My cats saved me...

I’m scared of everything. I’ve been diagnosed with severe OCD, GAD, MDD, panic disorder, BPD, PTSD and OCPD. I get really upset when people say “I’m so OCD”. I start feeling bad because here I am stuck in bed while people who are just neatfreaks glorify this illness. I’ve been hospitalized several times, took meds, have seen multiple therapists including the ERP specialist, and have tried different types of therapy including the ERP, talk therapy, DBT, ACT and some other thing my insurance recommended me. At first I was getting better but now I’m stuck in bed again. I have difficulty with a lot of things such as contamination fear and fear of losing, forgetting, dropping things. Even as I write this I’m scared I’m forgetting to write something. At one point I had to write down everything that was said to me. At one point I didn’t trust myself enough to do things like cleaning that I had to record myself. At one point I had to shower after using the bathroom every time. Those are under control...for now but now I have to face new obsessions. I’m scared of stupid things like chocolate and crying. I know what’s garbage but hard to throw out because what if there’s something important inside the folds of the plastic/paper bags. There’s always something that triggers my anxiety. Getting out of bed has gotten easier but getting back into my bed is exhausting with my rituals. I’ve tried leaving the apartment and on good days I would just feel nausea but push through. On a bad day I would get really sick with nausea. And on a really bad day I won’t feel anything and go through with getting ready, about to leave my bedroom heading towards the door and I have a complete melt down. I can’t even sleep without having to do my compulsion of writing down my dreams. On a good night I do this three times. So I’m always tired. I’ve tried to stop and have succeeded when I was working with the ERP specialist. My insurance has expired, I can’t get a job let alone leave my bed to go get any assistance, I’ve tried work from home but everything is difficult. I was a bridal consultant, artist/designer. I’ve also tutored Japanese online but it’s not enough to get the “residential level care” that the ERP therapist had told me I need. The insurance won’t pay for additional treatments with the specialist so I’m stuck. And what sucks is that my PTSD has become stronger which makes doing everyday tasks even more difficult (if that makes sense). What makes everything even more difficult is that I can’t do anything to help animals in need. I’m an advocate-have volunteered, rescued, spread awareness, sign petitions etc and all of these add up to my feeling of guilt and shame that I can’t put my passion of wanting to help animals before my OCD fear. I have a dream. I have a goal. I want to have my catcafe and work with high risk shelters to eliminate euthanasia while I save to start my own animal sanctuary. I’m sorry this has become a long post but I needed to vent to people who would understand and not have to explain why OCD is more than just “get over it” or “just stop your compulsions”.

I just got my own kitten today and am having a lot of ocd and anxiety about it 😞. I grew up with dogs and a cat my entire life in my family home and never had a problem. Although since moving into my own place I’ve never had one of my own specifically. I got my kitten today (I love my family pets and always wanted my own) but I’m soooo anxious. My ocd is terrible!’ Im worrying what if it was the wrong choice, what if something goes wrong , he ruins something, chews chords and causes a fire, changes my feeling of control over my living space, contamination fears , etc. whyyyyyyy do I feel this what do I do

Y’all I am so goddamn mentally exhausted it’s incredible. I have a cat, she’s two and in perfect health, but my OCD won’t leave her alone. I’m constantly worried she’ll get crushed under a recliner or die of heat stroke in the dryer. My mom accommodates as much as she can, we keep the dryer shut and we keep a cat bed in the living room so she has a place to hide instead of going under the chair. I’ve never had an animal more than a year or so (hamsters that met tragic ends no matter what I did, and a senior dog that we put down after a year due to declining health) so I think the lack of experience with a pet is a big thing here, and she’s the first animal I’ve ever actually bonded with for real. I just want to make my brain stop describing her possible deaths to me and I can’t figure out how. Anything is appreciated. Thanks for reading, folks.