I want full recovery!

So I decided to taper off my medication and found myself in a rough patch again. All my emotions and ruminating thoughts have come back stronger than ever. This made me realise that I haven't been learning to deal with my emotions through therapy at all, the medication has just been masking them like a bandaid. In my opinion, covering emotions up with medication isn't recovery at all, it's sticking your head in the sand because the emotions are too much. Wherever I go, doctors keep telling me that I'll be on medication for the rest of my life. I want to be like I was before I had my first mental breakdown, I didn't need medication and I was mentally resident. This is my idea of full recovery, not relying on medication for the rest of my life. I just struggle to get my head around what happened in 2019 when all of a sudden I wasn't ok. I want the old me back...

Wildflower1234

Date posted: 1y ago

Interestingly, 2019 was the start of a big OCD onset for me as well (at the time didn’t know what it was). I too struggled with physical body complaints and went to many docs. Turns out I just have health concern OCD which in hindsight I’ve had my whole life. Also, the pandemic was a huge trigger for me and didn’t realize at the time. So, wondering if maybe the pandemic may have impacted you all as well and made your OCD worse?

Wildflower1234

Date posted: 1y ago

p.s I feel the same way about medication. I know it helps many people, but for me it made my symptoms worse. At the time, docs and outpatient therapist diagnosed me with panic disorder and anxiety. I was out on a trial of many different SSRIs and benzos which actually made me worse, so much so that my anxiety and intrusive thoughts landed me in an inpatient program, where I was officially diagnosed with OCD, which then led me to a residential program specifically for OCD. The residential program was helpful not because of the meds but because of the ERP therapy that I was doing while also being with others who had OCD. Upon discharge I stuck with meds for awhile, but then became pregnant and decided that the best choice for me and baby was to taper off. I’m glad I did. Not sure I’ll try meds again in the future, but for now I’m managing okay. Best of luck to you!

Wildflower1234

Date posted: 1y ago

Okay one last thing lol… I also find myself longing for my “old” self before all the shit and it’s so hard. I’ve come to realize that maybe I’ll never be that person again and am trying to accept that. Comparing my “old” self to my “OCD” self is exhausting. Maybe it’s not about wanting to be that exact person again so for me it’s time to accept and grieve who I was and accept who I am. I’m still me after all, right?

Henry_26

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

This helped me a lot thank you for that

Nate_093

Date posted: 1y ago

That's true, I am trying to accept that that's me in the past and trying to build myself into a new person. I just miss being happy and it hurts so damn much!. All these great memories that I have from the past are now just painful reminders of what I don't have anymore.

Henry_26

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Mine started in 2019 as well you got this man!

Nate_093

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks mate, I needed some support. Did yours happen around a whole bunch of physical body issues as well?. I was dealing with alot of things that were physically wrong at the time. The doctor's put me on very strong courses of antibiotics and benzodiazapines, my mental health crash came off the end of this. It's hard to to think that I've been screwed by medication they've given me. Because I was fine before that :S

Henry_26

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nate_093 I think that mine has been going on since I was a kid it just didn't bother me 2019 was when I had a mental break when the benzos I was taking for GAD stopped working

Nate_093

Date posted: 1y ago

@Henry_26 Yeah, I've definitely had OCD from a young age as well, it just suddenly bit me one day and my world changed in a second. I got given benzos from my gp not knowing what they actually were, a month after taking them I ran out of supply and just stopped, I ended up in hospital because of it...

Hopeful58

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Life is a journey. This mental health part is part of your journey. It will take as long as it takes. For me, I look at meds as necessary help for OCD…. Like insulin is for diabetes. The important thing being thankful you know what is going on. Getting good expert help to navigate through. Have trusted few friends who have your back and pray for you. Everybody has something going on… Let this make you stronger.

x.dulcemusician

Date posted: 24w ago

They recommend me medication for my severe OCD

Hi. I’m writing this post because I don’t know if I should be medicated again. Lexapro worked well for me, but I gained like 30 pounds. I quit because of that and honestly I thought I was able to manage my OCD well better. I was wrong, it got worse again. I wish I can do this without medication…that’s why I expose myself everyday, doesn’t matter how drained and exhausted I get. Are you guys medicated or trying to go without medicine. How is it going for you guys? Many hugs for all of you. We got this.

Rookeryend123

Date posted: 19w ago

Hi, I’m Matt!

Hey guys, I hope you’re well! My names Matt, and OCD has struck me again 😂 When I was 10 years old I had to attend therapy as I was having excessive intrusive thoughts. P.s. I didn’t even know this was possible at the age of 10! I then completely forgot about it, until 2.5 years ago when I started experiencing ROCD. I really couldn’t understand why I was feeling/thinking this way however, I soon after remembered my struggles as a child and then realised my OCD had returned. Also, my mum has serious OCD so I guess that could be why too. I had a a really hard battle with my emotions and mood due to this however, the last 1.5 years had been really good and I managed it well. I got married and had the best day of my life. 3 months ago, a thought about having an affair in my head appeared, and BOOM, it’s back again. I’m struggling a lot right now however, I’ve accepted that this could be a re occurring theme throughout my life, and it’s time to learn to deal with it again. I’m back on medication and have started ERP therapy, so hopefully it’s on the up from here. I’m not here to list off my triggers and thoughts as this would be me seeking reassurance however, I’m here to show that recovery is certainly possible!

tlousluvr

Date posted: 12w ago

advice 🧸

hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗

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