Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD or abuse???

Hi guys I struggle with ROCD a lot and I change from so many ROCD themes. Right now, I’m worried that my fiancé is abusive. He will never ever cuss at me or do anything crazy, but I find that when he is mad (not at me, just in general), he will start like hitting things. Like for example, we were studying and he was trying to figure out some code for his comp sci stuff and he couldn’t figure it out so he starts like hitting his chair. I’m really really worried that I’m going to end up in something abusive. Again, he does not ever cuss at me or yell at me and he is very understanding when I bring a concern, we’ve been together 3 years now. I just go online and I type in “my boyfriend hits things when he is angry” and I see the domestic abuse thing pop up so I’m really freaking out

Username: MitchellMitchell

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t think your boyfriend is abusive. In three years if he hasn’t ever yelled at you or cussed at you, I don’t believe he’s going to suddenly get violent with you. As far as googling that and getting the domestic abuse pop up, Google just uses key words, I just typed “boyfriend hits” and it immediately popped up with the domestic abuse post. He should probably talk to someone about his anger or find heathy outlet for it, but I have no reason to believe he’s going to take it out on you in any way

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mitchell Thank you for your perspective, that is super helpful about the key words stuff

Username: olive444olive444

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I am just recovering (just about to the finish) from this EXACT theme with a very similar background. I can't advise speaking to a therapist more. My therapist on NOCD has been so helpful, and has helped me recover from this theme specifically. Yes, the comment below is probably accurate to your situation, but something like that is NOT helpful and I can not emphasize it enough. It's providing you with temporary reassurance, continuing to feed the beast that is OCD. You will seek additional reassurance over and over and over. I know that ROCD with an abuse sub theme is SCARY and feels confusing as fuck, and speaking up on abuse is extremely important. Even if you do get into arguments and he does yell and you yell at him, that still might not be abuse. You can use some of these statements that I say to myself when I get caught in my OCD spirals. The whole idea is to embrace uncertainty. - There's no way for me to know anything for sure. - There is a chance that figuring this out is getting in the way of me being authentic self - There is a chance that the emotions I am feeling are connected to a different situation I hope you figure it out, and that you get the help you need. Sending love

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@olivespeak Thank you so much for this reality check; I know I’ll get the reassurance I need but then I’ll be like “but what about THIS” and I’ll always just try to find things to prove my fear. I appreciate you reminding me to try my ERP!

Username: olive444olive444

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous - Of course! If you need to talk about it I am here. I promise it will get better, and while I want to provide you all the reassurance I can, you are better off without it! It just prolongs everything, and trust me I spent way too much energy on this sub type exactly. Sending so much love!

Username: MitchellMitchell

Date posted: 1y ago

@olivespeak 99% of the time yes you should avoid reassurance. I think there’s a rare time and place for it as a last resort with the help of someone you trust. Sometimes you need temporary grounding with the help of a trusted person or therapist for an outside perspective. I definitely don’t advocate for scouring the internet for reassurance or attempting anything on your own ever. I’ve recovered from POCD and SO OCD and it wasn’t through ERP, it was through traditional therapy though. I didn’t do it alone and, in my opinion, when possible someone should seek professional help. Maybe I reassured too much here and if that’s the case that’s my mistake and I apologize. At the end of the day you’re right and ultimately she needs to accept uncertainty. Reassurance can definitely be dangerous and should be avoided. maybe I wasn’t the right person to try and help here. I think seeing a therapist would definitely be a helpful idea for her specific needs

Username: MitchellMitchell

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous I apologize if what I said could cause any harm, reassurance from me might not have been a good idea. Ultimately, olivespeak is right and I recommend talking to a therapist if you’re comfortable with the idea

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mitchell No I really needed a perspective tbh so I appreciate it

Username: olive444olive444

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mitchell @Mitchell So sorry - I didn’t mean to come in too hot! I guess I am passionate because I am super freshly recovered from this exact theme with almost identical thoughts about my partner so I just wanted to provide how I healed. I agree that some reassurance from a therapist is grounding and supportive. I recovered from other themes with a standard therapist too, but this specifically took me a really long time to get over so I was just providing all insight. Especially because not only is researching the internet my compulsion, but so was scouring this app to “confirm” my thoughts were OCD. No matter what we are all doing the best we can and the intention of your comment came from a place of love and support. Everyone’s healing process looks different so my apologies if I came in too strong or aggressive with my perspective. For me, OCD is like an addiction. Sometimes I think I can check and get reassurance, but it starts a spiral every time and always sets me back. Was just trying to provide insight so that anonymous’ healing process could hopefully be faster than mine was 🤍

Username: MitchellMitchell

Date posted: 1y ago

@olivespeak No you’re fine I’m sorry, I think I was just in a mood at the time. I was just trying to temporarily ease their panic and I didn’t really consider the long term with it. The topic was sort of personal for me too because I recently lost a long relationship and my reply almost felt like reassurance to myself because I’ve had similar moments where I was the one who would get angry and feared I was being abusive myself. I never really considered that my answers to people might be reinforcing their issues so I appreciate the reality check. My recovery for most of my OCD topics took a little while so maybe the ERP method is more effective. I’m glad you recovered from your OCD topics and I hope it stays that way for you

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey there, i can only imagine how tough it must be to deal with these rocd thoughts, especially with something as serious as worrying about potential abuse. it's really brave of you to share your concerns and to be so aware of your fiancé's behavior and your own feelings. 💪 i've been right where you are with ocd throwing curveballs at me. what really helped me was this free ai ocd therapy tool called "unstuck" ([www.keepunstuck.com/try](http://www.keepunstuck.com/try)) that my ocd therapist recommended. it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers personalized step-by-step support, just like an ocd therapist, to navigate these intense rocd themes without giving in to the compulsion to seek reassurance. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: sawyertaylor

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD imposter syndrome

Lately I have been feeling like I may not have OCD, maybe I’m just crazy and manipulative. I have been diagnosed with OCD for years now and tend to struggled a lot with relationships. My therapist has told me that my behaviors in relationships are caused by ROCD but sometimes I just feel like I’m a bad person. I am finally with a very nice person after an abusive relationship and I thought some of those symptoms may go away because this person is different but they’ve only gotten worse. I am so easily triggered and convince myself that my partner doesn’t like me and can’t handle me. I end up trying to break up almost weekly. Things will be good and then one small trigger blows everything up and i feel like I’m dying and can’t control myself. I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be in a relationship

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone relate (ROCD)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

Relationship OCD

Username: lollypop48

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD

Does anyone else’s OCD take things and run with them? For example, my boyfriend got annoyed with me recently and responded kind of rudely to a question I asked him. I told him that wasn’t fair and he agreed and apologized immediately. But now I keep ruminating on it that maybe this is just him revealing his true self now that we’ve been together for a while. Maybe the real him is aggressive and he’s going to snap at me in the future and I’m going to be stuck in a relationship that is unhealthy! Also I’m fearing everyone reading this won’t believe me that my relationship is good and they’ll be judging me saying it’s not OCD. Struggling right now.

Relationship OCD

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ROCD or abuse???

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