Advice for anyone suffering from real-event ocd

A Quick Guide For Real Event OCD: Remember that it’s not the memory that is the problem, it’s the OCD that’s the issue Remember that OCD often distorts your past memories and can very often add details to make a memory seem worse than it actually was and can even create false memories. This is a challenging one but, let go of the need for certainly about your past memory or memories. Let go as best you can and be comfortable with uncertainty (this takes time, be self compassionate) Remember that this type of OCD is not special or unique just because it’s based on a (likely distort and over exaggerated) past event, OCD attacks what is most important to us, our biggest fears and issues, it whatever way it can Real event OCD is fundamentally no different than any other type of OCD (and many people suffer from many different types of OCD all at once) The only differences in any type of OCD is what the obsession is over, thankfully, The treatment is the same, this is a moment in life what is a good thing to remember that you (and your condition) are not special Stop reassurance seeking and confessing. It may provide a little relief and lessen your fears but it will not fully take them away, again it’s not the memory that’s the issue it’s OCD’s grip on the memory Ban rumination! No matter how many times you ruminate about every detail and possible outcome of the past event will only make the thoughts more “sticky” in your brain. It’s hard, but stop giving the thoughts credence and let them go as best you can, try to catch yourself in the act of rumination Be mindful and allow the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to just come and go, observe but don’t engage, this helps teach the brain not to attach to these thoughts and feelings and stops the brain for continuously sending the panic alarm. Meditation works very nicely for practicing mindfulness Ask yourself if you should waste your life trying to figure out the past, when you can focus on bringing what you want into your present and future. I know you don’t feel you deserve it. The main tenets of behavior therapy are: We cannot control our thoughts and feelings but we can control our behavior. If you change your behavior, your thoughts and feelings will follow. During this pandemic it can be hard, so try finding hobbies and other positive things to do to fill your day Be here now, this can be challenging but, do your best to live in the now and do what you can to make today great! The past is long over and the future is fantasy. Each day we are born anew and have an opportunity to improve. Most of not all Real Event OCD obsessions are over actions that we would never think of repeating and that we would have never done if we knew then what we know now. Be kind to yourself and remember who you are. Accept that there will be ups and downs, harder days and easier days, on your recovery journey Finally… self compassion not self forgiveness! Forgiveness implies that you have done some unforgivable act and need to work towards reparation for it. This process usually requires time spent discussing and processing the event. You may believe if you find a way to forgive yourself then you can stop obsessing about it. People in your life may have even encouraged you to work on it. With OCD, discussing and analyzing the event is not the approach we want to take. In fact, I’m sure you have already spent excessive amounts of time evaluating the situation and all its many angles, yet getting nowhere. Now, I’m not saying this is an event you are proud of. What I am saying is that it’s not the event that is the problem; it is the OCD that is the problem. There is a chance you would have moved on from the event if the OCD hadn’t grabbed onto it. And we don’t treat OCD with self-forgiveness because OCD exaggerates and distorts life events. Imagine that being stuck on this may not be due to lack of self-forgiveness but the way OCD traps you. OCD has taken over the life event, twisted it and has convinced you into believing it is a critical problem that requires forgiveness or punishment. Resources: Article: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/ Video on Real Event OCD: https://youtu.be/ojsA2z_Nf_0 Video on Letting Go: https://youtu.be/ZK6FVw4xfbg Video on “Going Through Hell”: https://youtu.be/toQMJeqdW48 Video “Drunk on Life” accepting the good, the bad and the s Gray area: https://youtu.be/WCsPCrZ4aq0 Jesus Prayer Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you struggle with religious OCD this may not be the best for you) https://youtu.be/6TTDjJ8Cv3Y Za Zen Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you have an issue with number obsession this might not be best for you) https://youtu.be/dDJ_wbjBL6c Book Recommendations: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by John Hershfield Christ The Eternal Tao by Hieromonk Damascene Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucando The Jesus Prayer by Frederica Matthews Green The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives by Elder Thaddeus F*ck Coping Start Healing by Dennis Simsek Anxiety, Trust and Gratitude by Nun Kathrine Weston NOTE: While all this information is very helpful it is always best to seek treatment and help from a therapist or psychologist. Use the information above is a part of your healing journey, get in touch with a therapist/psychologist to help you better work through these issues

Real event OCD comes with an insane amount of pain and suffering. For me it felt like the worst pain,guilt and anxiety and not one moment of relief for months on end. Feeling hopeless and like ending your life was the only way out. Feeling like my belief in my “goodness” was no longer true if I had done something wrong as a child. Fear of having done something horrible because your memories are blurry and grey. Fear that people will ruin your life and your future because of it. It turned me into someone no longer wanting to leave my house or put myself anywhere where I would receive attention. A deep fear of being a bad person and being rejected by society and made to be something I am not. Understanding OCD - it’s the doubting disorder so whenever your doing compulsions that you think will make things better, remember that no matter what you do, your brain will still doubt it. - It is like having a monster in your brain that knows what you care about the most, and it will attack that relentlessly, it DOES NOT mean anything about you - If OCD is saying “you need to apologize, if you don’t you’re a fraud and a bad person and you’re not doing enough” and even if you give into the compulsion, it will give you the same doubt again and again, leading to you wanting to apologize over and over. IMPORTANT- If you’re scared of a thought NEVER show you’re brain you’re scared- pretend you don’t care, say “maybe that happened maybe it didn’t” or “I don’t really know” or make fun of the thought. If your OCD knows you’re afraid of something, it’s evil and it will give you more of it. Doing compulsions to get rid of fear shows your brain “oh she’s trying to cope and feel better, that means this is something she’s afraid of” by acting like you don’t care, accepting the anxiety and uncertainty, you’re teaching you’re brain that you’re not afraid of these thoughts, and they WILL reduce. Identify your compulsions- I was doing so many mentally that I didn’t realize. - I kept planning out an “apology” or how I would fix a future catastrophe as a result of my real event - Mentally reviewing past events - Trying to figure out “what exactly happened” I kept writing it out in my notes - Compulsively googling and looking on Reddit for answers regarding my real event (I used to google “real event ocd” and obsess over all the symptoms as a way to feel better. I also googled and read Reddit posts related to my real event) - Reaching out to people from the past and apologizing -DO NOT DO in most cases, you will just regret it after and never feel like it’s enough- if you do it only do it ONCE (I apologized across 6 years and never felt like it was enough) - Confessing - I felt like a fraud or like I was lying if I didn’t keep trying to confess or apologize or if I tried to “let it go” it meant I didn’t care (not true) - Self reassurance (don’t worry about it, you’re not a bad person, look at who you are today and have been for the last 15 years, etc.) - Rumination and giving the thoughts continual attention in my mind. Practice exposure and response prevention - start small but expose yourself to the things you find triggering and avoid - Make sure to let the anxiety in and don’t resist it and don’t try to force it out - Most importantly don’t do any compulsions, just face the fear Ans let the anxiety and guilt in and say “I notice I’m feeling this way” Ans keep practicing, over time it will get easier Practice unconditional acceptance - Real event false memory is especially difficult because there is a real event it’s often tied to that is the source of unbearable guilt and anxiety. - Learn that there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” person and having done something wrong doesn’t make you “bad” . - We are all humans who are growing and learning, and the most important thing to show your brain ( even if you don’t believe it) is that you love and accept yourself no matter what. - Question all or nothing thinking “my life will be over” “everyone would hate me forever” “I’m a horrible person”. None of these things are true no matter what and life changes with time Hormones - As someone with a menstrual cycle I noticed that my symptoms got SIGNIFICANTLY worse and I had only a few days a month I felt better and those dates lined up every month. This told me that my symptoms were definitely hormonally exacerbated. - If you notice this, I would recommend trying to regulate your hormones - Birth control and acupuncture have helped me Summary - ERP therapy- NO COMPULSIONS! - Meditation - Releasing my past and future to the universe, what is meant for me will be - Understanding that the problem isn’t the event, it’s the OCD and learning to trick your brain into knowing you’re not afraid. - Self Care and relaxation - Establishing a routine - EFT Tapping- do not do compulsively to relieve anxiety - supplements like Ashwagandha, and magnesium (I’ve also heard of inositol but would verify) - Consider medication (I didn’t take any but definitely consider it and would consider it in the future) All this being said, I have a much better quality of life at this point in time and have recovered significantly over the last 6 months. I’m able to find joy in my life again and look to the future with less fear. I still have a long way to go and anxiety and these intrusive thoughts do bother me, but the degree to which they do is far less. Im not longer plagues by guilt and anxiety24/7 but I still have bad days where I struggle. I’m still working on my fears around posting on social media or becoming a public figure, or returning to the locations I’m afraid of. Hope this helps!

I always recommend seeking professional help because it’s safer and way more effective to do it with a professional since they know EXACTLY what to do. But if you can’t see a professional right now and you have no idea when you’ll be able to seek help from an OCD therapist due to money or where you live, here’s an extensive list of tools and resources to help you get better and/or stay recovered. -Look into OCD and Anxiety’s YouTube channel. They have an OCD course you can do for a fee, -Download either the Calm app or Insight Timer app for guided meditations, -Read ALL the books by Lee Baer and Martin Seif on OCD and anxiety, -Look into Therapy in a Nutshell’s YouTube channel, -Start doing yoga! Because exercise is good for you. I suggest the YouTube channel Yoga with Adriene, -Subscribe and follow the YouTube channel, Psychology With Dr. Ana for great mental health content, -Start watching Thich Nhat Hanh’s guided meditations and talks on mindfulness. Also, buy his books on meditation and mindfulness, -Look into OCD International’s website if you’re international (or is the US but having issues finding help outside of NOCD) for help, -If you are looking for inpatient treatment for extreme OCD, look up Rogers Behavioral center’s website. You can even reach out to them for help, -How To Stop Rumination Video: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -ERP scripting: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ -The Hidden Power of Swearing at Your OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-the-doubt/201711/the-hidden-power-of-swearing-at-your-ocd -Taking The Power Away From OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/taking-the-power-away-from-intrusive-thoughts -Worry Script: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/WorryScript.pdf -What is ERP therapy: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ -What’s An OCD Trigger? https://psychcentral.com/ocd/what-is-an-ocd-trigger -The Psychology of Seeking Reassurance: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle -Grounding Techniques: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques -OCD vs. Phobia Differences: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/related-symptoms-conditions/ocd-vs-phobia-how-to-tell-the-difference -ERP Techniques for Reassurance video: https://youtu.be/D1O3RGnLjRM?feature=shared —— I know OCD can be very hard to deal with, but this post is seeking reassurance, which only makes things worse. Here are some helpful tools and resources to help you through this: -The Psychology of Seeking Reassurance: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle -How To Stop Rumination Video: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -ERP scripting: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ -The Hidden Power of Swearing at Your OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-the-doubt/201711/the-hidden-power-of-swearing-at-your-ocd -Taking The Power Away From OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/taking-the-power-away-from-intrusive-thoughts -ERP Worry Script: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/WorryScript.pdf -What is ERP therapy: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ -What’s An OCD Trigger? https://psychcentral.com/ocd/what-is-an-ocd-trigger -Grounding Techniques: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques -OCD vs. Anxiety Disorders: https://www.talkspace.com/mental-health/conditions/articles/ocd-vs-anxiety/ -ERP Techniques for Reassurance video: https://youtu.be/D1O3RGnLjRM?feature=shared