Was this rape?

So this has been making me literally wanna scream because I would never sa someone and I feel so bad cause I think I did. I’m 12 and I’m scared if I did or not. You might’ve seen my post about how I mentioned it but now I’m worried if I sad because I learnt about verbal sa and I’m scared I did it. I can’t remember if I did or not cause my friend says I didn’t but I remember saying a sexual joke by my younger cousin (6-7 year age gap) and I feel terrible. My ocd is questioning if I said it to them or if I’ll go to jail or if I even said it at all cuz my friend says I didn’t. Is this verbal sa? I didn’t know and I didn’t say it with that intent and sometimes I blurt out stuff impulsively. Please can someone talk to me. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance but it’s at the point where I can’t control my rapid breathing..i can’t remember if I did or not and I’m scared if I did since I think it’s sa. Can someone tell me? This has been haunting me for a while now. 🙁

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

For context the age of consent where I am is 18. So I was on grindr me being (16) and was going to hookup with a guy who I thought was (21). Now I know this was an incredibly dumb and illegal decision as I have dealt with the consequences of it. I was feeling so low in my life and struggling with family matters and other people my age used drinking or smoking as an out although for me I hooked up with guys as my out. At this time my anxiety disorder and ocd were at an all time high and I had no therapy sessions to help keep me stable. I also dealt with my toxic family everyday more and more. So then I hooked up with him and after we were done and chilling in his car he asked “What if I told you I wasn’t 21” and of course I’m like what the fuck (he knew I was 16 and even hearted my message of me saying that) I ask him multiple times what he meant by that and to clarify on his real age and he quoted my Bio on Grindr which was “no older than 21” inferring that he knew and lied to me about his age because of my bio limit which is disgusting. He tells me he’ll tell me his real age on two conditions, the first being I give him $7 for gas and the second I meet with him again I said yes not meaning it just to get him to answer and gave him the $7. He then told me he was 27. I was like what the fuck? you lied to me and he played innocent sarcastically “what are you talking about” you told me you were 21 and not 27 and he said “haha typo” like what the fuck. Of course after I felt absolute shit and garbage because he manipulated me into sleeping with him when he was 27 and not 21 and also extorted me for money. I feel disgusted and used with myself. I reported this to the ER and got checked there and reported it to the police after although nothing has been done and it’s been 3 weeks. I just don’t know what to consider the situation as. What would you consider it as? This caused me to go into a three day depression in which I could barely function. If I had known he was 27 I would not have slept with him or consented.