Just got my diagnosis

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

I can remember the day I started having intrusive thoughts. I was so confused and scared. It’s been almost 3 months- does it get easier to manage? Currently taking medication and going to therapy, but this is all still very new, and very scary. Please tell me there’s relief in recovery..? I tend to isolate myself from my family, often. I’m tired, so so tired. :( Most days, I just stay on the couch or in bed. I don’t quite get as anxious, but like a “heart stopping” gut feeling when a thought pops up. I miss the me I was before the diagnosis. HOCD is scary and harder when it attacks the loved ones, spouse, in your home. :( My heart hurts.

When I catch myself doing compulsions mentally during exposure sessions, it seems alot of the time like the realization that I was just doing a compulsion is more distressing than the actual trigger I'm trying to expose myself to. It feels defeating having to admit the prompt at the end that I performed a compulsion yet again. I still think I've made progress overall, and generally speaking I don't think I'm performing compulsions as much as I used to, and my distress has also gone down noticeably (not completely) but exposure sessions have been kinda tricky for me from the beginning since its all mental. Additionally, I am a bit concerned that I could start using exposures to rid myself of anxiety rather than expose myself to it properly.