rough ocd day

my ocd is got worse again and school starts in 2 days which is gonna make things difficult for me. i am just so fucking frustrated and tired. i tried to resist the urge to go on this app bc i feel like it’s reassurance but i just have to rant. i have been fighting for so long and i feel like this is never going to end. i’ve been rly trying. earlier this month i thought i was getting better but it just went to shit again. i feel so guilty and disgusted w my ocd obsession like why did it have to be those type of intrusive thoughts. like why me. ocd is literally the worst and sometimes i just feel hopeless.

These last few days my ocd had been maybe the worst it’s ever been. Currently, I am trying to do schoolwork assignments but I’m having a hard time reading because my mind is reading too fast and just skipping over the words then I feel frustrated like I have to go back and read the words carefully one by one with the same brain effort put to each word. Then I feel like I need to go back and look at how much I’ve read up to now and how much I need to read still and compare and it’s a never ending cycle of frustration. My mind is also racing about negative past events on top of that

This is one of the worst ocd days I’ve ever had. I’ve tried to do exposures, I’ve tried to not reassure myself, I’ve tried to be more social and go to lunch with coworkers, I’ve tried to not do any compulsions and I feel like crap. I keep wondering why I’m not getting better .