the feelings to be there WHILE you continue living your life which removes the weight of all the anxiety.
@Anonymous Thank you so much for this. Your words are encouraging. I’m gonna watch this video & give it a try.
@Anonymous Just checking in to give you another push, things may be getting worse but know that that’s okay! If things feel "worse" it’s because you are dealing with a trigger that brings fourth something that really truly scares you, and that’s okay! It’s okay to be scared, it’s not okay to ruminate and do compulsions. If it feels uncomfortable it’s good for you. Also, on top of the meditation, there will be times where you feel you cannot shake the thoughts at all, you will try everything that was working for you and it just will be battered by worse and scarier thoughts. This happens when you spiral into rumination, and the best way to get out of rumination is mindfulness which you get reach through meditation OR by occupying yourself
Keep going! I’m rooting for you
That is a form of OCD masking. It sounds like you should consider getting therapy from the therapists here at NOCD. I’m in therapy with them , and it has radically changed my life . Also, I can’t help but wonder if it would make you happier if you moved some of your OCD to be more outward again
NEED to seek. you need to sit with the feeling of not knowing, of not understanding, of being scared. Your mind is only scared and stuck in this ruminating cycle because through your compulsions, you’ve trained it to believe that this is what you need to do in order to be safe or attempt to feel safe from whatever is stressing you. By not feeding into it (and trust me it’s a drowning throat closing feeling not feeding in to it) you are showing your mind that, ruminate or not, nothing will happen. Your mind is so stressed it’s entered something called selective memory, your mind is only filling itself with things that it thinks best suits your survival. And since your brain is conditioned to think these anxiety inducing things are a threat to your life, it’s going to fill itself with triggers and thoughts that have to deal with it.
mindfulness teaches us that no matter what is stressing you out, no matter what feels like threatening, no matter what feels pressing, you are here in this moment, and that is all that should matter. My person experience will practicing mindfulness is that slowly you will lose the anxiety behind all of these thoughts, you would react to these thoughts in the same way that maybe you would have years ago because your ocd really took of. Your mind won’t sit on them because it will be to interested on what your next meal will be or what song your listening to or beating a new video game you bought. You mind will literally stop caring, I know how impossible that sounds now but I promise you it’s not. You’ve got this https://youtu.be/hgUKW25wVt8?si=8VwXd_zhK93LF3o4 link to meditation, at first it may not really feel like it’s doing anything, and your anxiety will make you want to stop but please, just do it even if every part of your mind soul and body says to stop
when you feel you’ve hit rock bottom and your thoughts have taken over and the scary thoughts like "i’ll never get better" and the dissociation kicks in. 9/10 you’ll be alone when this happens, inbetween classes, late at night, times where it’s just you and your thoughts. You’ll need to find a way to drag you into the present because only then will the anxiety be given the space to burn out. I find playing xbox or a dumb game on my phone or watching a tv show helps bring me back. It won’t be an instant shift to reality, your anxiety will fight for your attention. Just know that when you’re anxious thoughts pull you to ruminate, don’t panic, don’t freak out, it doesn’t mean the thoughts are real, it’s not a que for you to do compulsions. You gently remind yourself "Wow I much be really anxious right now, and I ___ ___ and ____ triggered it." and then GENTLY redirect your attention to whatever it is you’re doing. You might have to do this 100 times in one sitting, regardless, eventually your anxiety will dissipate
OCD is so strange because I feel so mentally exhausted 24/7 but i’m so good at masking it that like it’s like i can think double. I’m not sure that makes sense. But i am so used to the OCD thoughts racing through my head that i can respond to my environment whilst completely existing in my head. I can have conversations when intrusive thoughts are taking over my inner dialect. I feel like i am even doubting whether i have OCD and whether it’s all just an excuse. I feel like my rumination hasn’t stopped for the past 3 years. Everything i used to enjoy or look forward to, is now dread and tainted by the thoughts telling me i never knew. I don’t even know what i like or who i am anymore. The thought of getting help and talking through it all scares me because what if i’m invalidated or if i speak about it too much then what if i don’t stop thinking. I’m so exhausted
anyone else feel like theyve made too many mistakes in their short time being alive, to the point you just feel like *you* are the mistake? i sit and obsess all the time about the mistakes ive made growing up (im only 20, suffered with ocd since i was 15). i just feel like i used to always make these mistakes and i know most of them came from ignorance as a child but it makes me question everything about myself. it often makes me feel suicidal, that the world is better off without me. i come on here to try and make people feel better and offer support and advice when in reality, i have no grasp on my own ocd. i sit and obsess 24/7, i struggle with mindfulness, and my head is the worst place to live. its just the idea that my mistakes have impacted people, any lies i came up with, how thats impacted people (its probably not even a lot but the possibility is terrifying). ever since i was diagnosed, i have a thing for responsibility, i take on so much of it, and punish myself excessively. im very tired of fighting with myself. im tired of obsessing and doing compulsions to stop the anxiety. i just want it to stop.
I’m wondering if this has happened to anyone else… I’m 28 years old. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was very young and it took a while, but I overcame it. I haven’t had any compulsions in 20 years. I’ve had some horrible things happen in the past, but nothing brought back my OCD. The only thing I struggle with is overthinking and making decisions. Im about to take a sabbatical from my work for a year to travel because the last year of my life has been by far the happiest and most confident iv ever been. I went to see a therapist a couple weeks ago who was an OCD specialist, I just wanted some tips and tricks for decision-making while I’m on my trip. She warned me that my OCD might get worse before it gets better, but I thought that she just meant with decision-making and overthinking. They have this program set out that I didn’t really wanna do but she told me it works really well so I decided to try it. It’s two sessions a week and the first two sessions were sort of just talking about my old OCD and doing questionnaires. I really related to some of the questionnaire questions, and the therapist was actively telling me that I definitely had OCD the whole time which made me feel bad. After our second session, my OCD came back full swing like when I was a child. I cant stop thinking about doing compulsions every waking second. It’s been two weeks. I’ve been to her several times and nothing is helping, I’m resisting the urge to do compulsions as much as I can and I feel like I’m fighting for my life. Nothing is helping and I’m burning out. I wake up and cry everyday because of how uncomfortable and out of control I feel. I never thought this would happen and im so mad at myself for ruining my trip. I feel like I’ve ruined my life tbh and even if I do get better, I’m always gonna be bothered by the constant fear that even at the highest and most happy points in my life it could just come back at any second with no warning signs.. I thought I knew how to deal with it and had the tools, but nothing is working this time and its ruining my life. Today I asked about cancelling my trip altogether, and I might be going on medical leave. Has this happened to anybody and do you have any tips for me?
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