(tw: pocd) ive spent the whole morning obsessing about accidentally becoming okay with the content of my intrusions that now ive stopped feeling anything when i think about my obsession. it's like. i know pedophilia is wrong. there's literally no reason it's not wrong. i also know know that im not a pedophile (i can't explain how...i just feel certain.) but now ive like,, accidentally condoned the content of my intrusive thoughts? like some part of my head has gone all philosophical and is going "yeah you aren't attracted to kids, but you used to masturbate when you were a child, and studies prove that everyone has, so why is the idea of kids being sexual bad?" (but obviously it is!! i know that!!!) is that also an intrusive thought? it's not something i personally want to believe, although i almost don't feel enough anxiety to convince myself i don't. so now im like intellectually freaking out, almost like this is my ocds last ditch attempt to throw me back into it

and now im mentally checking by seeing if im apathetic to everything else and trying to justify murder and assault to myself because...ocd

Sounds like typical OCD to me. I had these sort of thoughts pop in as well with Harm OCD and POCD. And then I would think to myself “oh gosh this is proof that I’m a terrible person because I just tried to justify these thoughts!” Don’t let OCD fool you. This all sounds like typical ruminating to me and it’s just going to keep you going in circles. It did the same for me and I still struggle with it from time to time. Acknowledge these thoughts the sane way you acknowledge intrusive thoughts. They’re just thoughts and your mind is just desperately trying to solve them which only makes your OCD worse.

The root of your problems is reflected in your own answer: "Pedophilia is wrong". You are just echoing everyone's opinions. I am not here to condone anything; however, when we judge things out of ignorance we become trapped in an endless loop of despair. ---- Good/Bad, Right/Wrong, Acceptable/Unacceptable are all judgement marks. When we are educated by professionals on psychological conditions, we become less judgmental and therefore happier people. The people who suffer from homosexual themed OCD have a completely twisted view about homosexuality. The same thing happens with POCD: ' We were offered an idea and we bought it without asking and now we won't let it go as if our lives depended on it'.

Your message implies that some people "should and deserve to die" . That is worrisome - It is my exact point in my previous post. Who are we to decide who gets to live and who gets to die? This is not personal. Probably this does not even apply to you. I am just writing it for the people who have come to the point of awareness that judgements are the root of all our suffering.

i mean i have empathy and i don't think all maps should die. but pedophilia hurts people. it's dangerous and im not going to pretend it's not to ease my ocd

also as a lesbian i find it really offensive to have my sexuality compared to pedophilia

i don't think any people should die. that was the point of what i was saying ("all maps should die" is a popular tumblr sentiment.)

Never meant to offend you. I never compared your lesbianism with what you are probably thinking as 'pederasty', not pedophilia. Not at all what I meant. - As I said, this message is probably not even for you. But as a public forum I write for everyone who might read this and find it helpful.

sorry if i came off as snappy, just a lot of the map community have tried to gain inclusion in the lgbt+ community, so i tend to be cautious whenever homosexuality and pedophilia are brought up in the same context. also i very much am thinking of pedophilia, pederasty is not actually an in community issue at all