Please pray

I love and believe in Jesus. I always have believed in Jesus. I don’t know why my thoughts are saying that I don’t believe anymore. I think it might be because I feel like I’m so close to a breakthrough from OCD and spiritual warfare, but I have no idea. I feel like God is going to deliver me soon, so the devil has been attacking me more. I don’t know, but I seriously am so scared. If you’re a Christian, please give me advice.

Does anyone else feel like they think these horrible things on there own or on purpose. I feel like I'm intentionally trying to hurt god and the holy Spirit now and idk what to do. I feel like I'm becoming my worst fear. Idk what to do I feel like I'm losing touch with myself and idk what to do. And I'm really worried God is going to turn his face from me or I'm going to do something I am going to regret. I'm not really sure whats happening to me, but I'm scared I'm going crazy.

If you suffer from Christian OCD and feel Jesus hates you and you’re going to hell every few seconds but I keep fighting it because when I pray it says Lucifer and I refuse to pray to him. If I do Jesus will send me to hell. I’m terrified. When does it end. Some Christian’s are so peaceful, I want that.. why.. I feel cursed forever. I have faith in others journey… not mine. I’m stuck like this forever. My mind will never be the same.