- Date posted
- 1y
Im scared
This ocd break down really messed up this time I’m just full of guilt and shame I want to keep going but I never will have 100 percent of the scenarios I imagined never happened
This ocd break down really messed up this time I’m just full of guilt and shame I want to keep going but I never will have 100 percent of the scenarios I imagined never happened
Reading your post I see the word imagined and 100 percent. Those two words can help you. Knowing that your OCD imagination is at play and that it wants you to be 100 percent sure is the game it plays. This is where reality check can help you understand that this is exactly how OCD works.
Read this book "Needing to know for sure" - it may help you.
First, you shouldn't feel guilty about having intrusive OCD thoughts. Over 200 years ago, the English writer Samuel Johnson said/wrote: "We all have thoughts that would shame hell." That means people with OCD and people who don't have OCD. What you're experiencing is an OCD flare up, nothing more. Second, I learned in therapy that it's not the thought's content that's important, it's how you react to it. If you accept it as just a thought, shug, let it go and move on, the thoughts will eventually dissipate. Conversely, if you seek absolute certainty that the thought will never happen you'll on the OCD treadmill all day. Hope this helps.
I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless
I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame
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